Laos, and why I'll never go back.

Before reading this post, please read my post on why you should go to Laos. This post is very subjective and based on my personal experiences in Laos.

Laos is an interesting and unique country, and if everything goes right in my life, I'll never go back.

On my first visit to Laos, I really enjoyed the change of pace from Thailand. The two cultures seemed like complimentary opposites. During that first visit, I only knew of two extremes. The Thai way of demanding your attention and trying to talk you into doing business, versus the Lao way of not even looking up from the phone as new customers seat themselves in their restaurant.

On my second visit to Laos, I couldn't wait to leave. By that time I had visited Cambodia and Vietnam and gotten a small taste of those cultures as well. Now I knew that there were happy middle grounds between Thai aggressiveness and Laotian indifference. In Cambodia, people would try to attract attention to their businesses but never took it too far with me. Resturant employees seemed happy to have customers. In Vietnam, people just seemed curious and happy that I was experiencing Vietnam. Restaurant employees seemed to treat me the same way they treated the locals. Cranky people were cranky, and happy people were happy.

Here are some of my specific reasons for not wanting to return to Laos.

Scooter riding sucks (outside of the Thakek Loop)

Road quality is pretty poor in Laos. Vietnam also has its own sections of rough roads, but the roads in Laos were in worse shape.

Even if the roads in Laos were perfect, the scenery is lackluster in most of the country. Maybe I was spoiled by the landscapes in Vietnam, but outside the Thakek Loop and the Bolaven Plateau Loop, much of the land was boring to ride though. Much of the land in Laos is developed, covered in trash, burning, or covered in burning trash.

Trash is a big problem in most South East Asian countries. I can't say if Laos has more or less litter than its neighbors. I can say that I saw more casual littering in Laos than anywhere else. At one waterfall, a lady unwrapped an ice cream for her kid then threw the wrapper on the ground. Right in front of a trash can. She came all that way to see something beautiful in nature, then did her part to make it shitty.

On the slow boat to Laos, a tourist bought a cup of noodle soup from a vendor in the back of the boat. When the tourist finished her soup, she brought the trash back to the vendor. There wasn't a trash can so she gave the trash to the vendor, thinking there was a trash can in the back. The vendor took the trash, waited for the tourist to walk off, then threw the trash out the window into the river.

Other countries may be worse when it comes to trash and litter, but it only really bothered me in Laos. Maybe I was used to it by the time I went to Cambodia and Vietnam. Both of those countries have tons of litter as well.

Everything was on fire

When I returned to Laos, the sky turned orange and ashes fell from the sky as I crossed the border from Vietnam. In most of the countries neighboring Laos, burning season happens every year. It sucks for asthmatics like me, but that's just how things are done.

In Laos, the burning was something different. It didn't look like they weren't burning their fields to clear them. It looked like they were burning down the forests to use the land for something else. I wonder how much of the forests have been burned down since my last visit.

Loatian culture isn't very friendly to strangers

These folks are some friends that I made in Laos. They're Thai. I met other friendly people in Laos, but most of them were Vietnamese.

During both of my visits to Laos, I didn't meet many friendly Laotians. On the tourist path, there are definitely friendly locals, but they are generally people who have spent years dealing with tourists. My impression is that the culture in Laos is wary of outsiders and the people in tourist areas have gotten past it.

In Vietnam, you can't ride for more than an hour or two without someone yelling "Hello!" to you, or a parent waving their baby's hand at you. The culture in Vietnam seemed very curious and friendly to me. In Laos, I felt happy when I got one wave from a school kid for the whole day. I'm not sure if I ever got an adult to wave or smile when I was away from the tourist areas.

To clarify, I don't think that the Laotians hated me or were angry at me. It just seemed like their default response to me was to pretend I wasn't there.

For example. In Vietnam, I wanted to buy some bungee cords. I got a picture of one on my phone and started showing it to strangers. Soon I had a small group of people looking and talking and pointing, discussing who might sell bungee cords. One person thought he knew, so he walked with me for 5 minutes to a vendor and explained what I wanted to him. None of those people spoke English or had any financial motive to help me. They just wanted to help a confused stranger.

In Laos, I needed my jerry-rigged luggage rack re-welded. I had a picture of someone welding on my phone. At the first place I tried to ask, the ladies stopped me before I got close enough to show them the phone. With a fly-shooing gesture, they told me to fuck off before I could even say "Sa Bai Dee". I eventually found a welding place, but it was like pulling teeth just to get directions.

In Vietnam, my motorbike broke down in the middle of nowhere. Within 5 minutes a guy showed up out of the jungle and tried to help. He didn't have tools and couldn't help, but the moral support and knowing that I wasn't abandoned made the experience a positive one.

In Laos, I got a flat tire. The weather was extra hot and smokey. I ended up pushing the bike for hours with no one even looking at me. I walked up to a small shop to ask for directions and the lady behind the counter quickly looked away and pretended to count the 8 items that she was selling. Like pointing one way or the other was too much effort to waste on a foreigner.

The day was exceedingly hot and I decided to take a break from pushing my bike. Since most of the trees in Laos have been burned down, I went to some shade in front of a building that was locked up. Within 10 minutes, a pick-up truck pulled up and a guy told me to get away from his closed restaurant. Like my presence was hurting his unopened business.

Another time I got a flat in Laos. I took it to a tire place and a younger guy fixed my tire. When he was finished, his boss told me how much it would cost (around $8). When the younger guy heard the price, he literally laughed out loud. He laughed at how much I was getting fucked over, to my face, while making eye contact. The price wasn't the issue, I would have paid $20 to fix the tire. It was them treating me like an oblivious idiot that bothered me.

On one occasion, I was sitting in the restaurant of the guesthouse that I was staying in. I wanted to eat and tried to make eye contact with a staff member. None of the staff would look my way. A few minutes later a Laotian family showed up. The staff quickly gave them menus and water while pointedly not looking in my direction. To get a menu, I had to go into the kitchen area and ask for a menu, then go back and give them my order, then go back and pay them when I was done. All while the local family got normal restaurant service.

Again, I don't think this was because they hated me or something. It's more like they're embarrassed about not speaking English, so they ignore foreigners instead of having awkward conversations. I can empathize because I'm extremely bashful when using other languages. But why would I put up with that when friendly and welcoming cultures are just a bus ride away?

The only thing you can rely on is indifference

One of my first rooms in Laos.

Few things in Laos can be relied on.

In Pakse, I rented a scooter to ride the Bolaven Plateau Loop. The rental place let me keep my main backpack in a locked room so that I wouldn't have to lug it around the whole time. My cash was running low, so I wanted to use an ATM before leaving town. The power went out right as I was approaching a bank machine. It turns out the power was out for most of the country. Luckily I always carried emergency dollars on me and I was able to exchange dollars for kip at a bank with a backup generator. The power was out for 5-6 hours everywhere.

After I finished riding the Bolaven Plateau Loop, I went to get my backpack and return the scooter. The person who had the only key to the luggage room was out of town for the weekend. That's right, I was stuck in Pakse for an extra 2 days because the place was too cheap to call a locksmith. Why inconvenience themselves when they were only inconveniencing a stupid tourist?

I finally got my backpack and bought a bus ticket to the next destination. "OK, we'll pick you up at your hostel at 8:00 tomorrow." I waited from 7:45 to 8:30 before I walked down to the guy I bought tickets from. "Oh, the bus is already gone. Don't worry, you can get on tomorrow's bus." So I got to spend an additional night in a city with very little to offer. I wasn't pressed for time so it wasn't too much of a problem, but it added another straw to the camel's back.

If you go to Laos, you can not rely on timetables, electricity, room reservations, or the kindness of strangers. Do not make any tight schedules in Laos or you will give yourself an ulcer. Actually, don't make tight schedules at all in South Eash Asia. Many of my little frustrations could have happened in any country down there. For me, they all happened in Laos.

Neighboring countries are just better

Laos simply isn't as enjoyable as its neighbors.

If you want to ride scooters, Vietnam is better. If you want to see temples, Cambodia is better. If you want to play on/in the water, Thailand is better. If you want to make friends with locals, Vietnam and Cambodia are better. If you like beer, Laos only has one brand of beer. If you want nature, Laos is burning down most of what it has. If you want to hook up with a local woman, it's against the law for foreign men to spend the night with local women (not sure about local men and foreign women).

Other countries are prettier, nicer, and cheaper than Laos. The overall vibe that I got from Laos was "If we ignore him long enough, maybe he'll go away." It worked. I've gone away and hope to never return.

So there you have it. My reasons for not wanting to return to Laos. Please do yourself a favor and keep in mind that like most people, I'm full of shit. My individual, unique experiences shaped my view of Laos. I can guarantee that your experiences will be different. Had I shown up one day earlier or later, my experience would have been completely different. My impressions would have been different as well.

Before I started my trip, I read this post by Nomadic Matt entitled "Why I'll never return to Vietnam". I almost made a huge mistake by allowing that post to influence my decision to visit Vietnam. I had planned on skipping Vietnam because of that post, but luckily I changed my mind. Vietnam ended up being my favorite stop on my two-year trip.

Over all, I had more positive experiences in Laos than negative ones. I don't regret going to Laos and I don't recall ever feeling threatened or hated. It's just that I had much better experiences in neighboring countries. When I left Thailand, I wanted to return. When I left Cambodia, I made plans to return. When I left Vietnam, I promised myself that I would return. When I left Laos, I was just glad to leave.

But you should let yourself be the judge of where it ranks in your list of favorite countries. Laos is the number one favorite of many travelers that I've interacted with.