(Steemit School Poetry 100 Day Challenge: Day 7) MOBY

in steemitschoolpoetry •  6 months ago

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Dear All,

My 7th submission is my attempt on Ae Freislighe.

 

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MOBY

oleh: Ikhwanul Halim

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I, one in the family
away from home long ago
I don’t need no amnesty
for my past as an outlaw

           didn’t seek your forgiveness—
           neither from god nor goddess,
           I chose my own loneliness
           off your seductive bodice

started a revolution,
blood shed on holy islands
acid water, air pollution-
to date the death in silence

           I was there in black uniform,
           cavalry of the devils,
           just then, law on you reform—
           backed by gold and your evils.

pretty face wreaks tragedy,
sorrow for any minnow,
whales heard the tune gravely,
for less I let you win, now

           so, I went to northen sea,
           life unblest, my hope bereft
           in a state of dormancy
           the one in family left.

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Bandung, March 14, 2018

This is my 7th submission for 100 Day Poetry Challenge conceived by Daniel Pendergraft @d-pend. I am still a beginner in English poems.

If you want to participate, please do not hesitate to join Steemit School discord.

Big thank @d-pend for giving me this chance to participate in this event.

Images source: 1, 2, 3

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ini untuk lomba ya bang. sukses ya bang. semoga menang.

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Iya, bang. Ternyata membuat puisi dalam bahasa asing menguras energi dan pikiran...hahaha

Makasih, bang @musismail

tetap semangat walau sudah mendapatkan kemenangan.

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Terima kasih 🙏😊

Semoga menang lagi Kang @ayahkasih.

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Mengharap duren jatuh dari pohon kangkung, bang @tusroni...hahaha

Terima kasih

Kayak sinetrom kejar tayang nih. Hahaha.....

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Lama-lama bisa lupa bahasa Indonesua, nih...hahaha

Semangat menang🐎🐂

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Semangat nulis dulu yang penting, mbak @puanswarnabhumi. Menang kalah tergantung selera juri 😁

really nice @ayahkasih,
" I chose my own loneliness
off your seductive bodice"
I like this, well done, keep your words coming.

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Comes from you, makes me feel like a world class poet.

Thank you, @trucklife-family 😊

Cocok untuk lomba. Semoga menang....

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Terima kasih, bang @ahmadunyh. Untuk menang berat, yang penting terus berusaha 😊

Semangat bang. Semoga menang.

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Dipaksa harus semangat. Soal menang kalah nomor sekian, bang @andrianhabibi

Salam

Had to look up the Ae Freislighe (helpful link explaining the form for any interested in understanding the poem better), and I've got to say, mate, we might have you in the wrong category despite English being your second language - this poem is deftly done.

I enjoyed this intermingling of the stories of the Caribbean pirates with the novelized tale of the White Whale.

Some of your rhymes are chosen perfectly, with goddess / bodice | islands / silence particularly standing out.

Always enjoy when I make it over to you page for a read, @ayahkasih, all the work you put into your writing definitely shows through.