[Fiftywords] Melted Away... (Micro Fiction)
So here's my return to @Jayna's #fiftyword contest. The weeks
promot is Chocolate I already wrote a fiftyword about chocolate before, so the next thing that comes to mind in summer? Melting... So this is my theme in this story!
Melted Away...
"How I got here?"
The original script was 69 words long so I had to cut many words and rephrase so much to fit into the 50 words limit.
Because I don't like bad endings wrote "game over" instead of "the end." Maybe the man might get a good ending in the next try, (or woman not sure if I had any indication in the story.)
I also made the door blue on purpose to give you a chilly feel before you start reading... Did that work?
Good to see you, @ahmadmanga. Interesting story! So, the main character is inside a game? I found the story intriguing -- the message, the frozen chocolate -- but it didn't seem so grim to me. (Unless I'm missing something!)
He melted away because of hotness outside! well, it might just be my imagination running in weird drection, thanks for reading :) :thumbs_up:
Oh. Ha ha! Yeah, you mentioned coldness all around and frozen chocolate. So I never picked up on anything about heat. And I thought the melting part must be part of a game because of “game over.” 😊
Ah, thanks for the feedback, I put the "hotness outside" as the first thing in the story though. I think people who re-read it can pick up on that.
Oh! There it is. I have no explanation for why I missed that! I see now.
the 69 words version had the action of "opening the door" described but I wanted all the important parts to stay... sorry.
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