Day 951 (Daily Post)
Day 951. It is a very foggy morning here and looking like it is going to be another one of those pseudo-sunny days with a lot of cloud cover and a thunderstorm moving into the area late in the day. Those few back to back days of good sun sure were nice but it seems like things are getting back to how they have been for the last several months which amounts to lots of clouds and very intermittent sun for my solar panels.
All that weather related stuff aside I am getting off to a rather slow start after being awake late into the evening mulling over some of the logistics of getting moved and also getting setup at the new place. Since I do not actually enjoy either of those things ironing out some details and planning ahead definitely helps to somewhat sooth my mind. I think that when it comes down to it I just dislike all the inconvenience involved and doing without the few things that make my lifestyle a little easier.
A good example of that 'inconvenience' is that yesterday I took down and packed away all my cellular signal booster paraphernalia and of course that has made doing anything internet related an absolute pain in the butt because more often than not the phone just loses connectivity and fails to accomplish whatever I am doing with it. Having also run out of high-speed data for the month and my bandwidth being throttled just compounds the issue because doing anything takes forever and often just 'times out' even for the few brief moments that I get a marginally good connection. Last night after spending an hour trying to upload a five hundred and forty kilobyte image file to Patreon I finally just gave up and bought another one gigabyte of data for the month which took me another half hour to accomplish but at least now for the brief moments my connectivity actually works it can do so at a high enough speed that I can maybe/possibly/sometimes accomplish whatever I am trying to do. Considering that pretty much everything I do with both correspondences and 'work' depends on having a usable data connection it all amounts to a rather aggravating scenario to say the least not to mention it wastes a lot of my time and makes my phone use way too much battery power.
Anyway the days are rapidly slipping by and although I try to take a little time each day to just breathe and soak things in i really just wish that I could press some fast-forward button and be moved already because I am thoroughly 'over' this phase of my life and absolutely ready to embrace what comes next.
Occasionally I wonder where I would be mentally had I not chosen to document and share the last few years of my life and all I can come up with is that I would more than likely feel isolated, verbally combative, depressed, angry and downright fucking hostile. Not feeling those things (and successfully divorcing myself from them the last few years) has made all this worthwhile in and of itself.
As I have stated numerous times before my goal here was to 'make my life better' (which I have absolutely done) but also my other less often mentioned goal was 'to fulfill my dreams' and although I did not exactly accomplish that goal I did get to explore them a good bit and in the process not only redefine them but also make myself more capable of fulfilling them. Perhaps ultimately I will fulfill them via this cattywampus route that has lead me to another place where the folks have their own dreams that align much better with my own ethos and relationship with the natural world. I generally go into new scenarios with a lot of doubts and skepticism but this time I am experiencing quite the opposite of those things which in and of itself tells me everything that I really need to know.
Well I have burned up enough of my morning circle-jerking with my thoughts and tediously typing away on this phone and if I am going to maximize my productivity for the day I better wrap this up and get to doing the stuff that needs to be done around here to make way for the next (better) chapter of my life upon this rock that is hurdling through space around an exploding star at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour with absolutely no one either 'in control' or 'at the helm.'
