Welcome to my church. It's not what you think.

It's Sunday and I'm wandering around in the woods looking for frisbees. I don't really subscribe to the whole conventional church scene. I'd much rather spend time with others and with nature. So today my church is the local disc golf course. It was a beautiful morning of about 80 degrees with nary a cloud in the sky. There were only a handful of other golfers out so I had the run of the course.

_{Me eyeing up the last hole.}

Why the hell did you start this post with a picture of you standing at the last hole? I'm glad you asked. Honestly, I have no idea. I guess because it was the best picture for what I figured would be a better thumb for this post.

Actually, I do address each hole like this. Staring it down. Intimidating it. Daring it to put a tree in front of my shot. Unfortunately, the holes don't really give a crap. They put trees in front of most of my shots and I hate them for it. But that's not very church like so I love them for it...stupid trees.

_{The second hole at our course. Long and straight...wish my discs flew long and straight.}

The second hole at our disc golf course is probably the longest at 635 feet. I'm sure there are pro's that can throw this in two shots but I'm ecstatic if I can do it in 4. Today was one of those days. I had a killer drive, by my standards, and a terrible second shot into the woods. My pitch out of the woods ended up rolling about 15 feet from the hole which I ended up barely putting in.

_{Sinners pay for their erratic throws with poison ivy}

This patch of poison ivy sort of surprised me. As I said, I threw an awesome drive on hole 2 and followed that shot with a flat hyzer which curved directly into the left woods. Focused on searching for my disc I walked through the woods. As I let my focus recoil I came to the realization I was standing in a sea of poison ivy.

It turns out my disc went into the woods a little further up and there was very little poison ivy (see picture) near the disc there. It was at this point I considered going home to wash my legs and hands. The past three years I've gotten some wicked poison ivy infections on my arm one year and on my legs the other two years. I did not want to go through that again. But I soldiered on in favor of enjoying the wonderful day in my church and my near stellar performance thus far.

_{A parishioner wandering around the woods}

It was about hole 5 when I ran into this chatty parishioner. I finished my putting and started walking to hole 6 when I was halted in my tracks by this huge set of eyes and ears. Peter the Rabbit looked me over as he nibbled on some grass. I took a few small steps closer and relied on the terrible zoom of my phone camera to get this shot. He bolted after he was content with the short conversation we had. I'm not particularly fluent in rabbit-ese so there is a chance I accidentally insulted him.

This is about a 20 foot putt on the warm up green. I try to maintain the same rhythm and routine for each putt of 20 feet or less. My legs are spread slightly as if I were taking a larger than normal step. I go through a few practice motions of throwing while rocking onto my back foot then forward onto my front foot. For putts further than 20 feet I attempt a more throwing type of motion as if you were throwing the disc to a friend on the beach.

Today I hit the longest putt of my career. On hole 9 I threw an impressively long drive down the middle of the fairway which landed about 55 feet from the hole. I thought about just laying up (trying to place the next shot close enough to the hole so you can just tap it in). But I figured, what the heck, if I make this putt the masses will rejoice and there's a good chance I'll get my wings. If I fail, the masses will hear me cursing like a sailor and I'll have to apologize to the parents who are playing with their kids at the playground. Just after I released the shot I knew it was destine to go in. It went in dead center and I sung the praises of the day.

_{Sun peaking through where the path of two holes cross.}

While walking to hole 8 I saw the gates of the wooden heaven opened to me. Its recharging sun beams were not going to be denied entry into the otherwise shaded path. I imagine situations like this is where people think they see heavenly apparitions before them that tell them when the end of the world will be or that they should recite the rosary. The great tree saint Oakman Leafgreen told me to use my forehand throw on hole 8 to avoid the numerous trees close to the driving tee. It was actually great advice. I usually shoot a 5 on hole 8 due to bouncing shots from tree to tree. But this time I shot a 3. Thank you mighty Oakman Leafgreen!!

_{My pulpit for today's sermon.}

This stump was right in the middle of one of the wooded fairways. I strode up to my tree stump pulpit prepared to deliver my message to the congregation in the woods. Realizing that this was fairly close to the playground where parents where chasing their kids around, I opted to keep the sermon brief for fear of someone calling the mental hospital on me. There's no way I'm going back! I'm almost certain I heard an "amen" from a group of squirrels as the chased passed me.

_{Some sort of button mushrooms decorating my church}

This little trio of fungi were enjoying the muddy leafy floor of the woods. There was another group of them that might have been destroyed by a skidding disc or kicked by a careless golfer. They remind me of some marshmallows that may have fallen out of a campers bag while on their way to a campfire. I know that TV survival dude said don't eat strange mushroom but these are so tempting! I'll heed his advice this time.

_{This big guys were growing along side a log}

These brown fungi just cropped up in the middle of the fairway at one of the wooded disc golf holes. They reminded me of small hamburger buns that may have been discarded as food for the birds. I'm glad no other golfer kicked them over or stomped on them. I like the composition of this photo with the soft mushrooms in front of the decaying log and vibrant green grass poking out at various angles.

_{Sinners pay for bad throws in the pond. However, you can be forgiven if you find a long stick.}

I ended up sinning in this pond...well, my yellow Dragon disc did anyway. It's a floating disc so I had an easier time retrieving it than the few sinking discs I've lost in the past. Lucky for me losing discs in this pond is old hat and I had a long stick on standby.

There are a whole slew of turtles living in the pond but each time I tried to get close enough to photograph them they would become shy and submerge. I really hate that my iPhone 6's camera zoom sucks. At some point in the near future I need to upgrade.

Here's an array of disc that I use for various purposes thrown on the ground for no other reason than for this photo. The top left orange disc is a putter. The "Glo Comet" at the top middle is a glow in the dark mid-range disc. The top right blue disc is another putter. The yellow disc at the bottom left is my long range driver that floats in water. The middle orange disc is another mid-range. And finally the bottom right sea foam green disc is my go-to distance driver.

Benediction

I feel time spent at my church is better than time spent in a conventional church. Everyone that's here genuinely wants to be here. Everyone is accepted at this church without judgement. Nature has created the ultimate environment for us to center ourselves spiritually. We have confused all of this with cryptic stories, arcane rules and fear of damnation.

Go forth into nature. Look at the beauty of the plants and animals. Feel the recharging rays of the sun. Breathe in all it has to offer. Thanks for visiting my church.