The hidden battlefields of a secret war.
The battle had been waging on and off for years but the enemy always came back for more and each time it had evolved so our old defences were not good enough. It would break down everything we had done in the past, sometimes chipping them away, sometimes in a tidal wave of fury.
The enemy wasn't just smart, it was elusive. It would hide away and then strike, separating you and have you jumping at shadows. Everything you had done and the victories you had achieved would be washed away and you were back sat in the dark in a foxhole you have dug to try and hide.
This was a war of survival, a battle to try and reach back to that old life before it all began. Each time you thought you had been victorious but it would snake back in, to drag you back to the battlefield and a bit more of you died, a little bit more of you left behind. It was tiring, the soul sapping drain of your energy to keep going.
Others fighting the battle had already lost, defeated so they could no longer carry on. It seemed that each day more fell, some were well known but many fell without anyone but their families to morn their passing. Where the war was fiercest and darkest is where they fell, alone and without hope, unable to see the return of light.
How can we defeat an enemy that gets inside our heads, knows all our fears and uses them against us?
It feeds and devours everything positive so we feel empty and alone, cast adrift in the battlefield that is our own mind. It is a war fought in private, no television reports or newspaper articles to speak of victories, only a side note in the obituaries when the battle is lost.
This is mental illness, where you hear labels such as depression or anxiety those suffering are often fighting to survive, to live that normal life, whatever that is.
This brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad that you're able to write about the struggle here - you are not only educating us, you're giving those who can't talk about mental illness a voice. And you're giving us the opportunity to let you know we are here for you as much as we can be. Bless you and your family. (((hugs)))
Thank you, I've never been at the point of self harm or worse but have seen it in others close to me. In my posts I'm trying to explain what I've personally been through or witnessed first hand with others. Its hard for many to speak out but with more understanding then maybe they will be able.
Hi alienbutt,
Sometimes for me it is my mental health I have hard time maintaining to fight the negativity in my mind and in my life.
It's hard to fight negativity when it comes from your own mind, when you find little pleasure in anything. You just have to keep going on auto pilot through your daily life and keep telling yourself it will get better, get help and talk about it.
I post on here as I find to put words down helps me to get my thoughts in order. I can write the words I can't say face to face.
Sometimes, written expression may be the 1st step to help relieve the depression of the mind.
I don't know where I heard it, but when this topic comes up I always have to think of:
The moral is that everyone is in danger to mental health problems at one point. It's just that in some cases people scatter in a thousand pieces inside. But still, nobody can see it what they've turned into.
What if you stop fighting and accept the enemy as something that can be observed, but requires no action?
There still such a blanket over talking about mental illness. And BTW I hate labels. They do nothing but perpetuate misunderstanding and closed-mindedness. You have described your illness with great clarity and feeling. It gives those reading insight into what it is like for you. Thank you for giving a voice to many people who feel they have no voice.