DAD-Chronicals : The first girlfriend of the son: How do I behave as a father?

bembelmaniac (65)in #steemiteducation • 6 years ago (edited)

The first girlfriend of the son: How do I behave as a father?

There comes the time when the son changes. He gets cool, dresses casually and chills with his buddies. This is perfectly normal, although sometimes a bit exhausting. After all, being cool is not just a kid's birthday, as a boy has to pay attention to many things. The cool time is followed by another, which is often a challenge for dads. When the once-small boy falls in love, everything changes. For all.

When the cool becomes shy, when the son locks himself in the room for hours to chat and otherwise his behavior is altered, a girl is often the reason. Suddenly the phone is in constant use, one text message follows the next, all at once the matching clothes play a much more important role than before, first attempts of a beard growth are "pushed" by regular shaving. You never forget your first girlfriend, they say. But times have changed, as Father has to do with other social aspects. Things that do not necessarily relieve the first love of the son.

Early glossy love

Today's offspring is faster than it was 10 or 20 years ago. Faster sexually mature, earlier ready for feelings that affect the opposite sex. But for the young people that does not mean that it would be easier, on the contrary. Today, more than 20 years ago, the image of the perfect person is being transported. This happens to a large extent through the media. But even musicians and actors today have the best chances if they appear immaculate. What seems to have nothing to do with the first love, but has an impact on children and adolescents. Because the topic of sex can be found daily, it has become an integral part of our society. For your son, this is not very helpful, because much more important for the first love are questions of trust and affection. Young people are completely overwhelmed with the perfect templates of glossy magazines. As well as the fact of admitting this excessive demand. You have to learn to handle this.

The butterflies in the belly do not concern you! Or is it?

Everything feels different. In the past, girls were either annoying or, at best, good friends, but in this case it is not comparable to what they have experienced so far.
Butterflies in the stomach are something completely new to boys, and most of the time, they make a state secret first. The parents do not seem to mind that the boy gets palpable when he sees the one that completely upsets his emotional world. This is likely to change later, but the right time is important to you as a father too.

First of all, leave your son alone with his feelings when communicating the wish. It has nothing to do with hanging him in the air. But the willingness to talk must emanate from the teenager, otherwise it leads to nothing.
But regularly signal that you are always available to talk about yourself, your emotional state or your girlfriend.

The offspring grow up

The first girlfriend is also a step towards growing up. That's why it's even more important that you take your son seriously. Loose sayings or jokes about the opposite sex are usually inappropriate and beyond unhelpful. For your son, first love is felt to be the most beautiful creature in the world. You certainly will not score if you make fun of it. The first steps with the girlfriend are also part of the way to the independence of your son. Support him.

Grant asylum

The problem with the first girlfriend is often the question of where to meet to be together. Instead of making their first shared tender experiences on park benches or abandoned playgrounds, it makes more sense to give the couple their freedom within their own four walls. Of course, this also means that sooner or later the topic of contraception has to play a role. But that does not work until your son has opened so much that he's ready to talk about everything that's going on in him. You will notice that, because at some point it is no longer about isolating yourself and being alone with the feeling and the girlfriend. The point is, your son will ask you how to deal with it. And maybe the topic of sex even comes from him.

Love mades blind - but not forever

No one is immune to it, that's not a matter of age. When a person is freshly in love, perception changes. The priorities, by the way, too. But as a rule, adults can control this better than adolescents. And so it can happen that your son and girlfriend want to spend every free minute together. This can lead to neglecting school or education, but also domestic duties such as pet care. To a certain extent, this is understandable, but if your son overburdens your patience, there is a need for action. Growing up also involves taking responsibility, even when the heart beats just for your loved one.

By the way - do not get used to your son's girlfriend too much. The first love often has a decisive accompanying effect: it is sometimes quickly replaced by the second.

Did I forget something? Can you think of any more points?
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.