[Original Novel] Little Robot, Part 12

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The robots in the network of caverns beyond the double door lockout aren’t that different from the B.E.A.M. bots. They use peltier junctions to harvest heat instead of light, feeding off of hot air released from various points in a mess of ducts installed throughout the caves. The heat is geothermally generated, else the energy cost of this experiment would’ve confined it to the drawing board forever.

So it is that the inhabitants of the cave stumble blindly through cold darkness in search of warmth...as I suppose we all do. They are more mechanically sophisticated than the B.E.A.M. bots though. Necessarily, due to the difficulty of navigating the otherwise unmodified subterranean environment.

The ones we put in there to start with were mostly hexapods, insect-like robots about the size of cats but which locomote on six spindly, articulated legs.

Because they are not so rudimentary as their tiny progenitors in the Garden, they do carry elementary AI which, among other things, often compels them to fight over heat sources. When one is destroyed, specialized attendant robots are deployed from the fabricator.

They collect the remains of the destroyed hexapod and return it to the fabricator where it’s recycled. What comes out is usually difficult to tell apart from what was put in, but there are small differences. The fabricator is programmed to introduce occasional random variations on their design, and to keep track of how successful they are.

The designs which die the most are phased out. The ones which die the least are used as the basis for further experimental changes.

When the fabricator itself breaks down, the attendant robots take a break from their usual waste collection duties to repair it, using stockpiled replacement parts all manufactured by the fabricator in advance.

The attendant robots are themselves made entirely from parts the fabricator is capable of producing, and the geothermal power plant is accessible to them should it ever require their attention.

The result is that the entire mess is self-sustaining for the foreseeable future, possible to stop only in the event that the caverns collapse or the geothermal hotspot we’re tapped into goes cold.

I stopped before the lockout and found my checklist pinned to the bulletin board to one side of the ominous steel hatch. Without my phone, I couldn’t rely on the flowchart app I usually use to help me stay on the ball. I’d instead printed out Evolutionary Robotics standard procedures for entry into the “primary machine habitat”.

First, into the bunny suit. The same inflatable white getup with the transparent viewport to peer through you’ve probably seen in microprocessor commercials, or late night made for TV movies about some plague.

Next, verify contents of tool bag and sling over one shoulder as shown in the diagram. The text is evidently from an illustrated manual that existed at some point. My printout of the version I requested by email, a simple text document, didn’t have it.

After that, open the outer door. The decontamination shower is built into the inner chamber. With a long, low groan, I swung the great round hatch to one side and stepped through. It was just as much of an ordeal to pull shut.

Step four calls for activating the decontamination shower. I waited for it to complete, then moved on to the next step. Open the outer door. I punched in the same code, and when I heard the magnetic locks release, I heaved the hatch open. Alright.

Step six says to unload the contents of the tool bag into the storage locker I got them from. I did so carefully, making sure to deposit everything in its correct location. Step seven, remove Evolutionary Robotics regulation clean room suit.

I had the suit down to my waist before I stopped to think more carefully about what I was doing. I’d been in the lockout a minute ago.

What was I doing out here? With an unloaded tool bag, no less! I spotted Lars with one hand over his mouth, fighting back what I figured for a coughing fit. Sue stood next to him looking concerned, or sad.

Must’ve messed up somewhere. I went back to the start of the instructions, climbing back into the suit. Then moving on to the next step, loading all of the listed tools into the bag and putting it on. Next, into the lockout.

When I emerged the second time, Sue ran up to me and pulled the printout out of my hands. Lars called out after her. “Aw come on, don’t go and ruin it. He was gonna do it again!” I first looked at Sue. Then at Lars, intensely perplexed. Then back at Sue.

I tried to resume unloading my toolbag, but Sue grabbed my wrists. “What are you doing?” I demanded. “It says I have to unload the tools. I must complete every step.”

She pointed to the numbered steps and explained that the night before, Lars printed out his own version which repeated the first few steps backwards after step four.

I stood there turning progressively deeper shades of red as Lars howled and slapped his knee in delight. My frustration mounted, with no outlet I could think of that wouldn’t just add to his enjoyment. So I settled on curling up in the corner with my knees held to my chest.

Sue knelt next to me. Behind her, Lars finished wiping the tears from his eyes and wandered back towards his own workspace. “Are you alright? I told him it was dumb. He just wouldn’t be talked out of it. I thought you would notice sooner.” I just rocked gently, knees still held tight, struggling to calm myself down.

“That wasn’t okay.” I mumbled. “I was prevented from completing the procedures required to enter the experiment area. I need to do that in order to complete the work I’ve allotted myself for today. It wasn’t okay for him to do that.”

She sighed. “No. No, it wasn’t. I’ll have a talk with HR.” She sat with me a little while longer until my breathing and heart rate slowed to normal and I felt up to resuming my work.

At my request, she made me a corrected instruction sheet. “Do you really need this? There’s only ten things on it. That’s not-” she trailed off.

She can’t see my face any more than Lars can, but somehow she always knows what I’m feeling. As a result, she dropped the matter and carried on queuing the document to be printed.

I double, then triple check it. Like I should’ve the first time. Everything’s correct. Everything is how it needs to be. I proceeded through the steps until I found myself emerging through the inner hatch into the pitch black cavern network.

Despite the insulation of the suit, I could feel a light wind. There’s no connection to the surface that I know of, the wind’s just the result of changing temperature differentials as hot air vents turn on or off at various points throughout the caves.

Over the gentle hum and whirr of the rebreather built into the suit, I heard the sound of dripping water echoing down the length of the great, ragged stone tunnel. It never fails to soothe me, such that I occasionally sneak in here simply for respite from Lars.

He really isn’t so bad. I’m old enough now to distinguish mischief from malevolence. I have known truly malevolent people, Lars is just rough around the edges and enamoured with his own ideas. That includes what he thinks is funny. Naturally if you disagree, he’ll tell you it’s because you’ve got no sense of humor.

It’s just too much sometimes. He crossed a line today, something I could tell Sue felt the same about. He’ll get some docked pay at the worst. Whatever I may think of him, he’s fantastically talented and no more disposable than I am.

There are perhaps four people in the world working in his specific field who compare, all of which work for other robotics firms. Evolutionary Robotics isn’t about to send him running into the eager, open arms of competitors over a practical joke.

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^{Stay Tuned for Part 13!}