venting - part 2steemCreated with Sketch.

in venting •  5 months ago

Hi. Its been a while...
I just thought i would update you on the crazy mind of Tess....
So there hasn't been any content at all lately. And I am sorry. I really wanna push content and build a community on here. Things have been preventing me from doing so. There was a blog post i never posted entitled "Finding Myself - Regrets, Confusion, and Breakdowns". In it I was going to go into details on how Tess came to be and how it caused corruption in my mind that lead to breakdowns upon breakdowns and talked about the regrets i had with making quick decisions with being Trans and how I now identify as NonBinary. About how I went through a period of "needing to be in a relationship" which has ended today after my current relationship just ended this morning.

The "happy" branding and post was done last night due to a breakdown i silently had. I won't go into detail on the triggers, but it made me realize i am unhappy with my life right now. And I made another quick decision to change my branding to demonstrate an exaggerated version of people putting on a happy face even tho they arent happy at all. I might revert the branding back to what it was, but for now i kinda like the idea, despite it being a quick decision piloted by my breakdown last night.

If anyone is reading this who was with me at any point or are even just a friend. I want u to know I am sorry, and that i am appreciative of the support you give me despite everything that happened.

I still plan to visit Scotland in January and visit some of those friends! :) I also still REALLY wanna move there someday!

So here's what i am going to do to help with things. I am going to refrain from getting attached to anyone else and I am going to focus on content and building a community here. And eventually I wanna start streaming when I move out; but the videos, blog posts and tracks will suffice for now.

I am also going to refrain from looking at my Twitter timeline much (if at all) because 9 times out of 10 a trigger is caused by a tweet or 2 (or reply or 2) in my timeline. I am still up for DMing or being tweeted at directly though! I also may not pop up in streams as much because the same thing happens with some chat messages in chats as well. So I am going to focus on my content here, and the community here, and work on my friendships (but not getting too attached).

Just gonna take things as they go. I need to make changes and I think this is a good start.

Thanks for reading and hearing me out

~ im happy, and hopefully that statement will not be a lie (like it currently is) moving forward.

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Stay safe, deary. It'll be good 👍👍

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Thank you! :3

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Sending internet hugs your way, hopefully a wee spell of social media avoidance does you good in the short term. Getting hyped for the eventual big Scottish meetup!!

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Me too!!! It’s gonna be so epic! hugs

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Update: I have decided to abandon my twitter account completely. Please contact me on discord if you want to speak privately. I didn’t deactivate cause I want the account to still be there, should I decide to come back to twitter. I’m focusing 100% on Steem and the Steem platforms!

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