My Worldy Travels: Extra Cheeky Nandos and the Malay Peninsular

Malaysia. It’s a beautiful country for a multitude of reasons – the main of which being, it has Nandos. Really, really cheap Nandos, at that. My usual: a double chicken wrap, garlic bread, peri-peri chips, spicy rice, all topped off with some perinase came to a total of 26 Malaysian Ringgit, or to you, £4.63. I know right? Clearly I’m not as cultured as I hoped I would be at this point; instead of writing an intelligent post about the difficulties and contrasts of Malaysian life, I’m talking about chicken. Oh well, priorities.

Aside from gorging ourselves on the succulent, tender meat at that magnificent paradise, we have actually been doing some proper travel stuff. Kuala Lumpur has a free bus service that runs all over and around the city. No extortionate bus fees or oyster cards, you just jump on and off as you please. It’s brilliant. Not as brilliant as the super cheap Nandos, of course, but still pretty good. We used the bus to see some of KL’s more famous landmarks like Chinatown and the Petronas Twin Towers, all alongside a myriad of temples and mosques. Rose and I didn’t spend too long in the capital, though. These days, if we’re not within walking distance of a beach for longer than a week, we get itchy. So after six days of sightseeing, sushi, and no salmonella (thank heavens), we headed to Pulau Tioman, a small island just off the Peninsular. Tioman is a relatively small island and it’s one of the most idyllic places we’ve had the pleasure of visiting. The only road you’ll find there, which is only about 250 metres across, is immediately after you get off the ferry. The lack of motorised vehicles, and subsequent airborne carcinogens, was a nice change from the capital. It’s probably the most useless place in the world to have a car, yet people still do. Unsurprisingly, the owners of these redundant machines are the very people that would benefit most from a bit more cardio.

The narrow paths everywhere else on the island can only be used for walking or cycling, they’re not wide enough for anything else (which generally includes our car-owner friends). Walking around was nice, however, we did come up against a few challenges – if you can call it that. One evening Rose and I were heading to get some food, which was typically a nice, casual stroll along a path where the jungle meets the beach. It was really beautiful scenery with no one in sight, but us. As we were crossing a small, wooden bridge a large and aggressive monkey jumps onto the hand rail, swiping at both of us. Rose screamed and I swung my half-empty bottle of water at it, WHICH IT FUCKING DODGES, so we both bolt away as fast as we can. We turn back and it looks like it’s about to start chasing us. Luckily, just as this happens, an island local heroically comes over the bridge on a moped, like a little, magnificent Asian Superman, scaring the little beast away. He starts laughing at us and I laugh back, playing it cool, not showing that I’m secretly disappointed in myself for losing a battle against an 18 inch-tall animal with a red bum. From that day onwards I always carried with me a large, full bottle of water in a plastic carrier bag for its wicked offensive capabilities.

One night we went to the local bar that always has live music. It was only a small place and we ended up having a few drinks with the owners/band after hours. They offered to take us out on their boat the next day for snorkelling; apparently some whale sharks had been spotted and they wanted to try and swim with them. Unfortunately Rose and I didn’t make it on account of the large quantities of alcohol consumed the night beforehand. I didn’t mind, though. Swimming in open water with something much bigger than I am is something I’m ok with not doing. The guys we met also informed us about the island’s ‘Fountain of Youth’ that’s buried deep within the jungle. Apparently once per year the natives bathe in its waters to restore their youth and vibrancy. Rose was keen to go after asking Rudy is age, and finding out the answer. In all seriousness, we both guessed he was maybe 25. The dude was 38. Unluckily for us, we missed out on that, too. It’s an annual event, held somewhat furtively, and we wouldn’t be there when it next happened. It’s alright, though. I’m sure we’ll all get to see Jack Sparrow discover it in Pirates of the Caribbean 9: Keep the Franchise Going.