I've never been suicidal. I've had chronic suicidal thoughts though. They were comforting. A way to release stress.
"I should just kill myself" teeth clenched, fist squeezed.
It was giving myself an extra option to the situation I found myself in; a way out so to speak. A door I would never take, but it gave me peace of mind to know that escape existed.
I remember when I first started having suicidal thoughts. It was a bit unnerving, and I didn't understand why. Especially because I could never see myself killing myself. It was just my brain attempting to adapt to all the stress and pressure of being dehumanised by society, and trying to live in a broke world where living costs.
Irish Writer, Poet, & Lover