My Teardrops of Being Perfectonist that leads to Disappointment

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I grow up with people who have many expectations from me! And they usually compare me with the others. At first, I accepted that challenge so I always try and give my best to the full every chances or opportunity given to me to make it perfect even sometimes I almost and wanted to give up. But my family, teachers, classmates and friends expect too much from me. I can’t blame them because it is still me who will decide in the end if I’ll do this and that.! Besides, it makes me feel happy too whenever I make it to meet their expectations from me.

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But as time passed by, the joy that I felt in meeting those expectations from me was replaced by loneliness, fear of disappointing others and especially most disappointing myself. I didn’t notice that of all the achievements I got in giving my best just to pleased others affected my inside person! I become perfectionist, independent and there are times that I feel I don’t need anyone. Because I developed a negative orientation of myself that I shouldn't fail. I expected too much from myself that I always said to myself, “I need to reach this.. I need to get this.. I have to have this.. I need to finish this.. I have to do this..and many more!” And I even expect others to do the same to make it perfect. I get easily disappointed to someone who didn’t meet my expectation because I want them to make it perfect as well. But that leads me to loneliness and unhappiness. Because People think of me as a strong person I hide myself in the real world of my room crying, tears soaked on my pillow and blanket and scolding myself not to show my weakness moment. Actually, I feel like tiring out because of those high expectations from myself. There are times that I’m looking at something but I don’t know what I am thinking and what I am doing! That makes me realize that I needed help.

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I prayed to God Jehovah and asked Him how to cope with this feelings of mine. There Jehovah God leads me in reading this bible verse:

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Proverbs 13:12
“ Expectation postponed makes the heart sick,
But a desire realized is a tree of life.”

Yes, it touches my heart as it is like a sword pierced to discern my thoughts and intentions of my heart. I came to understand that my problem is I get used to expecting much from myself because I want everything perfect and I forgot that nobody is perfect except God. And I realized too that I make other people uncomfortable because they’re worried that I might judge them, make them feel, ‘they’re not good enough’ which makes me feel regret to these feelings I gave to them. Now, this leads me to a conclusion: “ I should do the better way of myself! " And this verse help me :

Philippians 4:5
“Let your reasonableness become known.”
Reasonable people are balanced in what they expect of themselves and in what they expect of others.

For me to do that I should always remember these things:

1. How you view yourself.

I should know my limitations, set a reasonable standard for myself so that I won’t feel disappointed. I‘ll try my best but if it reaches my limit, I should be happy with that!

2. How you view helpful advice

Acknowledging your limitations means accepting others help. So whenever I get stressed with something I should approach and accept their help and advice willingly.

3. How you view others.

I should set a reasonable standard for what I expect from others. Understand that each person has different capabilities and limitations too.

4. How others view you.

I can’t please anyone. So I shouldn't be scared to show my weaknesses. I’ll show the real me not for worst but to become a better person that can be easy to be with!

Now, I am happy that God helped me to realize these things about myself. Also, I am not afraid anymore to show the real me. I just laugh at my weaknesses and now I am enjoying a wonderful friendship with my family and friends!

I’m glad I meet @surpassinggoogle, even just here because he’s always been good to anyone! And for that, I support him as a witness by voting him at https://steemit.com/~witnesses. I’ ll be glad if you vote him as well as your witness at https://steemit.com/~witnesses by typing "steemgigs" at the first search box. If you want to give him witness voting decisions on your behalf, visit https://steemit.com/~witnesses again and type "surpassinggoogle" in the second box as a proxy.