A Definitive Ranking of Every Season of American Horror Story

    I came across an interesting article today. In the upcoming new season of American Horror Story, Evan Peters has expressed interest in playing.... Ivanka Trump. I will go on record saying that I think making a season revolving around the past election cycle is a terrible idea, however this and past information released including Sara Paulson supposedly playing the "Trump" character of the show gives me pause. Maybe they'll throw us a curve ball? They've done it before. We all thought freak show would actually be good, so maybe this will surprise me. Anyway, that tid bit of information inspired me to look back onto the series so far, and I figured why not make rank the seasons. So without further ado, here is the series ranked from worst to best. There are no opinions here, only objective factual information. (kidding)

This should go without saying, but if you don't want the entirety of the series spoiled, you shouldn't  continue.... In fact why would you have even clicked on this if you haven't seen the show? Weirdo.

John Carol Lynch as "Twisty"

#6. Freak Show

Freak Show was definitely one of the most disappointing moments in television for me personally. The promo showcased the most interesting premise the series had to date, with undertones of intolerance, regret, and just downright creepiness. When it actually debuted, I guess we kinda sorta got something similar to that? Except it was just boring... there were very few characters of actual substance, and the ones we did get were squandered fairly early on. I don't have very much to say about this one, and am happy to say that this was the only season I actually disliked, but at least we got Twisty, right? 

Sarah Paulson as Sally McKenna

#5. Hotel

I hate ranking this so low, because I enjoyed this season quite a bit, but it had some issues which I can't excuse. The setting for this one was phenomenal, pretty much serving as Murder House on steroids. Just as Murder House and Asylum did before it, this season succeeded in making the hotel just as much of a living breathing character as the main cast. It also didn't hurt that it was filled with some compelling characters to boot, including daresay my favorite Sara Paulson character throughout the entire series, and Evan Peters playing the most eccentric role he has thus far, making his previous characters on the show look like your average joe. However, as I said this season has some glaring issues. The two which grated my nerves the most being the over reliance on shock factor, find me ONE episode in which there isn't a ridiculous over usage of sex or gore, I challenge you. I lost count of how many times we were forced to watch Lady Gaga kill or screw her way through her character arc which speaking of, wasn't very compelling in the first place. On top of that, the ending pretty much betrayed the somber tone of the entire season. All of that earns hotel the #5 spot.

Kathy Bates as Delphine LaLaurie

#4. Coven

Coven is probably the most interesting season of the show. It's the least "horror" of the bunch, focusing instead on the political tensions within the supernatural. Touching on racism and discrimination, this is perhaps the only season which seems as if it has something to say. That aside, it tells a damn good story. When thinking back on this season it's easy to forget how many great story lines it had. It showcased the axe man, Evan Peters and his demented love triangle which transcended death itself, the power struggle between those vying to be the next supreme (And her who wished to keep the title), Kathy Bates' as a woman struggling to come to grips with a new world (plus her polarizing backstory/personality), I can go on. While this season strayed far from its roots, the risk definitely paid off. There were however a few questionable points. Killer vagina? Perhaps the worst Evan Peters character of the show, despite the intriguing story line around him, Jamie Brewer as 'Nan'. It wasn't a perfect season by any means, but the positives most definitely outweigh the negatives.

Evan Peters as Tate Langdon

3. Murder House

Ahh, what started it all. This is the season I have the fondest memories watching, it's also the only one that actually scared me while viewing it. This shit had me ducking around corners and checking closets for weeks after watching it. Call that good writing, or me being fairly young when I watched it, I'm going to chalk it up to a little bit of both. This was probably the most suspenseful of the bunch, leaving you done with each episode thinking that you just have to watch one more, hell yeah you can function on 3 hours of sleep. The house was such an atmospheric setting, feeling more fleshed out than half of the characters in most blockbuster movies these days. Jessica Lange and Evan Peters absolutely kill it, with the latter clocking in his most nuanced performance of the series. The inner struggle of Dylan McDermott's character Dr. Ben Harmon as he struggles to fix his broken relationship is golden, with the scene of him masturbating to the maid being grossly hysterical while managing to tug at your heartstrings at the same time. The biggest negative I can point out is that it sort of fell apart towards the end, like almost completely. Leaving the entire cast dead, seemingly thrilled to be stuck in that house taking care of a perpetually newborn baby for all of eternity, and this was portrayed as a happy ending.... Yay? I guess?

Cuba Gooding Jr. as Matt Miller

#2. My Roanoke Nightmare

God damn, this season really surprised the hell out of me. Upon its airing, my love for the series had waned a little, and I wasn't expecting very much based on the promo. When it opened claiming it was based on true events my interest was piqued. Then I found out that they completely switched up the formatting of the show, with the "Based on true events" being a bait and switch, this irritated me. On top of that the first couple episodes didn't catch my attention very much at all. This lead to me putting it down and not revisiting it until months later when a friend was feverishly recommending I finish it. Wow, am I glad I did. After re-watching the first episodes, I still thought they were somewhat lackluster but dredged on due to all the positive things my friend was saying about it. I'll say it again, wow.... The season changes its format again amidst the biggest curve ball the show runners have ever thrown us, then when you think it can't get anymore bizarre than that, they do it AGAIN. They took a serious risk with this season, and I'd say it most definitely paid off. There were some genuinely unsettling moments, such as Shelby's suicide, Lee getting tortured by the deranged hillbillies, the introduction of Flora's "imaginary" friend within the house. One would never guess where the season would go after watching the first few episodes. If it weren't for the rocky start, this would be a serious contender for the #1 spot.

Jessica Lange as Sister Jude

#1 Asylum

What can I really say about Asylum.... This is my favorite season for a number of reasons. It turns a mirror onto religion and the ideological dogma those entrenched in it can easily fall prey to, it provides thought provoking commentary on how we as a people view the mentally ill, it features a retro catholic mental institution that at one point is headed by a nun that's possessed by the DEVIL. Really, what more can you want from a television show? Oh wait I forgot, JESSICA FREAKING LANGE. This was her best performance in the series, possibly the best performance in the series, I don't care what anyone says. Take notes Hollywood, this is how you write a strong female character. You don't write what's essentially a male protagonist just played by a woman. You create a nuanced strong character with clear motives, and pitfalls who is actually a WOMAN. Evan Peters brought it, Sarah Paulson brought it, we got Pepper! The doctor who's name escapes me at the moment was phenomenal. Every minor character had a distinctive personality and purpose. The main antagonist "bloody face" was a charismatic devil who you truly loved to hate, and it was both immensely satisfying and heartbreaking when Sarah Paulson had to kill her own son in present day. If there is any season of the show which is close to perfection, it's definitely this one. I'm still hoping that one day they dedicate a season to that alien story line which was never fully explored. If AHS can one day top this season for me, then they can completely fall off and I'll still praise the show to no end.