Welcome to New York City (Comedy open mic)

in writing •  2 months ago

What do you call genetic variation that occurs in a population because of mutation?

That’s easy. Random selection!

What do you call the process in nature in which only the organisms best adapted to their environment tend to survive and transmit their genetic characters?

OK. Natural Selection

Then what do you call a broken system that randomly separates families in an airport causing headaches and even potential missing children?

Um, terrorist selection.

No, it’s called U.S. department of immigration.

If you have an X on your immigration application then wait for two hours. If you have an O then you are finished in three minutes. After flying for thirteen hours my wife and son had to wait in line for 2 more hours in immigration while my youngest son and I went through the three minute line. We are all the same family. We are all US citizens. When I asked the reason we had to be separated I was told that it was a random process and X must wait in the X line while others must go through. This is very 1984.

It was the most humiliating and painstaking part of the trip. If I would have known he would be in line for two hours more than me then I would just take him with me in my line anyway insisting that our family cannot be separated. The X doesn't mean he is bad or anything but just a random choice that half the people are waiting in the long line.

After this experience my kids were so tired that on the way to the connecting flight they feel asleep on waiting room chairs. I had to carry them on the plane at JFK. Originally I thought transferring through New York would not be so bad and if we had some time we could see what Queens looks like, but they were out cold.

sleep.jpg

I went into line to buy them a hamburger from Wendy's. I knew that airport prices were ridiculous but this was a little higher because it was New York. I ended up paying more than 20 dollars for 2 Dave's singles which should cost about three dollars. When I came back to our table with our food the kids were passed out. They woke up when we were landing in Chicago 6 hours later.

I really love Chicago. The weather was stormy but somehow the pilot just brushed passed the south side of the storm to avoid the rain and landed us perfectly in O'hare. I love this place. It's the only airport still filled with Irish police in each terminal. They are the people that look at my passport and say, "Welcome back home and happy early birthday bud."

Outside the gate I was surprised to see six of my old friends and my mom and dad waiting for me. I felt like a celebrity even in a small way. My kids were so excited to be in Chicago they stayed up all night and played. They went outside but suddenly my older son got scared and said, "aren't there a lot of shootings in Chicago. I think we have to go in." He was confused by what people tell him. The shooting happen every night but only in like two neighborhoods. The rest of the city is pretty safe. Although you get some random trouble makers and some shootings it is safe even at night. But that didn't convince him. He went directly inside and built LEGO avengers all night. This little fellow came out to greet us in the morning.

bunny.jpg

My youngest son ran up and down the stairs and was so excited saying, "This is exactly like Antman's house." They are not used to seeing regular houses. What we pay for two rooms in Seoul we could buy a nice house in Chicago. They played all night and now they are sleeping all day. I have no idea how I can get them to overcome jet lag.

We were supposed to go to a water park today but it started raining. The weather is so cold here compared to Korea we have to wear jackets. I forgot what the Chicago winters were like and I don't want to remember. I do want to overcome my tiredness and help my parents while I am here. I wish I could do more for them. They put up with me a lot.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." (Luke 15:20)


My dad and I shared stories. He told me a lot of jokes about retirement. I was so out of it I just laughed all night. I can't remember any of them except the Mexican fisherman joke.

Once there was a Wall Street Executive who was so stressed out he had developed multiple ailments and was at risk of dying. His doctor suggested taking a couple weeks off in a relaxing environment. The man decided to visit a Mexican fishing village. He went out to fish the next day and sat there for an hour and caught nothing. Next to him was a local village fisherman. He was there for about three house and caught a few fish and drank with his friends and went home. After a couple days of watching this local farmer's success he wanted to give him some Wall Street advice.

The man said, "You are so good at fishing. If you spent more time fishing you would be able to catch even more."

The villager answered, "Why? I catch enough for me and my family to eat."

The man said, "If you caught more fish you could sell them buy your own boat."

The villager answered, "Why?

The man said, "Then you could catch even more fish and buy a whole fleet of boats."

The villager answered, "Why?

The man said, "Then you could retire and go to a nice place and do what you like to do."

The villager answered, "Oh yes, like go to a Mexican fishing village and go fishing and drink with your friends?"

I want to nominate @moderndayhippie and @kaliju to go fishing and drink together with me in a Mexican fishing village with the prize money we win from @comedyopenmic.

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

longer lines are the biggest accomplishment of terrorists

·

Thank you for the comment, support and understanding @traf. My son was too tired to be terrorized by this ordeal. Thanks for your jokes and sometimes gems of truth as well. Sorry about the Steem drop.

·
·

Don't worry Steem is going to start a run up soon till late September, HF20 is coming out Sep23, and pretty much means once word gets out.....FOMO buyers coming in

·
·
·

So in that case I need to FOMO the FOMOs.

·
·
·
·

Sounds like a strategy!

Hi mineopoly,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating, this will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied.

Judges:

If you have any questions or quieries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

Click To Vote @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
Support COM Banner

Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

hi @mineopoly

Immigration in many countries is humiliating and I hope those who work as immigration officers will rotten in hell. Unfortunatelly I dont think it will really happend :/

If I would have known he would be in line for two hours more than me then I would just take him with me in my line anyway insisting that our family cannot be separated

Didn't you do that? I thought that you were in one line together. That's the only way really.

Enjoy your holiday my dear friend
Yours, Piotr

You and your family had quite a trip but worth it all when you arrived in Chicago. It was unfortunate about the 2 hr. wait. Your Dad sounds like a great character. Relax, laugh and enjoy being home Christopher . 😊 ❤️

haha! welcome home sir mineopoly! kind of a pain to get here but man that has to feel good! you guys are going to have a great time. God bless you all!

Uff... Immigration... so many stories that I have with that... it is kinda shitty in every place.. I am Ecuadorian but I've been living in quite a few places.. now I am in Argentina , it was a pain to get my residence here but there are so many Argentinians that want to go live in Ecuador ( yep.. there are a lot of nice beaches to retire over there ) that are having it way worse and I can only say ''I'm sorry'' .. crossing countries in general is always a problem :/

·

Yes @pechichemena. Are you going to stay in Argentina?

After the Sept 11, it's a nightmare to go through US immigration. I gave up and chose to learn Spanish voluntarily. My life is so much better visiting Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia and South America. I just assume US doesn't exist on my map.

·

I know the feeling @wittywheat. It is time for everyone to extend the borders of their heart and mind and also challenge language and political barriers to try something new.

i bet that line's not gonna stop any terrorists.
for now let it go and enjoy your time with your family :)

·

Thank you bud @roundbeargames. We got over it and also are getting over jetlag. Some pretty wild things happened to us in Chicago. I will share with you when I get some time. We are actually on the interstate in Indiana right now headed to Kentucky.