A Letter to Myself: Slow Down the Love Train

in ulog •  3 months ago

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Dear Shawna,

Don't fuck this up. Play it cool. Yeah, she's cute. Really cute. And you dig her voice/look/vibe, but don't fold. Hang back. Let her notice you for a change. You are forever pursuing and then never sure if the response you get is genuine interest or because you are convenient. Shawna, don't be convenient. You're already doing great. You waited for her to contact you. Do it again. And again. Be sure.

You'll find love. This may not be it. Again, she's really cute. Smart. Her voice makes you shiver and you want to dance with her and bite her lip and inhale that intoxicating scent, but whoa. Hey, hang on. Be strong. You know you fall faster than leaves in Indiana. It happens every time. You are a person who loves quick, hard and forever if a person lets you. You will work through anything, but you don't have to. Girl, you can take care of you. What do you want?

Talk to her. Get to know her. Kiss her again if you can, but don't marry her in your mind and don't be so accessible it looks like you're living your life around her. You aren't. You are living life for you. Doesn't matter how cute she is. How much you want to rest your eyes on her. How big your heart feels when you think of her because, girl, she just arrived in your orbit. She's not the whole sky or even the moon. Sure, she's a star, and the only one you see right now, but not the only star. I guarantee, even playing it cool, she's going to see you're into her. You can't hide anything. She'll feel important.

Shawna, don't try so fucking hard. Lower the bar. Stop raising the bar.

Look, the truth is you are a person who can love anyone. For real. Wait for that person who can love you. Because you aren't needy or desperate and the thing you want least is dependence, but it looks like that when you let your enthusiasm drive. Hit the brake. Cruise a bit. Take it slow. Enjoy the hunt. You've got this.

With love,

Yourself

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I remember the first day I saw that whirlwind of a woman. OMG! What have we here? Look at her, my god she's frikin awesome. Jesus, have mercy. OK, whooooa boy, play it cool. Duck that, I'm going to talk to her, now. Hi, my name's Steven, who are you? Gayle? That's nice, so what class are you taking, nursing? Yeah, me too, first day jitters you know.
And so the story begins. I had never fallen so deeply for a girl before but what can I say, she was amazing. I smile everytime I think of her even now today. 36-25-36 standing 5ft 11in, I was in love. I swear she could have been Julia Roberts taller twin sister with that smile and that cackling laugh.
She called me one night and I remember the exact words, "you know, sometimes a woman just needs to feel the comforts of a man, do you know what I'm saying? " then she just hung up. I was out the door in a flash, got pulled over on my bike doing 115mph up highway 77. I showed the trooper her picture and told him what she said, he chuckled and told me to "get the hell outta here" with no ticket. True story!
I had so many crazy conversations with myself over that girl. None of them I listened to because I would have done anything to be with her. She owned me. That was our undoing. So yes, keep up the good self talk, I hope it serves you well, but be careful of the whirlwind.
(sigh) god I miss her... I hope she is doing well.

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Whew! That got my heart going. I hope she’s doing well, too. So far I have waited patiently and it’s borne fruit. She contacted me 3/4 times and confirmed our meetup tonight AND said she wants me to be there, plus invited me out Saturday. Really looking forward to knowing her more. It feels really, really, really good to know I’m wanted. Added bonus, she’s body confident around me. Sadly, many women (and men) aren’t and that is usually how my relationships come to end. I hope this doesn’t come across as conceited- yes, I have worked on my fitness and yes, I know how to dress my body, but everything else is genetics and it’s deeply frustrating when people can’t take my attraction to them seriously because they can’t look past what they think we look like together.

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Love is freedom, you have to enjoy it. regards