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GREETINGS (Weekend 5-minute Freewrite)

a Weekend 5-minute Freewrite by A.E. Jackson

GREETINGS - a 5-minute Freewrite by A.E. Jackson
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If you'll permit me, I am going to challenge myself to stay in the same story for all the 5-minute Freewrite Prompts for the month of February! Let's see how this turns out...

"I decided to watch my neighbor all the time. Dog poop on the lawn means that I need to teach him a lesson," said the well dressed man as the red cabbage borscht cascaded over the laughing woman's bright white evening dress. The sound of soup spoons hitting plates was in strange juxtaposition to the silence which descended.

Ilana spat out tendrils of cabbage. She flung her arms outward. Soup splattered on a banker, and an opera singer seated at neighboring tables. Her eyes blinked away broth as they spread wide as empty saucers. Her gaze pierced the waiter kneeling on the ground in front of her.

"What? Ick. You fool," Ilana said. She stood and her chair toppled over backward with a crash. A low murmur filled the packed ballroom. Several other wait staff approached the soup-drenched woman and attempted to help clean her off. As they started patting her down, conversations picked up where they left off and the dinner resumed.

Felix was as red as the appetizer splattered on the floor.

"Congratulations for ranking in the top 20. Your reward is..." said the Chief Purser. He was cut off mid-sentence when a woman, dressed like Carrie after the prom scene, burst into his office and interrupted the impromptu training session. "Can I help you ma'am?"

"You can help me by putting that fool off at the first port we visit!" Ilana glared at each of the staff members gathered in the small office in turn. New and seasoned employees alike wore differing degrees of smirks. Several hid open mouthed laughter behind cupped hands. "Ooooh! This ship!"

Ilana turned, slammed the door, and stormed toward her room.

Several paces behind, unnoticed by her, Felix did his best to trail the woman he'd coated in dinner. He'd never seen anyone so beautiful in all his life.

As he darted along narrow passageways, he hid behind corners, drapes, and large potted plants to remain unseen. In her embarrassment, Ilana wouldn't have noticed if she was being stalked by an African elephant.

Felix approached her door with what could be called a peace offering. He hoped it would be interpreted as at least a good will gesture. In his arms he carried three containers. At the bottom, a portion of the main course he had to bribe the waiter to let him take. Above that, a small styrofoam cup filled with more cabbage borscht, secured with a snug fitting plastic lid. On the top sat a thick slice of 'Better Than Sex' chocolate cake which wasn't even on the menu tonight. That took some doing.

He reached her room moments after the door slammed. And he froze. Felix wasn't sure if he should leave the food outside, or knock and attempt to apologize to this woman he embarrassed in front of the entire ship.

Against his better judgment he pressed the small door chime and it erupted in a blare of horns announcing his presence The trumpet was loud.

T O B E C O N T I N U E D . . .

© 2019, A.E. Jackson. All rights reserved.

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I'm a bit outta the loop when it comes to yer tales so I shan't remark if the connections to other tales are coherent or not. Withal (Even so), I was able to pick up the gestures and formulate a semi-coherent sense of things which may be what you were gesturing at. But to stop gawking at my ability to stumble into the most random of things and make sense of them after I settle in for a few minutes, let's get to the post.

Content: Since as aforementioned, I shan't be talking about whether the cabbage is part of a running gag, nor of the staff member ordeal. Yet I do figure them funny as they stood out from the rest of the post due to the sheer emphasis placed on them. Going further, I noticed the two big plot threads (the embarrassment thread and the Felix-Ilana thread) and I found them rather interconnected to the point that I wanted to just read more how Felix would dig himself further into a hole while Ilana get tired of him. Equally so, I figure that this would actually be a funny way to start up an entire story from this book mark in the turn of tales. Especially since this is probably the most context-establishing here and the fact we get to see the inner psychologies reflected in their actions. The start definitely felt like a looney-toons cartoon with how the staff acted and the premise of her being grossed out by Felix; the mid-section definitely one of those movie-esque rom-coms (romantic comedies); the end-section definitely the pullback to the bland reality and the set of dangers that awaits Felix as Ilana freaks out that someone intruded/barged into her room looking to ransack it. (I shan't check the trumpet, because I believe my ears should be reserved for true ear devastation.)

Happy fiction-crafting and happy steeming!~

Wow @theironfelix - that’s quite an analysis and write up! Thanks so much for taking the time to read - even a few posts.

I write for the Freewrite House on a regular basis. I find it challenging, and inspiring both. Plus it gets the gears turning for longer pieces! At the start of February I added another challenge - stick with one story for one full month. I have to admit - I was worried. This was the longest amount of time I’ve ever forgot with any one character or plot. And it was fun!!

I encourage you to scroll back to February 1 and follow Felix and Ilana from the beginning. To be sure - there are plot holes, setups without resolution, and an inconsistent rate of building climax. But that’s what you get in five minute chunks. Ha ha

I appreciate your time for reading, and I’m grateful for the feedback. The longest critique of my career thus far - thank you. I invite you back at any time - short or long posts - to hopefully enjoy, and honestly review my writing.

If you keep reading, I’ll keep writing!

Welcome for the comment! ~^^~
I love it when people synchronicize/connect-up/serialize works of fiction together in the attempt to connect them all. For me, I've been doing that for a while thanks to a person named the "Lorerunner" on YouTube, but that's just a point of trivia for me that needs not much bearing here for now.

Well, I shall if I got the time to do so; best to post links here as well. No shame in doing that as I had to do that to gather some people's attentions. In any a case, that's where "independent" posts can most certainly clean up these; that's if yah wanna go back to them and not just draft a completely new story~

Welcome once again and thanks for sharing the story to the Whole Wide World (what the www stands for people, don't worry I meant this for the internet; kind of hard to tell since we don't have accents nor ways to communicate to outside audiences that - yet).


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It would be a great surprise on the next episode.
Quite a thrill story.
When is the next episode, the continuation?

Thanks @ronel! The tale continues through February 28 - but it was there I wrapped it up. Stay tuned for more writing though - if you keep reading, I’ll keep writing!

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Oh yeah!
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Good luck!

Congratulations on your @curie upvote, that was well deserved. 👏

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I have read quite a few for the weekend freewrites for this crazy series of prompts and none of them are alike in any way. I'm so excited to see your curie for this effort, @aejackson. I really admire how you are able to get coherent tales out of the many prompts we get. Including the cabbage borscht again was genius!

Thanks @fitnfun! The challenge of sticking with one story through the entire month was tough - but so rewarding. I appreciate you reading, and your encouragement

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Glad to! I am always happy to support my fellow freewriters :)