Let's face it. When it comes to almost all our relationships, we have been pretty dishonest about it. In fact, a lot of us are lying to ourselves. We accept relationships that don't fully and perfectly suit us. We forego our own values and principles with weak excuses all the time, especially when emotions are involved.
I see it all the time.
This is when friends are constantly accepting inappropriate behavior within each other. Immaturity has become a sharp standard that pierces through everyone's tolerance for each other.
Say for example, a friend is constantly late and can never be on time to save his own life. Everybody else then concludes, "Oh he's just like that."
Among intimate relationships, gender qualities, which are simply based on textbooks and what the majority does become the standard of how people behave.
Say for example, the girl creates drama all the time and acts unreasonable. Guys would be quick to say, "She's a girl. You have to accept that." On the flip side, guys try to portray their dominance with anger or even violence. Girls are then quick to say, "He's a guy. And that's okay."
Let's not forget that one person in the group who's a chronic liar. That person pulls words out of his or her own ass all the time. They lie to elevate themselves and among the rest of the more honest people in the group, you guys are laughing, "Haha he's just like that. Don't take him seriously. Hey! Remember when he posted that long ass rant on Facebook? That is so funny!"
These, my friends, are the fine marks of a bullshitty relationship. There is hypocrisy and insecurity in everyone.
The fine balance between acceptance, forgiveness and complete dishonesty plus hypocrisy
Maybe I'm just being a hard ass or that I've a super low tolerance for bullshit, especially since I'm turning 30 soon.
Nonetheless, I do think it borders on being a serious issue as honest relationships are a dime in a dozen nowadays. Personally, I myself have trouble finding emotional support from people around me. The people I look up the most are the ones I don't get to see often. On that level, that is how special my relationship with them are.
Tell them what they need to hear, not what they want
A real friend wants the best out of you. They would want you to grow so you can be the best version of yourself.
Constantly brushing issues off with a, "They're just like that" will never allow anyone to grow. That is how things fester and eventually blow up in our faces.
From time to time, but not all the time, you've to let your dearest friends know what you're thinking deep down. You've to tell them what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. The latter is only filled with obligatory and masturbatory nonsense, like "Hang in there!" or "LOL!"
If somebody pisses you off, say your piece or get the fuck out
Because there's only so much you can tolerate. There's only so long you can push aside your own values just so your annoying friend can have his way.
Tolerating for too long builds resentment. But because you don't want trouble or that you hate confrontations, you play along anyway. Now, who's the hypocrite?
Maybe I'm being a little dramatic here, but you know how they say that evil prevails when good people stand at the side and do nothing? Yeah. That's you when you're only always tolerating. That's how you allow your friends to not grow too.
Forgiveness is not a convenient excuse
Forgiveness is a deep concept, more so when it comes to actually forgiving one's self.
Unfortunately, most people use forgiveness as an excuse just so they can pat themselves on the back, that they're doing the "right" thing when actually it's only allowing more reluctant tolerance. Eventually, we all know where that goes.
Now, again, who's the real hypocrite if you're misusing forgiveness, a supposedly godly tool in life?
Honest relationships start with yourself
If you want honest relationships, you've to start being honest with yourself first. Your piece deserves to be said.
Sure, it's only life. No theory, textbook or blog posts can tell you how to really live. You just have to play along and find out for yourself.
But why not do yourself a favor and aim for non-bullshit relationships?
Why chuck aside your values for an undeserving person?
Why put up with the crap coming from a liar's mouth?
Why believe you're happy with the people around you when deep down, you know you are not?
Why lie to yourself?
To answer the headline of this article, non-bullshit relationships are everywhere. They're yours for the picking. You just have to be careful with who you choose and how you choose to act around them.
Keep healthy distances with everybody. You don't need to be best friends with everyone. You don't need to please everybody. You can't anyway. You certainly don't have to put up with any kind of crap. As said, say your piece or get the fuck out.
Life is way too short for weak relationships.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://alden-tan.com/non-bullshit-relationships/