Thanks for the great comment (making my initial comment where I asked for feedback look all the more paltry and suspiciously brief).

You're definitley right about feeling the need to subvert expectations, but I think that need to show dominance is mixed/caused with/by an artistic insecurity, like any criticism is given distance by the fact "yeah well I said fuck it first so"haha. I still feel like it works here though, and I have no desire to go further rhyming thought w/ thought.