I'm Older Than I Remember

in #travel7 years ago (edited)

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Do you ever forget how old you are sometimes? I don't think it is possible but yes, I forgot my age! Recently, someone asked me how old I am, and I confidently answered I’m 32, then I paused, oh wait no, I’m 33, sorry. It might have sounded weird to the other person that someone just forgot her age. Later I realized that what I told him was incorrect after doing the simple math 2017-1983, so it turned out that I am already 34. I slowly sink back to reality. It felt like I just woke up, and realized that I was just reading a thick book the whole time. I asked myself, is this nothing but a dream?

It all began when I started traveling 4 years ago, living from one country to another and embracing a nomadic lifestyle. Time just flies. But I certainly wouldn’t forget the number 30, it was probably the momentous time of my life. I was no longer in my 20s, even though people say I look younger than my age. As I traveled, this whole you’re 34! no longer flattered me, people’s reaction became annoying as hell. Not to mention that I got into a lot of trouble for not looking like my age, but who defined this whole how you should look at 20, 30, or 40 anyway? The awkward moment when I was thinking of the right reaction to this common question how come? Then I finally got this answer from a German friend I met who also looked younger and goes through the same ordeal -

I time travel.

When I was traveling, I wasted some of my precious time by getting into arguments and debates with people whom I realized were totally unworthy of my attention, not even a single glance from me. When I couldn’t keep my mouth shut about certain issues, I kind of shocked the supposedly wiser ones and tricked them through my physical appearance and charmy antics that seem like I could only talk about boys, parties, and other 16-year-old matters. Some people look really nice at the beginning, but I learned the hard way that when they get into a heated debate and could not keep up with critical thinking anymore, they would resort to insults, stereotype, and sexism just to end the conversation and keep me under their level. One way to find out people’s true colors I guess. I realized that sometimes, I could get away more with just sarcasm or silent nod. Smile and agree just to save my sanity, especially if I am not talking to the right people.

I surely was late, being in the midst of bored youngsters traveling around the world. Those who couldn’t go out of the hostel without being part of a group. It is true that as you age, you desire to be more alone. I have become more picky with people I want to hang out with. I’d rather sit alone and read a book than go through all the pleasantries and small talks unless people are really interesting. As I get older, I value my few, quality friends more, and I was not into all these meet more and be friends to all. However, I’m still happy to meet new people, but being friends for life would be different.

After realizing my real age, it started to bother me. It means next year I will be 35, then 36… then 40! I couldn’t believe it and here I am still not acting my age. My mind fluctuates from 18 straight to 50 something. My friends told me that the clock is ticking, and I just told them, then let it tick. I still haven’t welcomed adulthood I guess, and I couldn’t even manage my own cat so forget about kids. Someday, I would probably just become a traveling philosopher and a crazy cat lady.

Then I started to accept, age is just a number. It’s not how old I am but how old I feel. The most important thing for me is being able to go through this journey called life, and being thankful that I’ve reached another year on earth, alive and breathing.

It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream. - Edgar Allan Poe

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I thought that woman were usually flattered when they were told te be younger :P You're only as old as your mind tells you to be. Never been much of a small talker myself and I am great at avoiding things lol, you might learn a thing or two of me when it comes to evading talks not worthy of your time. I guess the best tip I can give "is to shut your mouth and ignore" when someone can't keep up with you ;)

I must admit that it was once flattering until I got into trouble by debating with some older men and other people who think they are above the rest of the world. And yes, the next time I go traveling again, hanging out in some old pub somewhere, I would not talk anymore about certain topics, especially politics and social issues lol. And not risk being told to go back to the kitchen, be stabbed by a pen etc. Keeping my mouth shut will also save my life! I guess with old age, I have mastered to have a good judgment of people.

I'll just write here what I can't say. I prefer not to deal with trolls in real life, however inevitable.

ack! I was once stabbed with a pencil. I still have the black dot to remind me of her name: Colette McPherson.

Now I wonder why were you stabbed with a pencil? :P haha

Ah! the memories...

Well, Monette was a mite gabby, and sat next to me in class. My father was the teacher (7th grade), and quite authortarian. In order to keep a close eye on me, my desk was actually pushed up against his.

No escape! LOL

Monette attempted to engage me in conversation, repeatedly one day, and after being remonstrated by my father, I resisted further engagement, as his threats had become dire, and he didn't make idle threats.

Monette wasn't pleased (neither was she subject to remonstration), so she ambled over to the pencil sharpener, and spent a good couple minutes creating the sharpest pencil that had ever been seen.

Then she returned to her desk, and, instead of sitting down, stabbed it into my thigh with all her might, burying it deep in my leg, giggling like a schoolgirl (note: she was a schoolgirl, so... duh!).

Naturally, taken by surprise, I clutched my leg and exclaimed, "Aaaaahhh!!", to which my father responded, "That's it Mr! Out in the hallway now!"

I said, "But Dad...", whereupon he said that I was to call him by his name, just like all the other students (he very much intended to prevent being accused of favoritism, even to the extent of dropping my grades one letter, from and 'A' to a 'B'), and ushered me into the hallway.

There, incensed, he grabbed me by the throat and hoisted me up off the floor, drawing his fist back to strike me, my back pressed to the wall.

Having had enough, I exclaimed, "Go ahead! Hit me! I'll sue the School for ...$50,000!" Which made him stop.

...because he was laughing too hard. He said "Good. I'll get all the money. I'm your dad."

Good times.

Sorry I had to laugh, as it can be quite funny, however painful that being stabbed in your leg by a sharpened pencil might be. You should think posting this memory, so vivid. It just tells what a great writer you are.

Schoolgirls can be so evil, but only in that violent way lol. I'm not saying I was not one of those evil schoolgirls as I have my own stories. 😈

And for that, you deserve my full 11 cents. Thanks for sharing the good times.

"Schoolgirls can be so evil, but only in that violent way lol. I'm not saying I was not one of those evil schoolgirls as I have my own stories."

Oh, I bet ;)

I am not gonna mention the time that three of them wanted to tie me... Oh wait! shit...

Nevermind \o/

Edit: I don't recall if you have seen it, but I responded to @hardfork-series call for entries to create a back story for their intended video series.

I rarely write fiction, but I did throw up 4 chapters. You might like... YMMV
The third chapter... well, if you read it you'll see. It was written 8/25.

Actually, I like your writing a lot, and had been considering asking for your input on it anyway. The chief protagonist is probably easier for you to understand than myself.

I am not gonna mention the time that three of them wanted to tie me... Oh wait! shit...

Ok, I'm not gonna think otherwise, forgive my dirty mind.

I will check your posts/entries soon, as being bombarded with these amazing comments alone let me use up my VP, oh well.

Gotta do some some chores now, chau!

PS: Did we even realize that we are replying to @droucil 's comment ? lol.

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yeah once you hit 30 you just stop counting

Yep, I just realized that last night haha.

Edgar was right, looking back at my life now it all seems like a dream and sometimes a nightmare. But it's all good because i understand now it was all a play in my mind and my outer circumstances were just a reflection of what i really felt inside. Don't worry about growing old, when you learn to just row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, your life becomes a dream.

Thank you, I will try not to worry about getting old however inevitable... Sometimes I feel uneasy to go out and talk to people, that I'm gonna have to explain why I am not one of them yet... But just as you say, I'll just treat this stage of my life just another part of the dream.

I thought for sure that you were in your mid-to-late 20s. Keep up the good looks! :)

I'm nearing 31 in about 2 months .. at least I think I'll be 31 .. yes, that's right (I just checked the current month and year on my calendar).

I stopped counting somewhere around 25. That was the last milestone that I remember being an impactful one as I was growing up. Of course, when I was growing up, I thought that I would be married by the age 22, so 25 seemed so old!

In the USA, 25 is the age where you're supposed to see a decrease in your Auto Insurance Premiums and Legally Rent a car - Woooo! I didn't see anything but another annual increase!

Eventually, my friends started turning 30 and apparently that was a big deal too .. I guess the "Dirty Thirty" party was invented at some point after I cared to pay attention to these milestones anymore. The only milestone I recall after 25 when I was growing up was 40 being "Over-the-Hill" and 50 being "The New 40" .. or something like that!

Ahhh, life. As long as you're enjoying every day as best as you can, that's all you can ask for! :)

Thanks for the great comment, especially this:

I thought for sure that you were in your mid-to-late 20s. Keep up the good looks!

I could have given you a $10 worth of upvote straight away, if I have haha. Ok here I am, feeling flattered again lol.

Enjoy the last months of being dirty thirty!

Feeling your age is a tricky thing.
My grandma was over 80 and she did not feel it. Still adored bright lipsticks and had as much life inside as youngsters. She totally forgot her age all the time.
The sad thing is - we do get old but we feel young inside and that contradiction is sometimes getting on the way.
Oh wait! I'm gonna be 40 in few months! (brrrr)

Ok cheers to being 40! And let me know how it feels, :P

I will probably be just like your grandma, wearing cherry lip cheek tint, big sunglasses and having as much life as youngsters.

up to now anything between 30-39 has felt absolutely the same )

Ok, thanks. I believe I will also feel the same. :)

Honestly, I have been forgetting my age for some time now and I am only 23. I still feel like time had just stopped at 21. Then when I realize I am turning 24 in October I feel like I simply just lost a couple of years because of reality. Even I think about, oh boy, I will be 30 in a bit and then I have to act like an adult and be responsible. However now reading your article I guess we can keep postponing our adult age every 10 years :D

I figured the whole nomad lifestyle has been misunderstood and heard more than often as of when people are done with their adventure and finally decide to settle down. Answer is simply, "no". In the many eyes of nomad themselves, being a nomad is a lifestyle, not a 'phase'.

Of course, you can define that as you'd like yourself, no one is telling you what to do or think, decide what your next step is or how you envision the future.

Well said, and for me wow, you're young, and I can only wish that I'm still 23. For me, the years approaching 30 were quite bothersome, to be honest, but then when I started traveling and really living my life, it didn't bother me anymore. Years just passed just like that, while I was having fun. And here I am, still not acting like an adult ha! Even though, I don't think I can, it does not mean I am irresponsible. I am also trying to secure my future, thinking about financially becoming independent while having fun/traveling along the way. Adulthood is just one of those limiting beliefs that pressure us to live up to other people's expectations when really, this is my life to live. And it is their problem, not mine if they don't agree with my chosen lifestyle.

Don't worry, just enjoy and dance to the music along the way. We still have a whole lot of fun ahead of us.

Adulthood is just one of those limiting beliefs that pressure us to live up to other people's expectations when really, this is my life to live.

I think everything is explained in this quote right there. When I become older, I feel like I should act like an adult - like the person you've always seen your parents as. However, when I look at my parents now, they still can be childish and kids too. It's just something that has been in people's brains somehow that we NEED to grow up. What if humans are not made to me adults but just kids in the first place.

Maybe that's also the whole Peter Pan story - never grow up.

True. I think grow up is the worst advice of all.

I'm still convinced that 35 is the perfect age. You're hitting your prime, but also the top of the bell curve. Enjoy.

I looked young until 37, made it further than most, then it happened, the face dropped, just enough. Old.

When I become 35 next year, yikes! 😭 I will try my best to still not take life seriously!

Face dropped? Oh no... I don't want to be 37.... 😦

I am 45, and yet to take life seriously. Don't bother, it's overrated.

I still think about my 20s all the time, then I realize I'm almost 32, but then I end up telling myself, just as you said, that age is just a number in our heads, and the joy of life is always the same if you are willing to be open minded and leave that number behind.

"It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream."

  • Edgar Allan Poe

So much love to Poe, he's darkness in he's thoughts could be the most warming message to us, he is amazing.

Most of the time I still act and think like I'm still in my 20s, I guess that's the answer to the question - how come I still look young.

Thanks for your kind words. By the way, I posted yesterday something about Aguas Dulces, if you have time to read it.

I think is the best for us to let that 20s spirit keep controlling our daily acts lol, and you even still look like you are in your 20s.
That sound awesome, I really want to read it :)

Here in case you missed it - Aguas Dulces

It is not how far but how well. And moreover age is just a number..

I forget my age too

Thank you!

And I also want to celebrate just today, that my steemit age/rep is now 60! Hurray! :)

P.S. so happy! 😊

SteemitRep.jpg

Dont forget to follow me

Congrats on 60!!

Thank you! 😅

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