UNDERSTANDING THE SINGLENESS AND ALONENESS MYSTERY

It’s quite pitiable that our present society has made life unbearable for many single men and women to such an extent that a single man or woman becomes ready to do anything just to either get married or feel married. The society today makes one look unsuccessful if not married as though it is a do or die affair. People no longer get married because they feel they NEED to get married nowadays; they tend to marry for the fear or pressure from the society, friends, relatives and sometimes the church. People now dread to be called and known as a single man and woman having grown past a certain age.

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On the side of the parents, some make their children feel that it is a curse to remain single after reaching a certain age in life. They urge them to seize and grab any opportunity of marriage that comes their way but they fail to forget that too much unnecessary pressure could cause one to settle for the wrong partner, which could turn out to be very detrimental.

Pastors too and church leaders, sometimes join the society in pressurizing some single fellows. For the most part, they preach and teach that being single is to be incomplete and that life really begins for you when married. Marriage or no marriage, one can still be successful in life after all, many great men in the Bible never married.

Owing to all of these, people tend to see marriage as a key to personal fulfillment and this to some extent if not all is not scriptural: This I say, in that any marriage that is not being entered into carefully and properly does have the capacity to derail or hinder your fulfillment.

Several people begin to live lives of jealousy, envy and depression as a result of this misconception about marriage. Some go to the point of harbouring bitterness in their hearts towards God because they are still single and yet to be married. Many have difficulties trusting God in other areas of life, while others preoccupy themselves with the task of searching and seeking for a soul mate or partner.

Marriage is then made to become an ambition, target or a goal whose seekers ignore and neglect the most important part of marriage, which is a call and a call by God.

Genesis 2:18 – And God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him, a help meet for him.

It was God who said so, and not man, not the pastor, not the parents. It was not even man who said that it was not good for him to be alone which makes marriage a call my divinity – God! There comes a time when God will say for Himself about a man’s status of aloneness that it is not good and when that time comes, God makes all things beautiful. There would not be room for too much struggle and sampling, dating and even worrying when that God’s time comes. This therefore makes marriage a call by God and not just a vision or an ambition. It is rather a thing of pity that some churches today have been caught up in several arguments as to how to find a soul mate for marriage and how not.

Any man or woman who comes to the understanding of the true mystery and wisdom behind his or her aloneness and then makes the best out of it will not run into fear and anxiety. There is a time when God says, ‘It is good for man to be alone’. It only takes a man who has really been alone and has properly utilized his aloneness to really appreciate marriage when it eventually happens. There are certain things that should happen while you are still single which will not happen when married. There are also certain achievements that you can and need to make while in your single days. There are things God must build and develop in your life when you are alone implying that God will not do certain things for you when you get married or not truly single.

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To be single is definitely not a curse rather a gift from God. God never made Adam a wife from the beginning; he was once a single man. To be single is not also to be incomplete; don’t be deceived by anyone. The only incompleteness is the absence of JESUS in one’s life. Singleness really does not mean to be unmarried alone; this term has been adopted due to ignorance and circumstances of limited exposure that we found ourselves in.

Celebrate your single and make the most out it. Do not let the world toss you about and make feel incomplete and unsuccessful. When your time comes, you will never walk down the aisle. God bless you!

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