A dad whose kids were not interested enough to learn. He blames the school .... Is he right?
A man called Rob sat next to me on a plane bemoaning about his adult kids not taking school seriously, not wanting to apply themselves. Both finished school before grade 10, both realise now that they do not have qualifications and both want a better life than they have. They are still seeking a purpose in life.
Rob works in a sawmill and his wife has always been a stay at home mum. The kids were raised on acreage, rode bikes. The parents did not encourage learning and neither child did homework. He blames both the local primary and high schools for their lack of want to learn.
Is he right?
There is no doubt that children hold the ultimate power in choosing to learn or not at school.
But ..........
Given the encouragement and expectation of parents most kids have the right attitude and want to apply themselves with learning. Parent expectation starts very early like when the child is a baby with mums and dad talking, singing, playing and emerging kids into toys, play groups, kindergarten and programs. The stimulation is endless, it never stops. All the time parents are also modelling and teaching their beliefs and values in education and good jobs.
Before kids start grade one they know what is expected of them, they want to learn and they want to please their parents. And all the while throughout school parents are watching and supporting their kids keeping on with their expectations, motivation and love. So it goes on until school is finished and the road of post schooling begins.
Parenting never stops! Its influence on kids is significant.
So no, in my opinion Rob is off key. Blaming others is too easy!
Parents hold a lot of power with their kid's success or non-success with learning. It is easy to blame schools and in some cases teachers are at fault getting it wrong. We know that there are "bad" teachers but a parent who is actively engaged with their kid's learning act very quickly. But to give the teaching profession their due, a lot of good teachers are out there making a difference.
During my frank discussion with Rob, I asked: "If he had his raising kids time over again what would he do differently?"
"Everything" was his reply.
Cheers and Blessings
Cant blame the teachers....
My ex and I had VERY different outlooks on schooling and parenting, although she wanted them to succeed, she had no desire to push them academically or around the home. They were in essence left to themselves unless I was around. The only things that seemed to bother her was when they didnt do things that would impact on her own chores....it has made the kids beleive that study or homework was an 'option'. It drove me nuts, and still does. It is a constant fight to get them to WANT to study and work around the home. It is easier now that the bulk of them are with me full time, but it is so very much the parents responsibility to get them 'schooled' and interested in those matters.
Some of my kids (I have 5) now are interested, and others not (because there is an option now).
I read that the influences in a childs life are 25% social (friends and the like), 25% is family life and 50% is the childs own personality and desires
Good morning @towjam, thank you for your story. I so agree with you that couple agreement on education and child raising has the most positive impact and stability on our kids. Sorry to hear of your angst.
It is amazing to me how much our children arrive in this world with their own personalities and hardwiring. It is our job as parents to influence and guide as much as we can; however, these little humans are not robots. They are small souls with their own free will. I agree with you that we are one small part of the equation as parents. It's our job to make the most of it!
Hiya @susanfoust, nice to hear from you. We only have one go at parenting and getting it right don't we. So you are so right in saying that we must "make the most of it."
I taught my kids to read before they could speak using flash cards in the fashion outlined in the book teach your baby to read. They could all correctly identify over 50 words by about 18 months. I've heard the technique doesn't work so well for older kids but it's absolutely incredible how well it works for babies.
I always tried to make the lessons as much fun as possible and kept them short leaving them wanting more. After we played the game we'd put them to bed with Mozart or Bach playing while they slept. I also made a "word board" that I'd scribble random stuff on from one of those erasable marker notice boards and wrote a heap of words including their names and algebraic equations on the back in permanent ink too. They loved that game, they never knew what to expect when I'd turn it around after writing or drawing on it.
Then when they got to pre-school I taught them algebra on the word board and one of those magnetic scribble boards we had kicking around so they could be introduced to numerical abstractions. Kids are like sponges and they will absorb anything if it's presented in a fun way.
Now they are doing exceptionally well at school and it's very easy for them so there are no motivational issues, they just enjoy learning so much. Now they teach me stuff.
Hi @khufu, the fun learning was a very clever strategy to use on your babies. I love the way you made it an exciting game. Interacting with you little ones is an important factor, they would have loved having one on one with you and their mum, great for attachment and relationships building as well as for developing cognitive, language, social and emotional skills. Thanks for sharing.
Howdy angiemitchell! At least the father knows that he messed up but he should also know that he can't blame the schools, did you present anything to him that would change his mind?
Morning janton, haha you know me well. I talked about how he saw other parents with their children. He talked about a boss who was a very smart inquiring man whose kids all achieved and realised that he could have done much better with his kids.
Well at least he saw the error of his ways and now maybe he can influence other parents who can still make a difference in their kid's lives.
Maybe he will janton.