In The Dreaming: Chapter Forty Seven "Rage Against the Pain" (Fantasy Y/A Novel)

-I wrote the following novel nearly two decades ago. In the years between then and now I've honed my craft, and my perception of this world; my thoughts and ideas; have changed dramatically. However, I still enjoy the premise and have decided to do an overhaul of revisions and rewrites, though likely not until sometime next year. (Though I'm sure I'll do a little as I post chapters)

For now I hope you will enjoy a glimpse into my book writing beginnings...

They are the closest of friends though they have never met in waking life.

Prologue-PT1 Prologue-PT2 Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13

Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16

Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19

Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22

Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25

Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28

Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31

Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34

Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37

Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40

Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43

Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46

Chapter Forty Seven

“What do we do?” Brent, unlike Collin, was no stranger to tears and his eyes were swimming.

“Call John Gothan, that’s what.” Jake went to the fridge and flipped through their magnetic note pad until he found the number. He dialed and Katherine answered. He explained what had happened, listened for a moment, then hung up.

“She’s going to get a hold of John and be up here straight away,” he told Brent. “I’ll go over to the library and get Gerald, even if he doesn’t want to talk I want all of us to be here for support in case he comes out.”

Brent nodded and looked towards Collin’s bedroom sadly.

An hour later the three boys were sitting quietly on the couch when John and Katherine showed up. They pointed at the bedroom. John walked over and knocked gently and was answered by silence. He opened the door quietly and went in.

Collin was lying face down and did not look up.

John gently put his hand on the boys’ shoulder and felt a knot forming in his stomach. He loved him like a son, he'd known that for awhile but at this moment the knowledge sank deep into his heart.

“Collin, I want you to come home with me and Kat.”

Collin turned his head and looked up at the man. If it had been anyone else he would have put up a fight to not be moved. He sat up with some effort and put his head in his hands. John sat down next to him and pulled him into his arms. Collin remained rigid for a moment than gave in and hugged him back desperately wishing he could cry.

John moved back a little and gripped his shoulders firmly. “I’ll let you get dressed and grab some clothes.”

Collin sat a few more moments than got up heavily. He had trouble concentrating on the task at hand but managed to find his duffel and shove in whatever would fit. He dressed with the movements of a zombie then went out to the den. His roommates all stood in unison and for a moment he felt a pang of great affection for the trio. They all looked deeply concerned and he realized he had good, solid friends.

“I’ll be in touch,” he told them and managed a weak smile. They followed him out the door to the car and Gerald cleared his throat.

“I guess it goes without saying, if you need anything..

“Yes,” Jake broke in, “We’ll be there in a moment’s notice.” Brent stood beside him nodding, tears falling down his face.

Collin smiled slightly again and nodded. “Thanks guys.” He shut the door to the Mazda and leaned back against the seat.

Katherine spoke first, the psyche doctor in her was always working. “What are you thinking hon?” She asked him gently.

Collin sighed. “I could have stopped it from happening.”

“Oh sweetheart, whenever a tragedy of this magnitude occurs people blame themselves, but you cannot control a thing like this.”

Collin shook his head. “It’s different this time,” he said thickly, “I really could have stopped it. John and I were supposed to be up at Cornell, but we didn’t go. Last week I told him that he should start spending weekends with me, excluding this one.” A sob filled his heart but didn’t make it to the surface.

“I see...

“No! You don’t see! I didn’t leave, I was here, do you want to know why I didn’t call him to come up? I was going to, but then Brent said his brother was coming into town and wanted to go up to the pool hall and later play cards and drink some beer. I didn’t call him because you have to be sixteen to be in the pool hall after 8pm. I chose,” he emphasized the word, “pool and beer over my own brother. And he died because of it.” His heart sank further and he dropped his head into his hands.

Katherine was quiet for a moment. Of course she knew it was not his fault, but it was a very convincing story to a boy in pain.

“Have you ever seen the movie Time Machine?” John spoke up.

“What? No, I read it.”

“So you know the premise, that he built it to save the woman that he loved. And he went back time after time after time, and no matter what he did she still died.”

“So you’re saying if he was with me this weekend he would have died anyway? I didn’t think you believed in appointed time of death.”

“Well, I do. In fact there’s a good chance that he wouldn’t have stayed the whole weekend. He might have come up on Friday and headed home on Saturday because he wanted to hang out with his friends. And then you would be saying right now that you should have convinced him to stay one more night. There are things in life that are far beyond our control, and of all of them death is the biggest.”

Katherine was smiling at John, obviously elated to hear him talk like that. Collin had been about to argue the point but when he looked at the two of them, he couldn’t bring himself too, despite his inward battle. He sat quietly thinking about it instead. Perhaps they were right and there was nothing that could have been done. It had happened Saturday night and not Friday. He was just so angry and it was easier to be angry at himself. He could choose his mother but that was a bitter road to take. He could choose God, but considering he wasn’t sure of his or its existence it wouldn't really be fair. He felt sick to his stomach, his face was hot and his eyes burned. When they were getting close to home John asked if he wanted to go to his mom’s for awhile. Collin shook his head. He knew exactly what she was doing at this moment and if he was trying not to shift the blame he had to stay away from her, at least for today.

“Are you sure honey, your mom needs you. I spoke with her on the phone and she hasn’t been able to find your brother Jimmy.”

“Big surprise,” he shook his head. “There are certain things I haven’t told you because they are pretty recent and I haven’t had the chance. My mom is an alcoholic.”

He sighed, then continued, “She was sober for seven years and fell off the wagon about a month ago, maybe more. Jack was only with those kids- kids who are a great deal older than him- because he’s been staying away from the house as much as possible. I am so fucking angry right now I feel like physically breaking things apart!” He choked on the bile that was rising to his throat. “If I go there right now she will become the sole focus of my anger. Do you understand?” His voice had become low and even a little menacing near the end as he envisioned taking bottles of whiskey or vodka and smashing them all over the apartment, overturning furniture, and finally taking a chair and beating that slime ball Craig to the ground. He believed that in this moment with this much rage he could take the guy down with ease.

John and Katherine exchanged looks of mild surprise and concern.

“Okay,” Katherine said quietly, “I’ll get a hold of your mom and find out the arrangements. You can wait until your ready to see her, but as soon as you are let me know and I will take you. If you want, I’ll go in with you too.”

“Thank you.” All of a sudden he was exhausted. “Could you show me my room so I can take a nap?”

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