Ulog .... I lost track | Changes

Good people of Steemit, I have have to change my ways. I mean that. I-HAVE GOT TO CHANGE MY WAYS!

As you may or may not know, I want to be a writer. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry ect.... and if I had to guess at the percentage of effort I have put forth thus far in my life to achieve this goal I would guess a low 12% a fail beyond words and a mockery of my intentions.

I can not continue this less then half assed effort. I can not continue to work day in and day out as a job that numbs me, my mind and my creativity. A job where I feel nothing beyond to trite ongoing numbness of working for everyone else's lives and goals taking no personal fulfillment of my own. I do nothing but work for others preforming a job that's purely mechanical. All for the sole reason of making enough money to pay the bills.

I realize paying the bills and keeping my family safe and secure and provided for is an important task but to do this in a manner that is killing me is not healthy. Hell, if I could earn enough to at the very least work part time at a great job and write half the time- that itself would be a great way to still provide while staying true to my goals.

But we can put that to the side for now and get back to how shitty I have approached my goal of earning a living from my words. I have allowed distractions to lure me in with simple gestures and no more effort on their part save for a wave. But no more- I simple can not trudge through one more single day with out resolving to devote pursue my goal like it means something more to me then ....meh

I Know my goals can be accomplish, even starting out at a young thirty-nine years of age. To many others have shown the way before me. There countless opportunities for me to explore, resources available for the taking, websites devoted to the sole purpose of becoming a better writer. Hell, social media makes it possible to write and to talk to our favorite authors and to read damn near any piece of writing that exists in the world. I have all of this right at my fingertips and yet, and yet I choice to watch a twenty five minute video of a guy making fun of a movie or some other pointless dribble????

I do not have a lot of free time in my life, being a full time worker, a father and a husband takes the majority of my time up. That is not an excuse but an observation of how urgent it is for me to devote that precious free time to my goals. If I am ever to stand even the smallest chance of achieving my goals I need to work my ass off.

I will focus like never before on this....Because I have to, I HAVE TO. there simply no other option anymore. There more to say- so much more- and I will talk about it as soon as I figure thing out. Maybe I will start a new blog on here. All I know for certain is that I am now on a path of pure focus and drive.

I want to see my goals as inspiration, as something to achieve to not to feel intimidated by.

One of the first things I want to do right now, in addition to stories, is to write out my goal. Get all of that out of my head and onto the paper and to make to invisible...visible. Also I am going to write down all of the distractions that keep me from writing so I will become that much more aware of those pesky distractions.

I must stop living my life passively. Reacting to life as it steam rolls over me. and I may never achieve this goal of mine but if I am going to fail in life I want to to die on my sword rather then ten thousand slices of regret and hate. So be it.

to be continued...