Helping your child cope with stress

Nobody can say that they have never experienced stress - no matter what your age, things has happened in your life that causes you to feel stressed out.

              

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As an adult you think back on your life when you were younger and you think How stupid was I to think that I had stressed about things so much when I was younger, but the truth of the matter is we all go through different life experiences at different stages at our lives and during any of these stages you can encounter stress.

We cannot always protect children from experiencing stress, but we can teach them to be more resilient to be able to face the stressful situation and deal with it in a way that will release the stress.  We must be able to successfully face challenges that is part of life.

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If a child is placed in constant stressful situation it will have an effect on their well-being.  

A lot of children have never been taught how to deal with stress and will suffer every time it happens.  Eventually they will start getting sick, refuse to go to school or as a whole withdraw from society.

It is your duty as a parent to teach a child that stress is a part of life and there are ways in which we can deal with it.

What stress can a child have?  They are suppose to be just children.

We tend to think that children are young and carefree and what on earth do they have to stress about?  Remember that kids do not have the same life experience as an adult or the same coping skills and certain things that you will just handle in your stride, will cause them a lot of stress.

                              

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A few examples of things that can influence children negatively and cause stress 

• there is a new baby in the house and they are suddenly not the only one that gets attention
• parents are fighting or talking about getting a divorce
• the actual divorce can cause a lot of stress - suddenly a child does not have both parents with him every day, sometimes they have to choose where they want to live and they can be scared that they are letting one of the parents down or he/she feels the divorce is because of them
• one of the parents are sick or in hospital
• he/she has to go to a new school or has been moved around a lot and has to make new friends every time they go to a new school - they can get the feeling that they do not belong anywhere
• watching the news on floods or fires in an area or living in the area where this is taking place
• being in a car accident
• their friends being mean to them
• having a break-up with their girl/boyfriend
• being abused and they do not know who they can trust to talk to

and so the list continues - it can even sometimes be less major incidents like having a fight with a friend/sibling, forgetting to do homework, getting a bad report card etc.

What can you as a parent do to help in stressful times/situations?

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It is very important that a child feels loved and wanted.  Trying to cope with a situation is bad enough, he/she needs to feel that they are wanted at home and they can talk to their parents any time they need to.  It is also fine if a child becomes attached and trust another adult besides his/her parents.  It does not mean he/she values their parents less, it is just a case of at that specific moment they identify more with somebody else.  Do not be jealous of this relationship, rather be glad that your child has people he/she can trust.

If your child is still small and they want a comforter like a dummy or a blanket or a teddy, allow them to have it.  They will eventually let go again if they feel more confident in themselves and feel they can handle the situation better.

Spend time with your child and build his/her self-esteem.  Tell them you are proud of them for how they are handling a situation and reassure them that you are there for them.  Do not only use your words but also show them through your actions.  Listen to what your child has to say and do not (even if you think it) make a situation off as stupid or not worth stressing over - your child is stressed over it, so try and understand.

Children need to be able to start sorting out more of their own problems as they grow older - make sure you are there for guidance but ask their opinions and what they think the solution can be.  The older they get the more responsibilities you can give them so that they can learn to manage it and cope in certain ways.

If the stress is caused because of problems between parents or other adults, your child must be kept out of this scenario. Do not fight in front of them or belittle one another or discuss your financial problems.  Certain thing are not meant for kids to hear or to stress about - we need to try and protect our kids and keep them being kids as long as we can.

You can have certain rituals in your house like celebrating birthdays or reading your child a story every night before he/she goes to bed, ask about their day and eat dinner together every night.  All these rituals will give your child a sense of belonging and make them feel safe and that you are there when needed.

Just have some fun.  Get away for a day from the normal routines.  Take a road trip, go on a picnic, walk on the beach, take a hike and in that time you talk about fun things and just leave the stress at home for a while.

                                         

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If you teach your child that they can do things they put their mind to, they can solve problems and they can make a difference in their own as well as other's lives and they are worthwhile, unique beings with a lot to offer and that you love them just the way they are and they have people around them that will help them and keep them safe, your child's stress will be much less.