Teardrops in giving birth and the joy it gave to me

[photo from google]

Teardrops.Teardrops.Teardrops. This can best describe my journey to motherhood.

It took me two years to conceive a baby and those two years for are quite hard days. Whenever I meet a family or friend, they would ask me "Do you have a baby already?", "Why it took you so long to conceive", "You should have a baby now because your growing older and older". I'm pressured for two years!!! It broke my heart.Tears would literally drop in my eyes whenever I pray asking God why can't I have a child now. I have also come to a point where I pity myself for not having a baby. I was about to loss hope when God answered my prayer for two years. I conceived a baby!!! Teardrops were turned to happiness. Complete happiness in my heart. Broken pieces were slowly brought back again. I was so happy that finally I am pregnant.

Nine months in my belly the baby was doing well and I will have a normal baby delivery. As the days were passing by and my delivery date is approaching, I have this pregnancy anxiety wherein I cannot sleep at night thinking how would I give birth, what if it took so long for the baby to come out, what if I don't have enough strength to deliver the baby, what if I go from normal to caesarean delivery. Teardrops would again fall into my eyes. I can remember there are weeks where I literally stat awake the whole night staring the ceiling and overthinking. I pray for strength and for peace.

And the contractions came at 1 am in the morning. The pain grew and grew until 4pm that day. I was hilariously crying because of the pain. And when I cannot bear it anymore I decided to tell my husband to bring to the hospital for baby delivery. That was a long journey from home. Tears are still falling off my eyes as we drove to the hospital. Blessed enough, I delivered the baby as soon as we drop in the hospital and labored for only 45 minutes. The pain was quite unbearable a lot of tears of pain had been shed but after I delivered the baby safely, tears of pain had been replaced with tears of joy- complete joy. It's really true that giving birth is painful but the pain is really worth it!

Happy to be a mother now 😊

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