What it's like to be a gaming widow,
I know what you're thinking. No it's not just for sports teams. Football and Baseball are not the only things that can drive a wedge in a relationship the size of the Titanic.
See, what had happened was...
My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for 16. As I stated in my previous post we have 5 beautiful heathens and he has a daughter from a previous relationship, whom I claim as my own.
I had never owned a computer when we met in 2000. I know, I know, but I was too busy working two jobs and buying my own home at 26 years old to worry about things like that. Which if I stop and think about it is hilarious considering that my father, mother, uncle, and grandmother ALL worked in the tech industries at one time or another starting in the early 1960's.
Anyway, the love of my life convinced me to get a PC so that he could play Diablo with his friends. He also moved in carrying an N64, SNES, and PlayStation One under his arm. The last console I had seen was an Atari 2600 (wish I still had that thing...).
Gaming had never been a big part of my life, I'm a bibliophile and I just couldn't grasp the fascination. Until a few years later when Diablo2 was released. That was the beginning of the end for us I think. He started spending more and more time online. Sometimes I would find him still sitting at the desk when I got up. We fought about it a lot. His job allowed him for a much more flexible schedule than mine did so he spent most of his off time either playing the game or hanging around in forums talking to other gamers.
When the bottom dropped out of D2 during the "great banning of the bots", I was secretly jumping for joy (especially after watching him snap the keyboard in half). I thought finally, I was going to get my husband back and my, at the time, 4 children were going to actually get to know their dad.
I should have known better, a gamer will ALWAYS find a game to play. Enter stage right, my baby brother with what I now refer to as "the other woman".
Yup, that's right. I am a Runescape widow. My husband has spent at least 5 years total hour game play in the last 7 years. I am not exaggerating. It has drove us to the brink of divorce twice. And still I cannot get the dragon claws out of his hide. I tried ranting, raving, not paying the cable bill (he just went to the public library), threatening to leave him, not feeding him, completely ignoring him, everything short of shooting the PC. RS has become the 3rd wheel in my marriage.
I know there are going to be comments of "then why do you stay?" or "just leave his arse if he doesn't appreciate you." Well, the problem with that is this; he DOES appreciate me, he does spend time with his children, whenever I have been ill, or the kids are hurt, he is always there. He just doesn't get as involved in the daily grind as he should, he tunes out when he is playing.
We have had to come to some sort of understanding I guess you could call it. The way I look at it, it could be alot worse. I have had friends who's husbands cheat, are verbally abusive, or worse, to them and their children, have drug addictions, etc... Mine just happens to be more absent than present some days, even if he's sitting in the same room.
Is it okay to tune out on your family on a regular basis? Probably not. Should I leave, or continue to rant at him for something that obviously isn't going to change? I'm too old for that now. So what to do after 17 years? Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Until next time, be nice♥
~Tabz
He is not a bad husband as you well said if he take care of you and the children and I think it is better if he is into games and not something else.
And now... are you taking revenge using Steemit??? :D lol!!!
Following you now! :)
Good post, even though I have been that husband before.... in our marriage it was World of Warcraft that became the huge burden... I eventually had to sever all ties with WoW when I saw my kids growing up and realized all I wanted was this game and nothing to do with my family... a major rethinking of my life had to happen and the game eventually just had to go..
I made my wife happy and deleted all my characters in front of her and gave all my gold away to happy newbies in the streets of Orgrimmar. Had like 5 level 90's and deleted them all. 5 years of hardcore play down the toilet but it was worth it of course... because I have 3 beautiful kids and a wonderful wife and they are all starving for me to be the husband/dad that I need to be.
In his defense, he has tried to quit several times. But just like smoking, gambling, or any other vice, it never lasts long. At this point, I have resigned myself to it. Like I said, for someone with an addictive personality, it could be alot worse than a video game.
I like gambling too but I don't have the money to go to the casinos very often at all so I guess my wife thinks its better if i play a few hours of games rather than blow all our money at the boat...
Gaming has been a huge part of my life ever since I was a kid, and being married to a non-gamer for the last sixteen years, there have been times when I'm well aware I've been paying too much attention to the screen and not enough attention to her. It's not right, and I think (I hope) I'm better about it now than I used to be. Only @jennyc knows for sure... :)
We don't have children, and my second job involves writing about video games so I do have an excuse for playing them, but it can be a balancing act. I've learned my limits and ignore games that I know have a high chance to suck me in: no more Sims, no more MMOs, no Farmville-style click-fests or that kind of thing.
I wish you all the success in the world, both in gaming and your relationship with your husband and your children!
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Game developer, fiance and new father here, I definitely can weigh in on this. I'm guilty myself of going straight to the computer when I get home to play some games and unwind. I'm lucky enough to have a partner who also is a gamer, but even then at times too much gaming is definitely a very real thing.
When you come home from a long day of work you want to unwind. For some that's watching TV, reading a book, having a few drinks, ripping a bong or playing some games... or some/all of the above. When you're gaming your mind is temporarily transported to a world where bills, debt and stress from that stupid thing your boss did earlier don't exist. You're freed from the weight of responsibility and it's more than easy enough to lose yourself in there for hours at a time. On top of all that gaming offers much more that could be a whole post on its own (and probably should be).
The damage comes when it's the everyday grind and it detracts from regular healthy activity and time with your friends and family. A balance needs to be found for every unique person.
parabéns post