5 WARNING TIPS FOR STEEMIANS STORMING UYO’S STACH LAUNCH
On January 20, tomorrow precisely all roads lead to Uyo, the capital city of Akwa-Ibom state, Nigeria. Since a combination of statistics and testimonies have anointed Uyo as the fastest growing Steemit community in Nigeria, @ejemai’s decision to set up another Steem Accelerator Hub in this hidden paradise comes as a little surprise. We the Steemit Uyo community appreciate your efforts sir.
As the colourful city gets all bubbly and ready to welcome Nigerians and if possible, other nationals to this grand launching, it is important that all who plan to be there heed to these tips.
THROW AWAY ALL HIGH DENOMINATION NAIRA NOTES
Do not carry anything higher than N200 note should you desire swift exchange of cash for goods at the local kiosk attached to the lodge you’d be staying. This situation is one of the reasons some people rooted for the All Progressive Congress party to win the state’s governorship seat. At least they promised “change” however ambiguous that meant. Should you fail to harken unto my voice, do not be surprised when the first phrase you hear on stepping down from your flight, bus or keke turns out to be “change ibaha”, meaning “there is no change”.
Maybe it is the wide disparity between the rich and the poor, whatever but till the Steem community touches enough proles and powers them up with some SBDs, please let go of your high handed fiat.
BE READY TO SLEEP EARLY
Especially for Lagosians, over here we sleep early. You see that habit of tossing around 11pm looking for where to buy emergency condom? Forget it. You will meet a grave yard with a deafening sound of silence like you are the only one awake at that “supposed” ungodly hour.
If you have any dance lessons planned for the night then listen to what the prophet is saying and get that CD like an experienced crypto dealer amasses airdrop tokens. Early!
IF YOU DON’T PASS THROUGH PLAZA, CALL 911
They call it Ibom Plaza, the city’s center, nerve, heart you name it. Especially for trips above the range of 10 minutes, wherever it is you plan to commute to, make sure the vehicle passes through this point.
That’s the only way to know if you’re still in Uyo. Any legitimate route damn well registers Plaza on its Google map. In fact it is a sacred tradition of the land.
Otherwise dial Nigerian Police’s emergency number or… who am I kidding? Just watch and pray for the lord continually delivers his children from all danger. For the atheist, try the famous Flying Spaghetti Monster. You can never tell with these deities.
COMMIT YOUR FIANCEE TO A BLOOD COVENANT
You remember those Nollywood movies where Obinna and Nkechi take turns in dipping a needle into their thumbs, swearing by Amadioha to remain faithful to each other? Good. Re-enact that with your sweetheart before jetting off.
Not to brag but man can’t think of another state with ladies possessing a higher number of yards when it comes to measuring wife materials across Nigeria. They say the beautiful ones are yet to be born but that theory doesn’t work in Uyo. They are being given birth to every day.
Male members of the National Youth Service Corp never shy away from expressing their shock at how the words reasonable, lovely and non-demanding can be used to describe a girl existing in a contemporary Nigerian society. If in doubt visit their Facebook groups. The evidence will speak for itself.
Throw in the fact that they have the best culinary skills and boy do you have a complete package. They are masters at cooking the kind of soup that will make you forget to call your baby “sweet-sweet, honey, my beloved. Instead, you’d go like “Oluwabunmi! What is it?”
So dear brother if you want your expectations not to be cut off please do the needful because I am sorry but your brain won’t work once you land in Uyo.
ONE LAST TIP
Whatever the destination or route you ply with taxi, mini bus or tricycle (keke), I beseech thee not to pay more than N100. Yep transportation ado cheap. @kekegist make sure you monitor the situation. We detest any news of swindling, cheating or stealing. Roger and over!
To all gang of Steemians from Ibadan, Abuja, Lagos, Enugu and Port-Harcourt booking the next available flight to the Land of Promise I say Ameyong! Welcome!
STACH awaits you!
ImageSources: #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6
References: 1
STACH is a physical Accelerator Hub dedicated to decentralizing the offline by breaking the barriers to accessing the internet like light, internet and conducive working space. They help community leaders think outside the box in a bid to create opportunities for their various communities.
You can support their work by delegating Steem Power to @stach to enable them reward these users for using their 'gift'.
Haha this really cracked me up, didnt even know we had @kekegist on steemit lehme goan see
Hehe... Thanks for stopping by aunty Funke. Would be nice to meet you at the launch.
These tips are presented in a funny way, I can't stop laughing 😁😁, but hey, they are soo true, especially "change ibaha"😁😁
😁 If you know, you know. Thanks for dropping by sis.
lmaoooo hahha. @ejemai and @stach are doing a great work. you guys are lucky to have him in your midst
Yes we really are
I almost peed my pants.... 'Oluwabunmi' killed me! Bravo Holytree, these tips definitely would have come in handy
Sure they will 👌👌
Brilliantly written @holybranches, following you now.
Thanks @drsinmongwong. Glad you liked it. BTW, your blog is rich and interesting. Already bookmarked those series of "15 Powerful Persuasive Tips..."
This is amazing stuff! If only I were a curator or a whale
Hehe... It's our prayer
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