Dawn Of A New Year | This Is My 2018

in writing •  21 days ago

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New Year's Resolutions

Never have we heard so much about all the different changes people will make as we hear during New Year's Eve. Call it what you want, I'd say that 99% of it is pure bullshit. It's empty promises. Just like the empty promises rookie internet marketers promise their buyers luxury, fancy cars and private jets. It's fake. A facade.

There are obviously some exceptions, like always, but most of it are fake. It's just the way it works. You spend a year doing whatever you do and at the end of the year, you promise to make changes, to become better. One way or another.

Cut weight, stop spending money on crap, quit smoking, going to the gym more than twice per year, start to play football, get a second job or whatever it might be... These things can be changed, and/or promised at any given time, but people wait 365 days before they make any promises, because that's 'what people do'.

  • It's fake. Period.

People are fake and most of them doesn't even realize how full of shit they are, because literally 'everyone' is doing the same thing. 2018 has been a really tough year for me, and that's the truth. At one point, someone actually asked me if I was thinking about committing suicide. That's when I realized how truly messed up my situation was, but, not only that... I also realized how much I shared and how that affected others around me.

I'm not suicidal and even though I have periods when I hate my life, I would never think of ending it. I love to live, even though I'm not fully comfortable in life. I believe things will get better, as long as I push myself forward, and I've been pushing myself harder than ever before. Now, at the end of 2018, I look back and I'm satisfied.

It's been a living hell from time to time and despite anxiety and panic attacks, I've continued to push myself towards my goals, and I'm one step closer.

One of my closest friends told me:

I wish you a better 2019.

You see, that's what people do. They wish you a fantastic year. A year that will be filled with success of all kinds. They wish that you'll be successful and happy. That's a nice gesture and I've been doing it too...

However, when my friend told me that, I thought to myself:

A better 2019?

That basically means that my friend wants me to have a better 2019 than 2018 were... But looking back, I've been successful, so I can't really understand the point of wishing me a better 2019. Sure, there are obviously things that could've been better, that's impossible to deny, but when I heard what my friend told me, it felt like he thought my 2018 was terrible...

  • And that's inaccurate.


Image Source


What Have I Done?

There's no need for me to go into any major details about my mental illness or my past as a full time freelancer. I've been going through that multiple times, straight on, from side to side and inside out. We are past all of that. We've covered that many times before. In case you've missed any of that, and you're interested, just browse through my blog and you will be able to find whatever you might be interested in. You don't have to acknowledge me or the things I have done, and I don't force you to be friends with me. I am a friendly guy, but I'm not here to establish any deep relationships, even though I appreciate each and every of my follower or person who I've been in contact with. There are a handful of people I consider to be my friends, but none of them are what I would call close friends.

It's hard for me to establish that sort of relation over the internet. I need to meet people in person, in real life to do that, and truth to be told, I'll probably never meet you. I might meet some of you, at some point, but I won't meet 95% of the people here. Ever.

  • And I'm perfectly okay with that.

So, what have I done during 2018?
Despite the fact that I don't look for any deep relations online, I work hard for things I believe in, and as a person who's eager to see a real, working, established middle class, I've done different things with that in mind.



Image Source: One Of My Previous Articles.


I am the co-founder of the @asapers. An extremely successful project that unfortunately became inactive after several months of hard work. My fellow asapers are wonderful people and I wish them the best in life. The reason for the project to be put on hold, or to become inactive, is due to life. There are no other reasons for it. It was incredibly time consuming and the people involved with the project, including myself, don't have that time at this point.

As a manual curation project, with a discord channel and a support "center", it became a bite too large to chew. It's a bit unfortunate, but it's life. I was and still am a proud co-founder, and I've always considered the asapers to be my "baby" of sorts, so it was hard to let go...

However, I'm still proud over all the things we accomplished with the @asapers. Sure, I failed my attempts to get decent Steem Power delegation deals, and I failed my attempts to grow the core group of asapers when time started to become a huge issue, but I am still proud, honored and satisfied with the things we achieved. It was really fun to work with all the people involved and it was incredible to see how appreciated the asapers were.

We started with nothing but a 'pay it forward'-mindset and empty pockets. I delegated 100% of my own Steem Power to the project for the majority of the time while we manually curated over 200 users, which we also shared the rewards from our issues with.

The @asapers was definitely, in my opinion, one of the greatest projects on Steemit, but it never got enough recognition so we lacked SP to evolve properly. And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that other curation teams and cool projects out there are worse or are doing things wrong or incorrect. I'm also not blaming anyone for the lack of SP.

But, in all honesty, I truly believe that the @asapers would've done more good things than some of the projects and initiatives I've seen out there. We didn't do the things we did for ourselves. We didn't try to squeeze out as much rewards or anything to ourselves... Like most other initiatives do.

We did what we believed was the best for others, with a 100% pay it forward-mindset. Look, I totally get it. Most teams, groups and initiatives out there are running a form of business, so I can totally understand why they operate like they are... But it wasn't our goal with the @asapers, and that's why I personally believe the asapers deserved more recognition.

We worked towards a better experience for everyone, and we worked to build and establish some sort of middle class. Something that could eventually resemblance a middle class. Without short term profits in mind.



Image Source: One Of My Previous Articles


The Goals.

The above image describes the whole concept in a simple way. In a nutshell, it's my mindset. I delegated my Steem Power in a non-profit attempt to empower and reward others. I wanted to spread the wealth so to speak. However, the delegation was non-profit in terms of short term profits as I've always believed that I would benefit by my deeds long term. Both in terms of growth, as in more followers and a larger audience, but also in terms of rewards, as in pure profits. (= More stake.)

That's the reason I came up with the idea of giving away tokens for free to hand picked authors who came close to hit the minnow marker. - It was yet again an attempt to build and establish a middle class, in a rapid way. In a different, never-tried before way.

If we could push people into minnowhood, if we could make minnows, we would ultimately have built a strong, working middle class where people's votes would've been worth more... Hence, we would have earned more due to the continuous support we would've built together along the way. That's why I launched the minnow maker-project. Alongside the asapers project. It was an attempt to encourage, motivate and inspire people around me, to ultimately have a healthier platform that everyone would benefit from.

Yet again, a successful project that brought us minnows quicker than ever before. A rapid way to build a stronger platform, all due to generosity with a pay it forward mentality. That's obviously how I get things done, and it seems to work. Sort of.


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Even though I have been successful, numerous times, with the things I've done... I consider these things to be 'half success', as none of the things take off like it can. I could've said should instead, but the truth is that others are the judge of that. I am not the one to decide the outcome, even though I've always wished for a true successful launch. I am not the judge, because I've never treated it like a business.

The things I have done has been done for free. Non-profit. And I have started to question myself and the things I have done, due to the lack of recognition and commitment from others. Even though I have done good things, and these things have been successful, none of them have been true successes... So it's easy to start blaming yourself for it. At least for me.

Both of these projects or initiatives have been well recieved by people here, but it has never been enough so to speak. I've never been able to establish true response and/or recognition that actually sticks. I have started to believe that it's due to the lack of commitment, because it's been non-profit from the get go. People are in general looking for short term profits, and that's why the outcome has been half as good as they could've been.



Image Source


In real life, outside the blockchain, where I actually meet people in person, I've been successful with my studies so far. As (most) of you know, I started to study in March 2018. The transition going from full time freelancer to a full time student was awkward, weird and extremely frustrating. Before I took the 'leap of faith', I did numerous calculations. I had to do it, as I knew from the start that I'd be cutting my salary with 50%-60% per month. I knew that I would get 50%-60% less each month, but I figured that it would work out pretty well...

It did, in the beginning, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I quickly hit a brick wall and everything started to become extremely difficult. I started to lose motivation, I pushed myself harder than ever before and I ran out of air multiple times... But I continued to fight.

I continued to battle my inner demons and I continued to push myself through the anxiety, panic attacks, stress and depression. I fought for the things I believe in, and even though the situation still is similar, I'm alive and kicking. I am grateful for not giving up, even though some people around me told me that I should.


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I've managed to get decent grades, even though I was low on energy. Right before summer, my grades took a blow or two due to the extreme pressure I felt, but at the end, I managed to pull through. I've studied since March 2018 and I look forward to 2019. I will continue to pursue my dreams, so that I'm able to 'heal the world' when I get there.

After all, I study to get knowledge which I can use to help others... But, this education means so much more than that. I also study as it's a form of 'self heal', and I get more knowledge and experience to overcome and/or learn to live easier with my own illness. It's a done deal. If I do this, I will be able to help myself better, and I will have the knowledge to help others. - And that's my mission in life.

I want to heal the world... And I will continue to fight for as long as I can to achieve those goals. - What are your goals in life? Do you have anything specific that you are fighting for?


Thank You For Everything During 2018.


Special Thanks To: (In no specific order)

@fulltimegeek | @teamsteem | @shai-hulud | @thedarkhorse | @simplymike | @erodedthoughts | @ifartrainbows | @preparedwombat | @headchange | @lyndsaybowes | @goldendawne | @phoenixwren | @blacklux | @abh12345 | @erikklok | @deirdyweirdy | @googlyeyes | @deadspace | @insideoutlet | @lynncoyle1 | @davemccoy | @gduran | @khimgoh | @minismallholding | @sparkesy43 | @robertandrew | @danielsaori | @zekepickleman | @whatsup | @stever82 | @coinsandchains | @kaerpediem | @empress-eremmy | @janton | @cryptocurator | @guiltyparties | @gooddream | @matthewtiii | @lemony-cricket | @dfinney | @trincowski | @brittandjosie | @viking-ventures | @tezmel | @akdx | @vincy | @mirrors | @yogajill | @neoxian | @kerrywolf | @allseeingewe | @newageinv | @cwow2

And probably a handful of others I might have missed.



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Each new year gives us the opportunity to start good habits. New Years may be a man made threshold but so are decisions so here’s to good habits and a great year.

Posted using Partiko iOS

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Thank you! I really hope 2019 will be a good year and I will do what I can to make that happen. :)

I appreciate reading your post very much as it provides great perspective and inspiration to move forward no matter what. I think you have a great mindset and think much about your success! I too hate we people wish us luck; we need success as it comes with hard work. One piece of feedback I learned when I was young and from watching my parents is that while you want to focus on supporting and helping you must also do the same for yourself. If you cannot succeed, you cannot help others so while it may sound selfish, nonprofit type initiatives are tough if you yourself need the support. I look forward to a great 2019 and seeing you as part of the process!

Posted using Partiko iOS

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I totally agree with you. During this rather harsh time, I actually sort of 'lost' myself along the way, and what you said makes so much sense. I'll be back, stronger than ever before, and I've found myself again, which I'm grateful for. I look forward to 2019 as well, and I know it will bring us many good, cool things. No matter the value of our beloved tokens.

Good to hear from and that you are alive and kicking! :D

My goal is still to become a NLP Life Coaching who later specifies himself in Mental Illinesses.

But I also hit a brick wall during Christmas.
The work schedule is still shit and it keeps getting shitter now since I have to work night shifts also the dark weather isn't helping at all.
So because of that I got demotivated and I only do what I am supposed to, not more than that like before and because of that, my workout routine got fucked same with my eating habits.

New years or not, it has to change now and I started today with my workout and eating better. - The Grind is slow and I am not a fan.

Posted using Partiko Android

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Thank you. :)

the dark weather isn't helping at all.

I hear you. It's dark literally all the time and the only thing that gives us is depressing feelings. We don't even have snow in Sweden yet, where I live, so it's really dark. Snow gives us a bit more lighting, so I look forward to the snow.

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Same in Denmark. No snow, just darkness

Posted using Partiko Android

I can’t remember a time when I actually made a new year’s resolution. I’m more on the mindset that I would need the right attitude more than the right date. Having said that, the energy that so many put into it does give one the extra push but obviously wasted if the attitude hasn’t quite caught up.

You @hitmeasap are one of the few here in the SteemVerse and just generally gave me hope there are good people out there

And honestly knowing that you have had your demons through all the reaching out you have done is beyond me.

Only on the note that we always strive for better/more
I am going to wish you more of the good things you want and less of the ones you don’t.... A fabulous 2019 and Thank You 💗

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I appreciate it @kaerpediem, thank you. Yeah, well... Everyone has skeletons in the closet, right? I've just tried to handle everything by being open and public about it, meanwhile I've tried to focus on other things, as it's often easier to avoid or ignore certain things and focus on other things instead.

That being said, the things you ignore doesn't go away though, so you'll still have to sort it out sooner or later.

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At my worse moments, I work at being grateful... it helps me
The other thing I do is The Ho'oponopono chant.... it helps to quiet my thundering thoughts of worry....
And the less I worry, I find there's less to worry... could be a coincidence...

As for you, most people would just wallow in self-pity or lash out....
So you are a good person.... <3
Hugs

The new year wishes is always a polite thingy, we always say that in automatic but also because we do wish our friends have a good year. So, I wish you can achieve whatever you need or want in this year.

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Same to you! And yeah, it's something we do because we're being polite, or trying to be polite... But it usually doesn't hold much weight.

It's like asking one of your neighbors how they are, and you couldn't care less about the answer, because no one will ever tell you exactly how they are when you ask that question randomly. :D

Happy New Year buddy, good to see a post from you.

I hope you can look back at the end of this year and see it as a better one - better than 2018 is a goal :)

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Thank you Asher, I appreciate it. I've been catching my breath lately, but I'll become more active from now on again. :)

Better than 2018 is a goal. At least when you don't sound like you're judging the previous year as a shitty one. :D - I wish you the same thing!

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I'm not judging your year, that's for you to do :)

Anyway, good to see you around!

It's hard to have to make difficult decisions when things aren't going as we expected. I wish I had the energy/drive to do (at least) weekly posts for Asapers, but the reality is that I don't. Too little time for too many good things that need doing.

Try not to blame yourself too much. Although it was difficult to lose the delegation, there were other factors as well including situations in people's lives which meant that good intentions were no longer able to be kept up.

I, too, hope you have a better 2019, but I think we all need a better 2019!

Thanks for sharing your life and your passion with us! You’ve done well considering the circumstances and most people would say just being here on steemit and posting is great already but you’ve gone above and beyond 👏🏻👍🏻🎉

Posted using Partiko iOS

I like your perspective :0)
2018 has been a pretty rough year for me too (still lying in bad, stzring at the same walls I started staring at in February. But it was a year fillesd with personal growth, more than any of the years before. For that aspect, I wouldn't trade it for the world :0)

Congrats on your grades. It's not easy when you can not focus on your studies for the full 100%, so I think a double congrats is in place. Not only for the grades, but for everything you achieved in 2018 (and before).

Posted using Partiko Android

Congratulations for all that you accomplished in 2018 and for taking the time for personal growth! Life really is about learning, and if we were all perfect from day one, what would be the purpose of it all?

I hope your 2019 is filled with love, peace, happiness and success ... whatever that all may look like to you! And I'm honored to be included in your list; you were the first big guy to really take an interest in what I had to say and it made a huge difference for me here. So thank you too!

Gott Nytt År!!
Låt oss hoppas på ett underbart 2019 cryptoår.