Are you a woman material?

Who is a perfect woman? Am I an ideal woman? Can I be a model? I regularly fight with these questions and honestly these questions are still unanswered.

I am an employed woman and I work for an IT industry which undoubtedly means I have to work for least 9 hours (to meet so called office hours) and there is no upper limit (It absolutely depends on the volume of work I have been allotted to by my manager. And managers only give deadlines, they never bother to check with you). So, if I am able to deliver work before time with zero imperfection, I am an average employee because only 30% of the people struggle to do it rest 70% are doing it without any challenge. So, in addition to it, I need to appear in all meetings, required training sessions, shadow your juniors, look for quality, fill all compulsory time-tracking sheets, give systematic updates, work on automation and then only you come under ‘good employee’ slot. But you are still not outstanding, to stand out make sure you are repetitively enhancing your skills, learning competitive tools and technologies, working on building networks and relationships, no single escalation and most important you are able to generate ideas which should add to client’s value. And if I am able to do all this, my manager might consider me in top 5-10%.

But I have a family too and I need to be faultless in their eyes as well. How can I skip visiting my parents, I need to see them once in two weeks? There is no compulsion ofcourse but I need to make sure that they are living fit lifestyle, they are not negotiating on anything, they are not missing anything. I need to be with them whenever they want. They are my parents and I want to give proper love, care and attention. They need it. I need to look after them, look after their requirements and wishes. I have a younger sibling and my life is half-finished without him. I want to look after him as well. I have to make sure that I am in good terms with my extended family. I am supporting them well, I have good image in front of them. I have to be good with all my relatives, managing home, work-life balance, finance handling, cooking food, buying stuffs, attending social events, following rituals, decision making, supporting people, helping youngers.

Society rules are mandatory to follow. There is a dress code decided by somebody, I need to be in that zone. I cannot go out with fluffy hair; my look describes my personality. If I am appealing good, I am acceptable by society. Walk with society standards else face disapproval. I should be good with my looks, my dressing sense, my way of walking and talking, my communication skills, my etiquettes, my career growth, my character, my level of shyness, my modern approach, my company. Overall, I have to be good with every single thing I do. Do I really need to?

Does it really matter in long run? If I am following rituals or not, if I am looking beautiful or not, if I am adding something to client value or not, anybody will remember this in future? Anybody will remember me in future? Do I really need to live upon everybody’s expectations? Am I permitted to follow my own dreams? Is it acceptable if I do what I really want to do, what I really love to explore? I will be happy if I enjoy ‘mytime’ but am I allowed; I can utilize it in some social gathering and keep 5-7 other people happy.

I still wonder what it is that makes me an ideal and near to perfect girl?