I am a weird.

 
Today I wanted to tell you a funny rumor about my past. Each of us has his skeletons in the closet.  Shameful, funny, sad moments. 

Episodes where we felt out of place, humiliated, weird, weird. 

 Here's one of my most vivid and unpleasant memories goes back to the media.  At the time I was a timid girl (I am only now hiding it better), I wore sweaty sweaters, dark sweaty jeans, I had my boyish hair like Harry Potter, I was worshiping Harry Potter!

 My room was dotted with Poster of the movie, I even owned a cloak and a scarf of every house! I wrote in the diary (I kept a diary, really very retro?) That I wanted to marry a wizard, I lived in a fantasy way!  

I used to spend my days reading books, mostly fantasy, Shannara's saga, Earthsea, Narnia, Anne rice books and Laurell.k Hamilton, Stephen King etc. etc.  I liked to draw, I dreamed of becoming a designer (funny, now my mother is a painter and I do not!) And I listened to supertramp tape. 

I had a best friend, we were inseparable, listened to sex pistols, and we played Final Fantasy.  

At school I was a taciturn type but sometimes I was thrilled about some topic, mainly when it came to books or issues concerning foreign and homosexuals (my positions, useless to deny it, have always been very progressive and this did not attract me much sympathy on me ).  I always said good-bye, night at home alone I practiced to speak well, I liked to hear my voice expressing simple concepts in an elegant way, I used to vaguely satisfy myself, I did not say swear or blasphemy, in fact I was looking for nice and strange words to enrich my vocabulary. 

I wanted to learn Latin and then Russian and why not? The Japanese!  I was not interested in the boys  the only one who was nice to me was my companion with the passion for marvel comics and cigarettes, I remember him sweetly because at Christmas occasions he gave me a nib belonging to his grandfather, telling me to believe in my dreams.  The other males were indifferent to me, I wanted to marry a wizard not a boy .  That ninety, however, remained in my heart.  With regret now I realize that I have buried the passion of the design, along with many others, under a blanket of duties and responsibilities, real or just perceive who knows it ...  Anyway I'm wandering, we go back to us. 

 The episode in question belongs to the media, to the school, for me a source of stress and preocupation (Even now that I am doing the university is the same solfa, only in this round I chose to go to my will)

Studying I did not feel sorry but sometimes I felt inadequate, not weary and too stupid to have good results.

Although my grades were not bad, I did not excel in many subjects and I had little motivation. I always felt under the press and the subjects I studied did not passionate to me, except for rare exceptions.

I also feared death as the questions, all of them staring at me, and I was a mute scene, despite having studied, a nightmare.

I was the usual "Girl is smart but does not apply," but it was a lie, I applied, I was just very insecure and anxious.

One remembrance morning I entered the classroom after being absent, causing fever, for a week.

I went into the classroom as usual, with the boss head, I was accustomed to being joked, for clothes, for the way of speaking, for my strange interests. Some paper ball on it, a burned book, laughs and whispered "Lesbians."

 But some little anger was reported, relations with my companions were not thesis and I was trying to be always courteous and nice, I wanted to make friends, but I always felt a fish out of water. I was trying to be bold and defend myself from the little ones, I laughed over or minimized, but below I felt an exclusion.

I felt ridiculous behind me, a Serbian-born companion, usually gentle or at least not openly hostile, with big green eyes and a scowny face and open to see her express sweetness. I remember it as a sweet guy.

He had a chalk in his hand and pointed to me, I rushed into the classroom.

I lifted my eyes and on the chalkboard I got written in letters Cubitali "Welcome Back Noemi the weird! "

I remember how bad I was, the disorientation I felt, the shame, the pain.

I felt offended and humiliated. I had a stomach ache and called home.

Since then, back to school for me was a patema.

And it is funny to think about it now, almost twenty years away, that Noemi the weird thing that then seemed to me offensive now seems beautiful to me.

image source : www.pixabay.com