“She is overtired Robert. Let me.” She lay down next to her and wrapped her in her arms. As she lay within the comfort of Dommi’s arms and love, her sobs turned into a soft sigh. She undid Dommi’s blouse and put her mouth to her nipple. Suckling like a baby she fell asleep. So as not to wake her, we lay in our clothing, wrapping her in our love, and fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty Four
Our life returned to its routine, not that most people would consider it routine. There have been a small amount of misunderstandings and tears, far more than should be considered normal for us (because of our still adapting to changes), but the amount of love that exists in our house would have been unbelievable to anyone else.
What I found disturbing is that not once did Cherine and Dommi cause each other pain. Any tears shed were usually by Cherine because of me. At times I was very tempted to give up on trying to discipline her and teach her how to use her empathy, rather than the other gifts it has awoken in her, for I also fear what I am doing. I have always ached to be the one responsible for her growing up with a happy childhood behind her and the self-confidence that grows from being loved. For some reason she keeps on provoking me in little ways, as if challenging me and when I react, then I am the monster who makes her cry. Dommi has no words of advice and only tells me she will grow out of it. If I’m facing these kind of problems from now, how am I going to handle her years of being a teenager?
I did notice an increase in visits by Themi. He has been instrumental in smoothing out a few trivial problems we had, happily a few between Cherine and I, but we are finding a strange reluctance growing among us to discuss our private problems with him. If something bothers me in the way I am behaving, I try to discuss it, but find I then have to explain too much about why my behaviour is not acceptable. As in the majority of cases, my problems are due to my need to adapt to our own evolving relationships, which are difficult to explain and I feel I will be betraying too much of our private family life to an outsider. I might have managed to hold such discussions with Alki, but Themi, despite the important role he has played in our growth and safety and his acceptance by Cherine, does not occupy the same space in our hearts. The girls admitted they feel the same. It makes us feel we are being very ungrateful, but we cannot help it.
He made it even more difficult for us as he began to spend more time questioning us about our abilities, could I for instance describe how I contact my healing/protector power. How long does it take to respond; what do I feel is happening in me as it responds. Hundreds of questions and none were clarifying anything for me, though some of them did help me realise I need to give them more thought, or that the three of us must.
For some reason he does not question Cherine very much. We realised though, to our surprise, that he is spending more and more time with Dommi. I wondered why he is concentrating on her, the ‘weakest’ member of our circle - at least that is how I presumed he would see it. I began to have cynical thoughts, coming to conclusions which I doubt have any truth, for instance, that he is more interested in asking questions for a book he is writing, than in genuinely trying to help us solve our problems and grow.
Towards the middle of May I wanted to plan a day just for Cherine and I. It will be our first anniversary on the 30th of May since she dared to beard me in my garden. Dommi has been handling any insecurities she may have felt so successfully, I was loth to create any causes for them to re-surface, so I waited. The problem was that I am feeling nostalgic for those days. The sweetness of our discovering each other, the total devotion to her alone. Even, on what may sound as a coarser note, the surprising discovery of the unexpected beauty of her immature body. I find I have been wondering about that side of things more and more, some of the justifications no longer able to mask some of the less acceptable truths I have been evading.
I started off by meaning to tease. “Cherine I think you have turned me into a paedophile. I never before yearned so much for the particular beauty and innocence of childhood. I am constantly aware that you are growing up, you will soon begin to blossom into womanhood and I will have lost my child lover forever.”
Deliberately Dommi asked me, “Do you think once she has changed, you can find what you miss in some other child-love?”
“No, it is my Cherine I do not want to miss. I know I will rejoice in her development and every stage will have its own beauty. It’s just that, when I find myself treasuring her childish form, her size, her unbearably sweet scents, I sense a sort of panic that I will one day only have all this as a memory.”
Dommi tried to comfort me, “That means you are not really a paedophile, you are just in love. You fear to lose what you love. I know what you are talking about, though I am not so obsessed by it. I know that every change in her will be part of the Cherine I love. What brought this on Robert?”
“It will soon be the first anniversary of the day I met her. Just being flooded with memories I guess, what a sweetness it was discovering how special a girl she was. Sorry that sounds wrong, she is even more special now. Don’t mind me, just getting old I suppose.”
Dommi smiled, her eyes now warm with love. “You are allowed to. Life must have been so much simpler in those days, you have been through such a lot, you have had to change so much. Poor Roberto!” she laughed.
I chickened out. No way I could ask to have the day alone with Cherine.
I tried to follow the suggestion of Themi. I spent a lot of my free time trying to contact the healing power so as to communicate with it. For all purposes it may as well have not existed. There was no way to get a response without some urgent need for it. I prayed I would not need it for a long time.
I refused to give up though and brought about the next change without planning it. I began to learn to enter my own mind. I found myself regressing to my childhood, and able now to see what the child saw through the eyes of an adult, I started to question all I had previously accepted. I kept returning to that day my father told me my mother has died. I returned to daily life scenes, to noises I had heard before that. What I had not understood then began to alter and bits and pieces started to fall into place. I could not be sure it was not my imagination, that I was not giving interpretations I wished, to matters long gone.
“So, what do you guys think, am I going crazy?”
Dommi asked, “How can you find out? So many years have gone by.”
“I do not know, all I know is that I will not rest easy knowing she might still be out there. I need to hear from her why she left me.”
Cherine said, “I think you should ask pappou Alki, he will know what to do.”
“Might be the best suggestion of all love. How would both of you feel if I was to suddenly have another woman in my life? If she even wants to know me…”
Dommi interrupted me, “Roberto, I think it does not matter so much what you do to find out, as long as you do something. Not doing anything is unhealthy and will harm you. Go and see Alki.”
“I’ll wait. He is going to come over any day.”
Dommi pulled a face, we could sense she felt guilty, “Themi is coming to visit us tomorrow, do you mind if I’m not here during his visit.”
Concerned I asked, “He’s getting to you Dommi?”
“I don’t know why, he is such a sweet guy. I’m beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable because of his questions and tests he wants me to try. Every time he has a new one.”
I nodded, “I have been watching. You want to know something strange? I get the impression the protector is also watching. I wonder what is worrying it.”
Cherine suddenly piped up, her voice slightly anxious, “Robert, will you mind very much if I tell you something, I’ve wanted to for a long time, but I am worried you might get upset with me.”
“Cherine my heart, how can you upset me?”
I sensed she was still nervous. “You will think I’m just a little girl and I should not be telling you how to think.”
I grinned at her. “Since when has that worried you…oh, I suppose this is something sensitive?”
“I don’t know. You are making the same mistake I made when I was very young. When I was still small, I started thinking of my emoting as a power that was not me, it was something different, something else in me. Specially when I talked to my daddy about it.”
“Hmm. Good point. I wonder if that could be it. If it is, no wonder I’ve been failing.”
Now they both wanted to be told what I am trying. I told them. Leaving out the bit of his theory about living so long. They got excited. I began to talk aloud.
“I remember a story I read about a mother picking up a car that had run over her child, there are a number of such anecdotes. For instance, during an epidemic, if the children get sick, the mother stays healthy at least until they recover. There are fathers who were farmers or shopkeepers, not warriors, who attacked superior numbers to save their families. Could this power of mine be similar? A side of my nature every human has, except your abilities Cherine, awakened and strengthened it. It will have been only natural for me to give it a form, a sort of identity which perhaps made it impossible for me to communicate with it.” I stopped to think and frowned. “When people say something took them over and they committed a crime, maybe a murder, they are doing the same. It is just a part of themselves they lost control of. Thank god I don’t have that sort of power loose in me. Thank you Cherine, I’m going to find a way now, I’m sure.”
Without thinking about it I relaxed, settling back and closed my eyes. Cherine immediately guessed and was waiting for me, dancing in joy. I could hear her calling Dommi so was not unprepared when she appeared. I still cannot believe the fairy delicacy of her translucent veils, a far more beautiful and intricate version of the aurora borealis; shimmering in a glow like flames, with golden stardust. Colours streaked amongst her flow as she approached. After we danced a greeting again, the two of them moved back. I sensed them waiting, watching, in case I should need them. I tumbled over to show my laughter.
I called it to me. I did so in the way we tell our arm to move. It was there. I brought it to me and slowly absorbed it, growing and yet keeping it as the arm, a separate part of the body of my mind. What would be the point of absorbing my limbs into my body. Limbless I would be crippled. As I absorbed I also tried to make myself familiar with it. I wanted it to be what Alki suggested. I looked for its abilities and found I cannot comprehend it. It just is, I will have to learn to flex it to see what it can do.
As I became aware of my soul-mates once more, I saw they were edging closer, violently shimmering in the grip of some powerful emotion. I was dismayed to find I could not read their emoting, but that did not prevent them from affecting me, unbalancing me emotionally. I streaked across and beyond them so fast I must have seemed to disappear, returning in a huge arc. I sent a flame stretching out, reaching to mingle with their outer edges. After the exchange which still left me mute, but feeling loved, I fled back into my body.
“Now I am the protector, the healer. For a moment I also panicked when I realised I had lost contact with you. I can see you are worried my love, please don’t be. Let’s go back to using our heads. Haven’t you noticed, every time something happens, I manage to develop, grow, I lose contact with you and withdraw into myself. We go through hell, and now I see, without reason. Give me a while and all will return. What about that time I used the healer to break through my blockage of you? I could still use that if necessary. Sorry, I know I am being a pain, but I am so happy I can hardly contain myself, I feel like shooting off like a comet again.” I was grinning so widely they had to giggle at me.
“Robert, it hurts to be cut off like this.” At the word I reacted, without needing to think. The cobwebs parted and I was in both of them, a part of all I treasure. With a glad cry Cherine fell into my arms and was soon asleep.
I was burning, in a fever of lust and passions. I looked at my baby and forced it down, calming myself. I knew she will be ready for me soon. Dommi sat watching me, cowed by her own thoughts, not trying to make conversation. I left her to her thoughts. As long as I do not detect pain, she has some right to her mental privacy. Whatever it was, it was growing, blazing from her.
Cherine woke up grinning. She could sense the flames I had banked. She put her hand to Dommi. They both got up and wordlessly, not letting a thought slip, stood in front of me. They both came to their knees and I saw their eyes were brimming.
“Oh Robert, you were magnificent! When you became one with yourself you became a creature of light of such incredible strength and beauty. I don’t know whether you were a real god, but you looked like on!.”
I wasn’t quite certain how I should react, partly because I could not believe anything so wonderful about myself, but then I pulled them both to me. “I am and will always only be a man, however powerful I should become, I will also always remain weak, vulnerable to your love. The only time I become a god is when I am part of you both.” I held them tightly for a moment and then I burst out laughing. “That is my lot. I saw you both, so incredibly beautiful, I felt drab. So I dress myself up and I just know you are going to come back to me dressed in such finery that I will look drab and coarse again.”
Cherine smiled and nodded. “She doesn’t understand. Dommi he is talking about you. When you are all of you, you are going to be like some splendid star from heaven. You are already so beautiful it frightens me to think what you will be like and how it will make me feel.”
“No Cherine, I said both of you. Did you really think you have achieved your potential, found all of yourself. I think I can see some of what is/are the parts Dommi will find, but you, all I can see is that you are not nearly complete yet.”
“What are the parts Roberto?”
I grinned. “It’s never that easy baby. When you are ready you will know.”
Dommi tossed her head, exasperated. “But I want to know. You have to tell me.”
“No. Telling you might actually be counter-productive, inhibiting the blossoming of your changes. All I will tell you is that it is already a strong part of your personality, your make up, and it is beautiful.”
I was careful, very careful not to use my new limb. I felt I must practice on my own. When I told them, Cherine laughed. “Do you really think you could do anything to hurt us?”
“That would sound incredibly cheeky, even for you Cherine, if it was not so true.” I gave her a pinch, just to prove us wrong. She is rarely influenced by such subtleties and only gave me that magical smile of hers. “One day I am going to go into that head of yours and find out what that smile means.”
“That would be very silly of you Roberto.” Dommi said.
“I was only kidding. You are right, I would only spoil it for myself.”
Cherine withdrew into herself and I could sense she was trying to find the nerve to say something - I was not certain to who. Suddenly Cherine said, “Dommi, I need a very big favour. Promise you won’t get upset?”
“Why would I get upset Cherine. I’m glad you need a favour.”
“I need to have a little time alone with Robert for our anniversary. You are upset!” Cherine and I felt the sadness she was trying to hide from us.
“I can’t pretend can I? I am not sad because of what you asked me baby. I am sad because of Robert. He tried to ask me and I was too stupid to understand. Roberto, if you really loved me as much as Cherine does, you would not have been afraid to ask me.”
I wish I could understand how come I am the one who always ends up in the dog box. Cherine asked me in her mind only, how much do I love Dommi. I looked at my love and my heart was full of love and remorse. Cherine grabbed it and sent it to Dommi.
“That was only from him. Do you want me to add mine also?”
Her eyes were full of tears and as one began to trickle down she shook her head. I took her hands in mine, hoping my eyes spoke to her of my love as I tried to explain. “My love, it is not my love that is lacking. Can’t you see yet, if I think of something which might hurt you, I can’t do it. I only have to feel there might be a small possibility I will give you pain and I cannot do it. Do you think I want to be like this. If either of you get annoyed with me, you tell me. Most of the times I can’t. If you want something I don’t, you’ll push me to do what you want. I can’t.” My anguish was real. I felt I had betrayed her. I had not protected her from being hurt. Her tears were burning my heart.
They both were crying now as they felt me. For the first time they had felt what my role as protector/healer is costing me. At this awkward moment Alki arrived. He walked in to a room of crying people. The two girls held him, and now having a sympathetic shoulder they let themselves go, sobbing their hearts out. Their pain was multiplied within me, beyond anything they were actually feeling. Having my own pain and adding to that their pain, was tearing into me. The need to enter them, take their pain, was a wild animal, biting and scratching to be let out. I held on to it for dear life. I do not have the right to do this to them.
In it’s desperate need it pulled me out of my body. I saw bright flames try to escape from within me and ruthlessly, despite the pain they caused me, I clung to them, forcing them to return. It was like having my fists rebel and hit me in the face, in all the soft and tender parts of my body. All I had was my knowledge of what is right for the girls, my love for them, my willpower.
I’d forgotten the girls were monitoring me and feeling my agony. If I had remembered I might have not kept my word to Cherine, that I would never block her from my pain again. They were suddenly blazing as they sped to me in the void. They both flung themselves at me and we merged.
We did not become the Kaleidoscope World entity. I just felt the power of a mother’s love soothing me and Cherine, once she understood, showed me where the knots, locks were. She helped me open myself and become one within myself. Powered by their love I would have been able to tame the unreasoning beast within me, but I pulled back. I did not want that. They sensed me and both queried me with concern. I promised to explain, but told them we now have to return, we have left Alki with three bodies and he must be sick with worry. We allowed ourselves but a moment of the sweetness that permeated us from being almost one and we returned.
Alki was frantic, his mind conjuring all kinds of fearful scenarios. As he saw us return, open our eyes, he waited fearfully, not knowing what could have happened. We, all three, soothed him and filled him with our love. He sensed the tenderness of Dommi, her mothering caress of his heart. A yearning of the child long buried in him rose to her. She held it tenderly and flooded it with her love. When we were able to release him he was crying, tears of happiness rolling onto his unshaved cheeks. The girls put their arms around him. It took a while for the storm of emotions to subside. When we could, we explained to him what had happened and I was pleased to see him happy.
“So Roberto, you are growing up, becoming a true leader of your nation - as you put it. I am pleased. If you had listened to these two children it would have been very bad. You may need that beast one day, I am proud of you.” The girls protested, upset, so he tried to explain in more detail. “Roberto sees further than you. His responsibilities make him do so, they prevent him from indulging his and your fears. There could be a day you all need that unreasoning part of his power to lash out without fear, for your protection. If he has total control over it, if he fears or his civilised restraints cause a delay in his protecting you, he will have failed you as your protector; it must remain semi-independent. You girls are also right. It is not right that Roberto suffer all the time just in case you need him as your protector. I think it is you girls who need to grow now.
I do not suggest you steal from Robert that which he treasures, the child in you, but perhaps you must both exercise your gift of empathy - with regard to Robert? Try to understand what drives him so that you do not force so many conflicting needs in him. Roberto, you are not a very good husband. You have not taught your wives that they should be hospitable and offer your guests coffee? You frighten me to go to my grave early and then you do not even offer me a coffee to help me recover!”
He got the reaction he probably foresaw, the releasing healing of laughter, but he also got his coffee.
Finally Alki found the courage to ask, his voice awed, “That was you Dominique wasn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You are the one who is the mother, that called to the child in me and loved it?”
Her eyes wide she nodded. “Robert, is that what you meant? What you said is my strongest part? That was it!?”
“Yes my love.”
She looked like she was going to burst into tears. “But I do not want to be mother to you and Cherine! I want to be your wife.”
I soothed her, “It is only part of your love for us. Every woman who deeply loves her husband tends to mother him also. The only difference with us is you are able to heal the child in us and…you also have a wife to mother. Not sure how she will feel about it once she becomes a teenager and rebels.” I gave a big grin as Cherine responded to my pressing her buttons.
“What makes you think you know what I will be like as a teenager!” She turned to Dommi, “I would never rebel against you loving me. But,” she hesitated, then added rebelliously, “I still want one day alone with Rob.”
“Just for that you will not have it. Your first punishment and you deserve it.”
“I hate being called Rob and you know it.”
Our conversation carried on, a mixture of seriousness and gentle kidding. That was when Cherine dropped her bombshell. Alki had just suggested we talk with Themi and I had refused. Maybe to cover the awkward silence she piped in, “Did you know that the family who live next to us left last month. They were very unhappy about being forced to move.”
For a moment it was just a piece of gossip, but luckily, Alki got curious. “How were they forced? You mean the bank foreclosed…took the house from them?”
“No, I think they were paid a lot of money, too much to refuse. Then some people moved in…I don’t like them, so I don’t listen to them.”
I still did not react, too full of our own problems but the protector was stirring. Almost involuntarily I asked. “Check now please.”
We watched as doing so her face paled. She asked me in my mind to talk, say something.
“Alki has had his coffee and probably now wants a whiskey, I also think you girls deserve a nice thick milkshake. Shall we go out?”
Cherine sent to me, *They are listening to us. I heard your voice in them.*
*Tell me there is nothing to check and you want a milkshake.*
Her voice shook, “No, I can’t feel anything. Can I choose a Baked Alaska?” That sort of told them exactly where we are going, the Eidelweiss, but I did not mind.
“Of course love. Shall we go?” I nodded to Alki to show him we must go. Perceptively he played along, saying it will be his treat.
The girls felt the protector now as it flowed from me, surrounding us. The awe in their eyes betrayed me to Alki. I felt him tremble as my hand rested on his shoulder. Once we were in the car and had driven off, he blurted out. “You people are frightening me. Even with the abilities the girls have, I saw them looking at you in awe. It must be something of such power I cannot even imagine for them to feel like that.”
“Not frightening Alki, just new. They saw/felt the protector enfold us. That’s all.” I smiled at him, to reassure him.
He threw up his hands, letting the car steer itself. “That’s all(!!!) he says!” We were all so tense that his melodramatic reaction caused hysterical laughter.
I first let the girls enjoy their sweets, keeping the conversation on mundane matters, school, work and so on. A friend of Dominique came by, wanting to be introduced. When she had left, I spoke to the girls in a mixture of emoting, feelings and to Cherine, telepathically, words. I needed to be certain our spoken words would not be overheard. The protector I felt can handle people, but I was worried about microphones. I asked they add whatever blanketing they can. Cherine gave her lovely mysterious smile and told Dommi to relax. The sign of the shop was about fifteen metres from us. It suddenly made a popping sound and went out. She lifted her one eyebrow with a cheeky look. I mouthed the words, ‘I love you’.
The protector knew what I wanted and found the way to achieve it. We were enveloped in silence.
“Alki, what do you think? I first thought it might be the press, but they would not force the owners out or pay so much that even a fairly wealthy man has to give in. It must be some government agency. If it is, we are in big trouble. We have been talking openly about our abilities - even today, we explained about the protector to you.” My misery must have been evident on my face. “I’ve let the girls down. What a protector I’ve been!”
Alki tried to strengthen me. “If you waste your energy on blaming yourself for things you could not have foreseen, it will not help solve the problem, only make things worse. We must stay calm and concentrate.”
“He can’t help it pappou. He is always to blame for everything. That is why me and Dommi have to be the strong ones.” Cherine was trying to provoke me, but her cheeky face only made me swell with love. I looked at Dommi, she was being very silent. She gave me a weak smile.
“I’m frightened Roberto.”
I emoted a feeling of confidence for her. “We all are love, but we are not totally helpless. I am only trying to find a way to solve the problem that will allow us to continue living our lives in the way we’ve been living it. I do not want to have to leave Greece and our new home, our lives are here. Be brave my love, I won’t let you down, I promise.” I was very grateful she could not feel the bravado behind my words and Cherine was kind enough to keep it to herself. I could not sense any fear in her. All that mattered to her was that the three of us be together and she was confident I would be able to take care of her.
Alki pondered aloud, “There have been many reports about the Soviet Union and the Americans experimenting with paranormal talents for use in warfare and spying. Greece does not have any department to handle such phenomenon, but we are in constant danger of finding ourselves at war with Turkey. We need any advantage we can gain to counter their superior size and arsenal. Yes, if it is a Greek agency, I can see why they would be interested in you. What brought their attention to you three though?”
Dommi surprised me by saying, “I do not think it was the ‘angel’ story. Something else is going on, I feel it.”
“I agree Dommi. Does it really matter though, Alki?”
“Roberto, it does,” Dommi cut in, “If it is Nicko, then it does matter to me.”
I felt a warning from the protector. I looked up and saw a van parking, illegally, on the pavement, not far from us. Cherine sensed my interest in it and gave me a lopsided look and suddenly there was activity in the van, it rocked as the backdoor opened and two men emerged. Behind them a cloud of smoke followed them. Cherine stuck out her tongue at me.
Alki saw the by-play and realised what had happened. Disbelieving and afraid, he shook his head. “Careful please. The more you do the more interested or frightened they will become. Please don’t provoke them by confirming their suspicions, we must try to lull them, convince them they are wasting their time and resources.”
Cherine was chagrined and felt frightened that she had done something wrong. I wrapped her in reassurance and explained, directly in her mind, I wanted her to do what she had done. If it was a mistake it was mine.
“Alki, we must return to our homes, as you said, we must carry on with our lives as normal. Before we leave, we need to make a plan on how to contact you should we have to take evasive action and go into hiding.”
He nodded in agreement, “You can contact Themi, he would...”
I cut him short, “No. If even Nicko is a suspect in this, so is Themi. He has been spending too many hours interrogating us on how our gifts work - especially Dominique.”
Alki was about to protest then decided not to speak.
“Alki, thank you. You are keeping silent because you feel it is our lives and we should make our decisions. But please think on this. Themi has spent his life studying the paranormal. He is probably the foremost expert Greece has. What you mentioned about the Greece-Turkey situation, he is also aware of. Can you honestly put your hand to heart and say he would not out of patriotism see this as the opportunity to help his country?”
We all felt the misery as he admitted, “I know he loves our country deeply. Your argument has just cost me a friendly hand in this emergency. I will have to be very careful who I speak to. Roberto you are right, we must play this low-key. I will try to find out who are involved in this in the meantime.”
“Alki, please don’t. None of us know who can be safely approached, it could only worsen the situation. If you want to do something, it is more important you think of a plan for us to instantly disappear without leaving any traces, should it become necessary.”
Cherine sensed how troubled he was, so she sat on his lap. She grinned at him. “I love you pappou. Robert keeps worrying about when I grow up, get bigger. Will you still want me to sit on your lap when I do?”
“Always my love. Though I am getting so old I might have to sit on your lap.”
“Cherine, he is flirting with you. Our pappou is a dirty old man.” Dommi was laughing.
“It took you so long to find out koukla mou? With such lovely girls you expect me not to be? You think I am not human, that I am immune to the two of you?”
Laughing we returned everything to normal and left. At our front door Alki promised to come the next day to collect my new artwork.
We were quiet, each afraid to say anything aloud. I told Cherine aloud to do her homework, she complained and tried to weasel her way out of it. I asked Dommi to keep quiet as I have a lot of work to do and we then went into the bedroom. We found the bugs and disabled them.
Angrily I told them, “This will have to be our safe room. It may be taking a chance, but I am not prepared to allow them to listen to us making love.”
“Were you planning to?” Cherine stuck her hips out and swivelled them at me provocatively. Nothing seems to be able to dampen the spirit of my little love. I could not help thinking that there is nothing more sexy than a pretty little girl being provocative. I knelt and lifting her skirt kissed her panty over her sexy bump. I quickly inhaled her aroma, dizzy with my need for her.
“Anytime my little fire-flower.” I picked her up and held her in my arms, close to my racing heart. With my other arm I held my Dommi. “I certainly need you girls right now.”
She turned around in my arm and kissed me, her lips soft and warm. She lay her head alongside mine and breathed into my ear, “I want you too.” I shivered and Cherine giggled. “Are you going to fuck Dommi first?” She felt my instant anger. “I’m sorry.”
“I do not fuck. I make love. That is not a word that belongs to us. I am going to have to punish you for that.”
Almost cheekily she asked, “How?”
“In the old days they would have washed out your dirty mouth with soap. I think the best punishment for you would be for me to only make love with Dommi.”
“That’s not fair!”
I told Dommi, “I want to be in you, please undress for me, I am not letting this she-cat go.”
I struggled with one hand and helped her take off my trousers and underpants. Still wearing my shirt and socks I climbed on to the bed lying down. Cherine was trying to twist her head to look at me and Dommi. I stopped her. “Your job is to lie quietly without distracting us. You can look at our faces to see how cross we make each other.” She stuck her tongue out at me then ducked in suddenly, putting it in my ear. Before I could react by pulling her away, I felt Dommi climb on me. I called out to her, “I can’t wait for you love. I’m going to come too fast.”
“Come, I want you to.” She did not rock up and down. As I felt myself exploding, Cherine’s little mouth clamped over mine. In my ecstasy I was biting her baby lips and squeezing her so tight her ribs must have been cracking. It was wonderful, just for once, to come without worrying about pleasuring them, just letting my body react at its own speed, according to its own needs.
“Thank you my love. I needed that. Give me a minute, lie down next to me and let me get my breath back. Cherine, let me see your lips.” I could feel the pain.
“You leave them alone. I want to feel this pain.” I held back the healer in me. I too knew how sometimes pain can be an ecstasy.
Dommi was lying alongside me rubbing herself against me. I could feel her urgency. Because of her need she asked me, “Why can’t you use the healer to give you back the energy now?”
Cherine answered her before I could. “Because he does not love himself.”
“What has loving myself got to do with it. Don’t go clamming up on me Cherine. You made a statement so you explain it.”
“You’re cross with me again.” She was right. I stopped the anger and sent her an apology, a picture of me on my knees.
Cherine became upset, hurt. “That is not funny! I don’t like it. Why do you always make fun of me?”
“I’m not love, I’m making fun of me. Now tell me what you meant?”
“You already know the healer and the protector are just parts of you. They only help those you love. As you keep telling us, they don’t help you unless you use us. You do not love yourself, which is why you have to depend on our love for you.” Dommi seemed to have forgotten her sexual needs. She was up on an elbow listening.
“I agree with Cherine. How can you look after us if you do not love yourself.”
They were both right, but I was not certain it was the whole answer. “Sorry girls, it is true. I love you far more than I could love myself. They say the instinct of self-preservation is the strongest instinct in Man. I believe the instinct to preserve those we love deeply is, or should be, stronger. For me at least, it is. Cherine, I am open to suggestions, how do you think I should go about making it possible to heal myself, not that I would use it the way Dommi suggested. I think I should be making love to you because I want to, not because of some power I use.”
Cherine always sees through me. “That is silly. You would only use the healing power in you if you wanted to make love to us, but your body could not.”
“Are you saying Roberto, that if you want to make love to me it only means something if your body is strong enough by natural means. What are natural means? What if you are taking vitamin pills, is the energy you get unnatural?”
I capitulated. “Okay, okay then! I have to admit some of my διαδικασίες της σκέψης (thought processes) are not logical. It does not alter the fact that I cannot make it heal or protect me.”
Cherine exploded. “You can!!”
“Cherine you keep saying that. I’ve tried, bit I still have to do it through you or Dommi. To tell you the truth, I don’t mind. This way I make sure that I always place the two of you ahead of myself. That is how I want it.”
Her little face scrunched up. “I don’t!”
“Tough. I am not going to change the way I feel or think.”
I felt the change in her, a calm determination. “Then I will have to.” My heart sank, I could not see what she meant.
“Are you threatening me?” Dommi made to intervene, but I stopped her.
“Of course not. I mean I’m going to find my own power so that I can look after you silly.” She grabbed Dommi’s hand. “Will you help me? Maybe we can find it in you also.”
“Girls, stop. You are building up your expectations for nothing. I have already told you that both of you have parts of yourself to discover. It does not mean they will be the same as mine.”
“Why not. If it is there, I have to.”
Her obsession with ensuring my safety seemed unreasonable to me - and I felt I do not need anyone to accuse me of being two-faced about it, as my need to protect her is natural, since I am an adult male and she is a little girl.
“Cherine, this is silly. Between us we already have enough powers to protect ourselves. You amazed all of us today when you blew everything up. I don’t even pretend to understand how you did it. Relax my love, you don’t have to worry about me.”
Her face set and determined she turned to Dommi. “Please help me. He refuses to understand if I am the one telling him. If you or I are hurt, he can help us, wherever he is. If he gets hurt we can only help if we are touching him. What if these nasty people take him away and do something bad to Robert. How are we going to help him?” Her face crumbled. “I don’t want to let him die.”
“Roberto, you keep making the same mistake. You tell me it is right for you to make love to her because she is not a normal child, inside she is older than me. Yet you keep forgetting, you keep seeing her as a child. If she is a child in some ways, the truth is she is more intelligent than both of us. She thinks things through and sees the real problem, not the unimportant steps we stop at. Please listen to her, just as you would listen to me or Alki.”
Chastened I sat thinking for a moment. I could see how unfair I have been to her, again and again. My obsession with her safety was blinding me to the real issues. I have to stay alive to be able to help her, them. They felt my mood and both hugged me, with Cherine sobbing her heart out. I held her head to me and let her.
“Robert, talk to her, don’t just leave her crying.” She moved over to soothe her.
“No Dommi. Let her cry. It still makes me happy to hear her crying.”
“What a nasty thing to say!” She was truly shocked and even Cherine raised her head to look at me, though she seemed to be mostly curious.
“I remember how my heart used to break. Every time she was in pain, she just fell asleep. Her crying means she can release the pain, the hurt, it also means she trusts us. What could be sweeter than listening to her cry.’ I tried to use some humour. “Dommi, what about that Greek καντάδα (love song), ‘τι όμορφη που είσαι όταν κλαίς’ (how beautiful you are when you cry).”
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου(Alexander Zenon Eustace)
5th March, 2019
* posted on Steemit: 5th March, 2019