"The System" an original work of fiction for the #weekendfreewrite challenge

in weekendfreewrite •  last year

Thank you @mariannewest for another fabulous #freewrite challenge. And its the weekend! Hurrah for the weekend freewrite challenge! This challenge involves three prompts. So each part of the story is informed by the next prompt.

To learn more and take part visit https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/weekend-freewrite-2-24-2018-part-1-the-first-sentence

If you don't know what a freewrite is visit @mariannewest, here is a link to the introduction post: https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/writers-or-wanna-be-writers-wanted-be-free-freewrite


I had this system for getting exactly what I wanted out of people. A man sold it to me for the bargain price of just one thousand dollars, which he said he needed for a new car.

He said that the fact I gave him what he wanted proved to me that it must work.

My wife said I was a gullible idiot, but I thought that was a bit mean. She was pretty angry when I got home and told her all about the deal I made.

"That was our only savings!" she screamed in my face.

"But you have to spend money, to make money," I said.

She packed her bags.

"I'm going to spend some time with my sister," she said. "I suggest you spend some time having a good hard look at yourself."

I didn't want her to leave. But I couldn't stop her.

I hadn't had time to read the instructions on the system for getting exactly what I want out of people.

As the car pulled out of the drive, I looked in the mirror. What did my wife expect me to see? A sad, middle aged man. No job, no prospects. I just needed a bit of hope in my life. A bit of self belief.

And some support from my wife would be nice too.

I sighed, and went to the fridge and made myself a sandwich out of last nights left over curry...


"He was skating on thin ice - that's all I can say!"

I awoke, alone in the kitchen. I lifted my head from the plate on which it rested, and peeled off a piece of curried chicken from my cheek.

I ate it.

Waste not, want not.

The dream - featuring my wife and her sister - came crashing back to me. It was as if I was there, a fly on the wall if you will, listening to them both bad-mouth me.

I went to the bathroom and washed the excess curry stain off my face. I wondered if I should call my wife. Plead with her, perhaps.

Argue with her, more likely.

I decided against it. I should spend my time being more productive. I should read the system.

Everything would be fine, once I understood the system.

My wife would come back to me, her sister would beg my forgiveness for the things she said in my dream. I would get a job, or even better just lots of cash so I didn't have to get a job.

I must have spent an hour thinking about all the good shit that was going to happen once I had understood the system...


The day Shelia brought Hilary to my office, was the start of all my problems. Hilary, my wife's sister, has never liked me. She always told Shelia that she could do better.

That I was a loser.

That I was going to drag her down.

I guess Hilary was right. But I couldn't help but feel that the reason all of those things came to pass was because Hillary had orchestrated it.

I am not sure why she hated me quite so much. Scratch that. I do know. I started off on the wrong foot with her. I got too drunk the first time we met - at her wedding anniversary - and I persuaded her husband to drive to Vegas with me. He ended up sleeping with a prostitute and then got shot by her pimp.

Yeah, it could have been that.

Anyways, I thinks she planted something on my computer, that day, and that's what got me fired.

I sighed, and opened the documents that would change my life. The system. The pages were blank.

Accept for the last one.

It just had four words on it.

Fuck you asshole.



Well, that worked out pretty well. I even managed to get the punchline in before the time ran out. Edits included fixing a couple of typos, and adding italics, line spaces and the "heading" size font for the last four words.


There are more stories on my blog if you want to check them out. But I can't be arsed to put the links on here, so you'll have to find them yourself.

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Mwahahaha that was just plain evil. Loved it. Very well done, congratulations on getting a complete story in and keeping the reader entertained.


Thank you! I am often a little disappointed by my weekend freewrites, but I liked this one! :)

Ha ha. Sometimes I feel like I was sold 'the system' when I got into trading crypto ;-) Now I have eased of day-trading and play the Hodler game I feel less like I've read that final page.

Hillary... what a bitch ;-) Nice freewrite @felt.buzz


LOL. To be fair to Hillary, the main character did get her husband killed! I have no sympathy for him!

Great story, I particularly like how you dealt with the second prompt!


Thank you! :)

Yeah, probably was the Vegas thing! I love the way you end your stories felt.buzz!!

Today your prompts are being delivered by a young, spindly legged Gerenuk who has recently moved to the town of Freewrite. (We handed him the bag, told him it was tradition that each new resident upheld, then went to luau!)

Freewrite Day 129 - Fingernail


Thank you Brisby (and Gerenuk, of course) :)

Loved this!!!!!!!



Thanks for reading and commenting, Snook! Always appreciated! Hope you had a fantastic weekend, and you're ready for the week! :)

"...and peeled off a piece of curried chicken from my cheek.

I ate it.

Waste not, want not."

Hah! This is a brutally funny piece... ouch. Hurts to read but makes you laugh at the same time. Awesome job man :D


Thank you, very much! :)

Gotta love evil people lol. At least the guy died happy. You rock at the short stories. Mine tend to continue, lol. Did you see I finally ended Chozzy and Kelly?


I have not seen that! I will go and have a look! So much to see and so little time! I'll add you to my ginabot list so I get to see what you post! :)


Lol, I hear ya on that. I lose track of so many people.

That was a riot @felt.buzz, Cracker of an ending... "He ended up sleeping with a prostitute and then got shot by her pimp.

Yeah, it could have been that."

I nearly spat my drink on my keyboard when I read that! Hilarious :o) :o)


Glad to have entertained you. Also glad you didn't actually spit your drink on the keyboard. I don't want to get sued for a new keyboard... ;)


Ha ha... Managed to have a free hour, and read loads of freewrites!! Such a treat, so many cool heads from all around the globe.. Steemit has been such a cracker of a find for me.. I don't even check my blockfolio anymore, just Steemit first thing when I wake up :o)

Good story, I enjoyed reading it!!
Bonne semaine Bruce !


Merci! Et à toi aussi! :)