If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet <stomp> <stomp>
Do you remember the song when you were young? If your happy and you know it, clap your hands! I'm not sure if people all around the world is familiar with the song, so here it is.
Why am I sharing a childhood song that teaches children healthy ways to express how they are feeling? I suggested in my book 'Graduating Life with Honours' that we are essentially in a spiritual kindergarten class where we are learning how to have healthy relationships and that life here is ALL about relationships.
So why teach kids to stomp their feet? Perhaps it would be a much better expression than punching somebody, turning violent, yelling or being abusive. At least it is an expression that can help them identify when they are angry, hurting or scared so that they can then find the proper remedy and response to the stimuli that resulted in their reaction.
When I was young, I was also taught:
sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me - Alexander William Kinglake 1830
While I can appreciate the attempt to minimize the taunting or hurtful nature of name calling, words do hurt and the scars are hidden from view for everyone except the individual injured. Over time, I started to believe those words so I picked up where the bullies left off and did my own self abuse thought processes. It took years for me to unwind the false ideas that were taught to me when I was young. Names and words do indeed hurt and they can cut very deep! So it is up to each individual to heal those wounds and find the support in others to help with that healing process.
When I confront somebody who is self-abusing, I make a graphic point to offer my Korean training sword (hard wooden stick) to them so that when they beat themselves up at least they can see the bruises. They always refuse the offer, but it made the point and it brought their self-abuse into their consciousness so that they can start to work on it.
Words have power, tremendous power! There is another really old saying:
The pen is mightier than the sword - Edward Bulwer-Lytton (1839)
As with any tool, it can be used for good or evil. Our words have tremendous power as we cast spells every day with them. That is why we have to 'spell' the words properly so that we get it right. It takes a lot of time, work, training and effort in order to command the words so that we say what we mean and mean what we say. Words command much more power and respect, even more than a physical weapon! Ideas are bullet proof after all.
When people are angry, scared, lost, fearful, etc, it is common to lash out with violence, even unconsciously. It does not matter if it is with a sword, downvotes or words. But is it the correct response to how we are feeling? If we are indeed angry, perhaps we should learn to stomp our feet first. At least that would provide a buffer between how we feel and our emotional reactions to those feelings so that we can self-reflect to ensure our response is measured and appropriate. This is a critical feature of self-governance and is mandatory in a model of anarchy. If we cannot find a way to temper the violence, anarchy models will fail.
I've been a witness to a lot of violence in my life and I see it all around me. For me it is very easy to see because I am a reformed violent abuser myself. The classic covert (passive/aggressive) violent behaviours were my specialty. I confront people about them because it is so blatantly obvious to me in the hopes that the awareness will spawn a process of self-reflection, critical thinking and some healing which results in changed behaviour. Sometimes it works, other times it does not.
The most difficult change in my life was to confront my foundational behaviours and beliefs, tear them down and rebuild my life from the ground up. It was the most terrifying experience in my life, but it also changed my life. Being confronted about my violence was a sobering reality check. If we are not able or willing to examine our behaviours then the willingness to learn is gone and the justifications take over. A very powerful weapon against change.
The old paradigms that we were taught when we were kids have flaws. Names do indeed hurt and words have great power. With great power comes great responsibility. They are a tool that can build but also destroy. Choose them wisely.
I see lots of anger, pain and rage being expressed. Lashing out at others is not a healthy or appropriate response to those emotional reactions. I work hard to put that anger and violence where it belongs, on the shoulders of those who expressed it. But not everyone has that ability or skill. It takes a great deal of effort, time and resources to heal. But I do have a duty to stand up and confront people when they are being violent. I've lost friends as a result and I mourn the losses. <3
If you're angry and you know it, stomp your feet <stomp> <stomp>. Lay off the words, downvotes and other weapons. The scars and damage being done goes far beyond what you or anybody else can 'see'. Please find other more healthy and balanced ways of dealing with your emotional reactions to your feelings. When we do this, we have a much better chance at Graduating Life with Honours and moving past the lessons that we are to learn in this classroom called Earth.
It's been a few day's now since I realized that deep inside me was the belief that I am worthless. You could have knocked me over with a feather. @wwf was the catalyst who helped me see it. I am looking it over and I see that the roots are deep, insidious. Part of me knows it isn't true. I think I know when it started. There has been much crying and resting. I will come through this closer to who I truly am. I am grateful to @wwf . I am going to rest now. Love K
My dear friend, I felt sadness hearing this and gratitude knowing that you are challenging that false belief. It is a tough one as I too went through that journey. It does not matter how many times I tell people that they are sacred, spiritual, beautiful beings, what we see and believe is what matters. I am over joyed that you are changing that paradigm and honoured that I was the catalyst to help you with that transition. Keep doing the work my spiritual sister. You are doing great. One day I would love to meet you face-to-face so that we can break bread together. I love you.
@wwf I couldn't say this to just anyone. I did not want to cause others sadness or for anyone to pity me. I knew you would process the sadness in a healthy way and you would never pity me. I have idea's how I could get to canada . Not this summer but next. Love K
I look forward to your visit in 2019! <3 You have a place to stay here, no need for hotels or anything like that.
Me too! Love me some wwf!
This made me smile. Thank you. Following you now. A lot of good reading on your blog.
Thanks! Im too busy working to free myself from my abusers to spend much time writing atm but maybe one day I will be more able to share.
I can relate to that. Top priority getting free. Wouldn't it be great if we lived close to each other and could do it together. Each using our unique skill sets in support of each other?
YES!!!
the kind word like the star in the sky is distinct and cannot be obscured.It's not an arrow. But it can touch the heart.
And look how rare kindness is nowadays! It is so precious.
Did you do this to provide a lesson?
Part of what I was taught was to count to 10 before speaking or reacting. This give the emotion some time to dissipate a bit. Lashing out is a deadly thing, even if the violence is only vocal.
Behind all anger is fear. Fear can take on many forms. Those who are the angriest tend to have the most fear. Another wise thing I was taught is that anger is simply a macho way to cover our fear. When lashing out, ranting and raving, we feel in control (which is ironic since, emotionally, we are out of control) which doesnt come from fear. Fear conveys helplessness; anger gives us the illusion of power. False as it is, we buy into it.
I agree with what you wrote here. We all need to take a look at the messages we are conveying, either verbally or, on here, written. Actions such as we are witnessing (that you referred to subtly) carries an energy...you can feel the energy even online. It is full blown fear. Imagine if these people had guns and were standing across from each other on a field. Well, we have thousands of years of history telling us what the result would be.
Another marvelous, thought=provoking post.
lol. I could lie and say I did that on purpose, but it was a typo ... although I've learned that there is no such thing as coincidence. So perhaps it served its purpose unintentionally. lol. Nice catch. Thank you. I've fixed it.
I agree with you. I learned that behind anger is fear and most people don't want to confront the fear. So they mask it with anger. Working on the fear, pain, sadness and other feelings tends to diminish the emotional reactions to them as well. So if we have the conscious awareness to work on the feelings, emotions will dissipate or even disappear. Thank you for making that very important point.
Yes, I've been subtly and directly speaking to the violence I've been witnessing. Because I cannot change others it makes no sense to attack. But the peaceful approach is to lead by example and confront the behaviours. Most of the combatants will most likely dismiss what I am saying because it tears down their justifications for lashing out and attacking. Their path, their journey. However, I will not remain silent about it.
Thank you once again for a meaningful response! Well worth it in my opinion! <3 Peace to you.
Life is the combination of Action & Reaction, Yes this law was put forward by Isaac Newton but it has great importance in every situation of the life. But it is the duty of human Mentality that how to make a Balance among Feelings Vs Logic.
Anger is prohibited in Islam and in many other Religions of the World. Because it destroys the thinking ability of a person and also it brings harm to humanity.
It is True My Friend that Pen is really Powerful than Sword but lets ask ourselves are we using the Power of Pen in right way? Do our Columnists reveal the hidden truths, Do our writers and Authors promote Honesty and Fact ? answer seems NO in various cases.
That Song is so cool with deep meaning My Best Friend & i am going to share it with My Students :)
Great Tip indeed
Let me add one thing to it as well;
If you are angry then Sit down, If you are sitting then Lay down it will lower the Blood Pressure and you will feel good.
But the best way to Live the Life is Don't become furious on small things, be Composed and Relaxed in every situation
You are One Man Army with amazing quality of Motivation <3
Thank You so much for teaching the steemians in a very best way the secret of Peaceful Life, My Spirtual Brother and Best Friend @wwf <3
When I am angry and frustrated, I dance!
"While I can appreciate the attempt to minimize the taunting or hurtful nature of name calling, words do hurt and the scars are hidden from view for everyone except the individual injured. Over time, I started to believe those words so I picked up where the bullies left off and did my own self abuse thought processes. It took years for me to unwind the false ideas that were taught to me when I was young."
Hurt people, hurt people.
In my experience or thoughts. I agree.
The self talk that comes from these experiences often grow like a snow ball rolling and crashing down a steep hill, picking up momentum and size.
Remember Jack Handy ... "You're good enough. You're smart enough. And gosh darn, people like me for who you are."
Such a great blog. Very well written. Thank you for sharing. So timely.
Thank you @earthmother. I always find joy in my heart when I see your comments on my posts! I agree with what you said. So if hurt people, hurt people, then that helps put the violence into perspective and if they are willing to heal, then that could then break the cycle too. <3
I believe one of the reasons i am here in the physical, is to break cycles :) i think we share that common goal.
Please keep writing the fabulous things you do!! I read them all!! :) so much resonates!
I will do my best to keep writing for as long as Creator provides the means, will and ability for me to do so. :) <3 Thank you. I am grateful that what I share resonates so well with people.
I'm standing up on my feet applauding you. Bravo. Yes, I agree most times we are our own worst enemy and when we cannot cope we tend to lash out if we do not take the time to think. At times talking is one way to work through things. As long as everyone is open and honest. I like you have had many issues from 5 years old. By the time I was a teenager I let myself actually feel and gave myself the right to feel. This helped me to heal a lot of wrongs done and speaking to my significant other about things. Helped to heal some old wounds. Our world would be such a wonderful place if more people cared and just offered a smile or a hug and a willing ear. Thank you for writing this post. <3<3
Thank you for sharing that. I am grateful to hear that you were able to go through that process while you were still very young. I did not surrender to do this work until I was 33. I suffered for over 20 years. However, I am grateful for the experience as it prepared me for the work that I am doing now. But there are times where I reflect back on life and wonder what it would have been if I figured out life much earlier on. <3 Bravo to you @seareader1. Thank you for sharing and having the courage to speak about your own journey!
My mother told me never to open my mouth when I am angry. It is better to say nothing until you have thought it through. It is very easy to say things in the heat of anger that creates a wound that never quite heals. There is always a scar that we wear as a reminder. How we handle those hurts is where the difference lies.
Yup. It is like the story of the broken dish. We can put it back together again, but it will never be the same. It will have the cracks (scars) from the break. So we best be careful and treat one another properly! <3 Words cut deep and it took me years to realize how much I've hurt other people. Thank you my friend. Well said.
This is so important, we really need to be promoting healthy ways to express ourselves, we all get angry that is normal.
Anger is such a powerful emotion, and anger can be a great catalyst for change when channelled in the right way.
Anger itself is not a bad thing, it is only our reaction to it that can be. How we view anger is something that needs to change, especially how we talk about it with our children.
For me when I get angry I need to deal with it there and then, do something that helps to move it along i.e singing, dancing( I'm with you @sequentialvibe on that one). It really should be allowed to flow as if it doesn't and builds up inside of us it becomes very destructive.
To be honest it is best to let all emotions flow. Thank you @wwf for sharing your wisdom with us.
Agreed. Well said!
I like that spell thing, indeed words are spells.
In ancient Ireland the bards and poets were in the same class as druids. These were important people because they could change things with their words. There were battles won and kings overthrown by the word of the bard. Indeed they knew that words are powerful.
In ancient times, poets and bards would literally go to school for decades to learn how to speak prose properly.
I agree, we should find peaceful ways to express our anger. I think anger can be helpful when we dont lash out with it! Nothing wrong with letting people know that you are angry, of course we should let each other know to avoid misunderstandings. But dealing with it peacefully and having level headed conversations is also important, and is a skill we gotta re-learn!
Absolutely! Very well said. Anger is not positive or negative, but rather neutral. It is what it is. Our reaction to it can turn it into a positive or negative experience. Lovely post and response. Thank you!