This question was put forward by @goldendawne, and it asks for us, to reflect upon what has happened in our lives and made us into the person/people we are today. I invite everyone to answer this question along with the Tribe members.

There are so many things that have happened within my life that have shaped me into the person I am today. I honestly believe that everything that has happened to me was meant to be, so that I sit here right now and share these words with you all. I do not wish to make out that my life has been anything exceptional, indeed some of my story may echo with yours.

But my life has been very full, full of happiness, pain, excitement, sorrow and disappointment, and at times it seems perhaps in equal measures.

Indeed there was once a time, where I automatically expected that if things had been going anyway good for me, then it was only a matter of time (usually once those thoughts were formed) that things would just start to turn bad. I carried this guilt with me, a guilt that really made me believe that I did not deserve happiness, that it always came with a price and damn I just did not deserve it. I felt guilty if I was happy for too long. But then, how do you expect a girl to think ,when she has been brought up in an aggressive household. Of course I felt worthless and undeserving, mix that in with being raised catholic and there my friends is a huge ship full of guilt. Of course part of me wished I did not have to go through all of that, but I would not be me if I did not.

I would not have run away and lost myself in the long grass, discovered an inner stillness when I was out in nature. A stillness I carry with me to this day. All the pain that I have experienced, all those moments where I wanted to be anyone but me, they were the moments that really carved my way in the world. I know what it is to hurt, to feel unloved and unwanted. I experienced that from a very young age. I remember being told that I was unwanted. I know that for a long time my parents regretted having children and I know that their aggressiveness was an outlet for their pain.

When my parents pushed me away. Pushed me away through their actions, they propelled me into the waiting arms of nature. When you are a child, you crave attention, you crave love, we know that in order for us to thrive we need to be loved. Because when we are loved, we are protected. But what happens when it is those in your home that you need to be protected from, where do you go then?

I went outside, I would roam the countryside, climb trees, lie in the grass. I was happy there, I felt safe and protected. Yet I always returned home, always hoping things would get better, things would improve. And as I got older they did. But the bond I had with nature, this solid understanding that I had, that I knew. I was a part of nature and it was a part of me. Because I lived it, I experienced it, that was my reality. I felt alive out there, I felt Free. Those moments are really what have shaped me into who I am today.

And so many others since then, but that was my foundation and it is what I have carried with me. I have such a huge respect for mother nature, I so innately know she is my mother and I see it as my duty to honour and celebrate her. I feel the pain of other living things, from the trees, to the birds, to the caged animals, I feel it all, just as they have felt my pain. And they carried me as I carry them. I know this, I feel this, I live this. There is no turning the other way, no ignoring, no switching off. I feel it as I breathe and it pains me, but it also unities me with them all, with you all.

When I thought about this question first, becoming a mother was one of the first things that came to mind and without a doubt it has been one of the most defining moments of my life. When I became pregnant I never felt more feminine, more comfortable within my own skin. I really saw myself in a whole new light. Becoming a mother really added so much to my life and it continues to do so daily. I have grown so much, I have learnt so much and I really now understand what unconditional love is. But I am also the parent I am because of where I came from and where my faith lies. And that has always been and always will be with the earth.

So yes it was my time in the darkness that moulded me. It really opened me up to all sorts of feelings and thoughts, it pushed me and tested my limits. But it is because of that darkness, that I really know what it is like to step into the light. To fully embrace it and allow it to shine through me.

8 Pillars of TribeSteemUp