To Be Adored-100 Days of Poetry Challenge: Day Seventy Two
To Be Adored
Will you Sing to me?
Let your music wash over and envelop me,
wrap me in warmth and gold
entice me with your lyrics,
seduce me with your words
let me become that which you desire
let me feel your passion,
your fire.
To feel wanted and adored
to be encased in liquid gold.
The warmth of love washing over me
My senses coming alive.
my memories of old
creating doorways to my soul.
My very existence,
so raw and exposed,
these emotion have brought up in me
something so wicked and bold
taunting and teasing
my sense of wonder magnified
this one glimpse of desire,
has created something that I cannot hide
This wildness,
this wickedness set free and undenied.
1st Image:https://www.etsy.com/au/market/love_art
2nd Image:https://www.fizdi.com/kamasutra-paintings-artworks/
Notes
Check out this great challenge here: https://steemit.com/steemitschool/@d-pend/announcing-the-steemit-school-poetry-100-day-challenge
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Opening with a literal question is bold, and I like it. I so often have been nudged away from such things when I’ve been in workshops and classes at university. I think it’s a potent way to draw someone in, and it sure brought me closer in wanting to see where the journey of the question would take me.
And then there is the question “Will you sing to me?”
This is enticing as a viewer, you seem to be asking this of us, the audience, the reader, the viewer, and for me, again, I immediately wanted to move further into the piece.
The whole of this piece seems and feels, sexy, sensual, and lovely. I was struck by the melodic way in which the words fell from my tongue, both in my head and when I read the piece out loud.
When you speak of “memories of old creating doorways…” I get a rather intricate feeling of openness and a sense of someone that has worked on their wounds, someone that uses past experiences as building blocks to create a beautiful newness from a strong foundation.
The language you mix into this piece (raw, exposed, wicked, taunting, teasing)
is darkly playful, which brings a depth and texture that gives the reader more insight into that which holds your fancy. There is a very saucy, slinky feeling, going throughout the piece that continues to urge the reader deeper into the poetic narrative.
You say something significant, “this one glimpse of desire” , that leads me to think this is a very specific love musing, to a specific person rather than just a meandering into the idea of moving forward with desire and love as broad stroke ideas. In fact, the closing thought is mysterious and provocative. I love the tone, with the second mention of wickedness which flags my Jungian filter as to a very specific idea and the way you link it to being set free, that this act creates something that is undenied within your sense of self as you make this declaration to the world, to the reader, to the subject. “this wickedness set free and undenied.”
Overall, this piece feels slightly confessional (in an A.Nin way), like a journal entry that is penned in the wee hours when passion is rising high and the mind is free to express itself. You have fashioned a nice flow with the words and line breaks and created a piece to be proud of. A love letter in the best of ways, the poetic way (imo). There are a couple of things that seemed as if they may be in error, grammatically (I only say this as the rules you laid down were not followed throughout, so they stuck out), alas, my feedback is not grammatical.
Fantastic — thank you for the journey.
P.S. Look kindly upon any typos for I am the Queen of typos and speak the language. ::giggles::
thank you very much @mamadini for your amazing and constructive feedback, I really appreciate it. I am hoping to improve my poetry each day so this really helps.
This is deep and passionate yet so free like smoke rising to the heavens! Beautiful piece :)
Unsolicited advice; Check for typos :)
thank you very much @tezmel, much appreciated xx
@therealwolf 's created platform smartsteem scammed my post this morning (mothersday) that was supposed to be for an Abused Childrens Charity. Dude literally stole from abused children that don't have mothers ... on mothersday.
https://steemit.com/steemit/@prometheusrisen/beware-of-smartsteem-scam
So beautiful!! I can totally recognize myself here;)
thank you Niina for all your support xx
Congratulations! Your post has been included in week 4 of the Powa Moves curation post, which highlights quality writing and art from the #teamgirlpowa tag. 💖 Thanks for keeping @teamgirlpowa awesome!
thank you @teamgirlpowa always very honoured to be curated by your awesome team xx