“No wonder he calls the other one a spider. Solomon, if he truly accepts me as a Cherinian it is an honour I do not deserve.”
“My Robbie never accepts anyone as a Cherinian who does not deserve to be one.”
“Thank you, er...”
“I am Rosie his daughter and wife.”
Solomon put his arm around him. “You are receiving shock after shock, perhaps you need to give them time to sing you the song of who they are. When he told us he was considered a criminal on his world for loving children, we were shocked to think we had accepted a criminal as our leader. He did not tell you? He is the leader of our people, the Sparklers and of the race of Ordinx, the Anadir. We have since learnt of what becoming a Cherinian entails and see that it is the laws of your people he spoke of, they cannot be the laws of the Cherinians.”
With one thing and or another, it turned into quite a glorious but traumatic day and night for many of us. The words of Solomon have taken a terrible burden off my heart, one that I did not even realise at times was there. This has given me new courage for facing the Spider, it is difficult to call the kettle black when you are the pot.
I read this diary since we all were stuck here. It started as a love story, the sex scenes were great, not having my Roberto here, I was able to read his words and with just my finger feel all the pleasures he described. I would imagine it was his finger or tongue within my sex, my flower as he loves to call it, and I would explode and come in my panties. The story has changed. It is no longer a love story. All we seem to be doing is facing problems and wars. He never writes anymore of those moments we spend loving each other, of the sex, but also the love and tenderness, how it fills and gives us the feeling of all belonging as a family.
I think I am lucky, those who are born to him, even you our darling daughter, they will never know what it was like to be without someone like him and then to be found by him and brought into this circle of love. To have seen the other extreme, where the heart of a child is torn along with the body, where all dreams are shattered and killed. To know that a short time of being abused and hurt remain, just for providing a plate of food for a family who do not love or care for you, then to have the magic of a Robert come into your life and change it the way he did mine - I am the truly lucky one, not his daughters, not Cherine and Dominique. I and those such as I, Wendy, Theresa and those I know are still to come. - Aganthi
What can I say? I had expected that maybe Cherine would be the next one to place her comments in here, maybe take a few digs at me. I did not expect it to be Aganthi. She has found the words to touch my heart as it has not been for some time now. To love me and then count it as a blessing that she is not my daughter and that she has suffered so much!! My sweet Aganthi, you make my heart weep with happiness that I could be loved by someone like you.
She is right. I have been forgetting that this diary is meant to be the story of love of a group of people who are a family. It seems I wrote more of our sex when I was tortured by the fact that I was making love to children. And then, when it was my own children, it was a way of being a catharsis, of seeing in black and white why it is such a blessing to love, be loved and make love with such special people whose hearts are now part of mine - instead of my solely using the need and compulsions caused by the void to justify what Normals would only see as evil.
I know that I am not just Robert, that I am the protector too and the strongest urge (after my love for them) is my need to protect them. Facing a danger which threatens them makes that side of me take over and it seems all I am able to do is describe the events where I have had to face the terror of possibly losing them. That too is a catharsis my sweet Aganthi, the writing of it helps clear my heart of the fear and fill me with determination to ensure that you are all able to be by my side for all eternity. I will return to my description of the events that are shaping our lives right now, but I promise I will not forget our moments of loving too.
It has been a strange few days. For most of us it has been as if living amongst zombies. It is mostly the men, Alki, Themi, Tasso, Savva, Michaeli and Perikli They are concentrating on their doppelgangers as they go to work or negotiate deals and so forth. Unfortunately our doctor, Maria, found she is not as effective as she cannot sense her patients directly, so she has posted a message that she will be away on holiday for a few months.
Alki says that he is happier working this way, for he can look up and see his beloved Marian and his children whenever he wishes and yet still concentrate on making money, which is something he enjoys doing very much. Keith sits doodling on papers and is deep in thoughts that none of us understand. We sense an excitement in him, but he is not willing to speak of it yet.
I tried an experiment that was an abysmal failure. I created my doppelganger and set it before my computer and tried to use it to paint a picture. I won’t be trying that again.
Keith is still a wonder to me. A man who I respect, but do not fully understand. The love he has for his Annabelle has deepened and grown, as has hers for him. They have grown so close I do not see how they will ever expand their circle unless they have a child. They seem to be more than happy to stay as they are for the time being.
The girls teased him about the double of Annabelle kissing me, saying he is lucky I did not make love to her as she had the appearance of a little Annabelle of nine and was extremely sexy. He answered in all earnestness that he would not have minded, as long as it was not his actual Annabelle. Then he got a strange look on his face and asked Cherine what would happen if she did and got pregnant by me. Would the double be able to have my child? That theoretical possibility has raised a whole new can of worms and there have been some very heated discussions about the issue. At least we agree on one thing: anybody uses his doppelganger to commit a crime, is fully guilty, not the doppelganger. I consider this an important rule.
On a more personal note. I still keep on expecting my girls to want another man, after all, surely they must be getting bored with my style of loving. Yet, when it was suggested that they could use their doubles to make love to other men without being unfaithful to me, they were angry, claiming that neither were they interested, nor did they think that by doing so they would not be unfaithful. It has been some time since a new gift has stirred such strong controversy. I am very careful to stay out of most such discussions and refuse to let them draw me in.
None of the doubles has been attacked yet. As the days draw out into weeks it is creating a false sense of security. Only a few of us are not growing complacent and are vigilant, expecting the worst.
At least we have had the time for taking Perikli to the void. He was fascinated, danced without fear and shared motes with all. He was pleased to be invited to our World and spent some time both talking with Adam and Josephine. She seems to like him a lot and her sometimes bubbly personality seems to have charmed him. I wonder how that could develop with her a soul without a body? Perhaps in a next life for both of them? He also spent time with Ordinx and Solomon. He is only the second amongst us to have accepted green motes for communicating with them and is thinking of doing as I did, meeting with Solomon in the centre of his people, upon that non-existent shore, where Katerina recently had her amazing experiences.
We all now carry a Sparkler within us. It seems to be residing somewhere within the chest and gives off a feeling of a warm tingling buzz. With time though, I am tending to forget it is there. They do not enjoy being in our doubles and have to exchange more often, staying for only a short period of a day or two. It seems the absence of a soul disturbs them. Those within us seem to last about three weeks.
If I give the impression that I spend my time walking around anxiously waiting for an attack, I apologise. That is unfortunately not the way my mind works. I spend time creating new works for Alki; the company being fairly small he has kept it, so that Keith and I may continue to have a work permit and stay in Greece.
I also have found my time in discussions with Charlie and Wing very rewarding. Charlie has the knack of simplifying philosophies and making them relevant to ordinary people who have not given such matters much thought. When I told him I was glad I had not been brought up under such teachings for they would have coloured my attitude to Cherine and the growth of our gifts, he was not offended; I think he understood and was willing to agree that it was probably for the best. It was also good I talked with them, for I was able to calm them about the financial aspects as they both thought they are out of work now.
As we have achieved a modicum of calm (έχουμε επιτύχει ένα ελάχιστο της ηρεμίας), so have our days and nights become filled with beauty. Having the three Wendies and Lua together, their singing and dancing has brought a sense of magic back into our lives. Solomon and Ordinx will abandon any discussion at the first sounds of their singing, even if they are just practising the harmonisation of their voices. It caused some embarrassment in the beginning, for the girls were aware that whatever these two heard they were taking back to their people. Now they just ignore them and since the talents are also growing in Candy and the other Wendy, there are very few rough patches anymore.
This is a very strange way to be conducting a war and people like Socrati and Jonathan cannot understand it. They keep expecting me to do something, attack and annihilate the enemy probably. I do not mind their attitude, it just seems weird to have those two seeing eye to eye.
Perikli has become very popular, not only with all the Cherinians but especially with my girls. He has spent time with Dommi teaching her to cook, and she is now getting the knack of it. I have asked the other girls to learn also, they must not expect Dommi to be their servant and we have to share the drudgery of keeping a home. Of course they wanted to know what I would be doing, but after the teasing they all began to pitch in. It seems Bernie is showing a talent for making pastries and cakes. She made some chocolate fudge when she heard I like it, but refuse to eat the commercial ones (I got the recipe for her from the internet). In Greece many businesses, especially in the retail trade, take a siesta during the afternoon and we’d have Alki and Elia with us, not concentrating on their doppelgangers. Sometimes Perikli was also able to take off some time and we chatted about various things.
“Robert, my gift, do I pass it on to everyone?”
“You fear it may be misused?”
“It would be tempting to use it when one wants to get their own way. I often did so in my early years.”
“I would not worry Perikli, there are far more dangerous gifts among us and none have been misused. It is very difficult to do so, even by the small kids, when empathy is such a strong part of our makeup.”
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου(Alexander Zenon Eustace)
5th March, 2019
* posted on Steemit: 5th March, 2019