The Deep Grief of Loss of the Tribe

in ulog •  2 months ago

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I've been feeling utterly alienated and felt a huge a mount of loneliness the last few years, and in parts the whole of my life. The experience of having a child has only enforced this deep longing in me.

I have cast the "blame" partly on my travelling a lot and not having had stable connections with people for years, but I feel now it is something deeper than that. My reasons for going travelling was a search for those missing pieces.

I have come to realise how deeply alienated i feel from the way we live in western society. In the years of travelling I have been very attracted to rural villages, nomads and societies where people live and work together. Where everyone looks after each others children who in turn has a big group of children to play with, feeling strong and independent in the sure knowledge that mother and family are always there to guide and comfort whenever needed.

This innate sense of belonging and of having a purpose and place in society, is something I have only felt in glimpses, but mostly felt as an overruling lack of purpose and belonging in my life.
The glimpses I have felt of it has been at home with my mother and brother, when we were all together.
The time I lived in a community house with 2 of my cousins I have known always plus some good friends, and I felt we all had an interest and joy in being together and manage the house.
The times I have travelled in a group, feeling like nomads, caring and tending for each other, eating and sleeping together in foreign lands.

Those have been beautiful glimpses, but all of them have left me again alone, detached from a deeper all persistent sense of belonging.
The travelling friends I don't see or hear from anymore. My friends from before all have their busy lives, earning money and making a living.
We all sit by ourselves with our children, individually, while most leave them to "socialise" in institutions without the parents being around.

We might have occasions where we meet and share the joy of being alive, but the status quo is always back to our own individual lives, tending to our own individual hardships, by ourselves at large. Our work is separated from that of family life and friends and when we socialise we substitute the work we once did together with just sitting, drinking coffee or eating food, and are often left with the cooking and cleaning by ourselves or leave it to the café where we meet out of our private lives.

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I chose to be with my child (who's now 3) all the time, with no institutions, but I have felt myself left with no other purpose than of being with him, mostly alone, feeling extremely secluded from society and life as a whole.
We chose to change our lives to live in a camper and travel around, which helped a lot, as us being together as a family and occasionally meeting other families to socialise with, but it didn't help me fill that hole of belonging and of purpose in a bigger picture.
Of having a meaningful job to do, as tending for life in it's whole, working together with well known people of the tribe on a communal project.

What an utterly wrong way society is put up, so alienated from our ingrained nature. So utterly lonely and deprived we all are in our separate boxes..

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I have had waves of feeling like this living abroad for the past 6 years. If I could just squeeze you now <3

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aww, thank you! Getting it out actually helped a lot, I feel much more like I belong now, ironically :9

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its always better to let it all out. From my own experience, this comes in waves and different things can trigger to them. I am always here if your wanting to connect. Sometimes life away from it all can be tough... I totally get it!

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I feel a lot better thank you! Trying to get a post together about it, but it's difficult to find the words. But I actually feel great at the moment :)
Thank you so much for the support <3 <3

Big hugs
I have felt this loneliness, this living in a big city
But over time, I found a handful of friends that I can talk to, be silly with, be myself, depend on them for help even when I don't ask for it, ... it took a long time.... actually they found me
I also think when there are toddlers in your life, it is one of the most challenging times trying to do right by them....
Sending you a ton of love and light ❤️

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thank you! Yes When I return to my birth country I also find those friends that are still there, mostly my family and that's why I would like to go back and live there, because I really need the support of people I know well at the moment.. Happy to hear that you found yours, or the other way :)

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I hope everything falls into place soonest @frejafri 😊

big hugs I’ve never felt any belonging anywhere too and always constantly searching and trying to hold on to the ones that matter. I guess steemit is also one of our communities now. Hope we can all support each other no matter how far away we are!

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thanks for the support @vincy <3

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I hear you, in all that we do, we seem to move away from that which we yearn the most. It is out there though, it is just a shame that progress as seen today, is actually so damaging to us. This push by society t be successful, alienates us and brings apart the tribe, But times are changing and you will find your tribe, you have put your intention out there now, it will come xxx much love and light to you @frejafri

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thank you! Yes I have put my intention out for a while now, so I trust that it will all arrive at some point. i just have to start building up the life around me I think, start somewhere! much love xx

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We can't sit & wait if we belong somewhere or to someone. It all starts with us reaching out & making that first move. That's the sign that we're ready for the NEW.

As the saying goes, God helps those who help themselves.

Maybe it's may nature of being more bold & daring. I find the places that fit me & not that I fit into it... We're all special in our own way.

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thank you, you are so right, I've been pretty much all over the world now, so you can't say I haven't been out there! Now i just have to settle somewhere and hope that I will fit somehow

good writing about this hard part of being a nomad. I did really feel your part about losing friends you made while traveling on the road and they seem to travel alone on a different path. But who know when you guys will meet again unforeseen?

I hope you can find your place in this world! 😘

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Mama, I feel you. I miss community too. I'm trying to find it in alternative ways. Like connecting with steemitmamas, but it will never be the same as being surrounded by fairly like-minded people.

I feel your loneliness too! I dream of one day being a part of a tribe, to have that knowledge that I belong somewhere. I am not a nomad, I live te typical western life in the UK. I have neighbours and family all around me...yet I feel alone :( Sometimes, I think that there are no other people that I can connect with where I live. There are more people here on Steemit that I can connect with than there are in my daily life, and that is sad. Big hugs to you xx

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thank you so much, yes it's a strange and sad tendency. Happy to hear I'm not the only one though :)