Why did I shave all of my hair off?? And what it taught me about myself.

I've had really long hair since I could remember, most of the time I wore my hair around the length of the photo above.
I actually have blonde curly hair, but I colored it really dark from a young age and as you can see also used a straightening iron like my life depended on it.

One day , a little under a year ago, I literally just shaved it all of for no apparent reason.

Why did I do it ?

Looking back , if I'm being super honest, I think I was maybe going through something resembling a meltdown haha!
I'm actually quite stable mentally and emotionally most of the time, I promise, but you know, life has its ups and downs.
Anyway , shaving my hair off felt liberating

I do recall often thinking about how nice it would be to just get rid of the hassle of coloring and styling and and and.
Please tell me I'm not alone in this? Have you ever wanted to just cut your hair off??

So here was my thinking at the time...

I used to be fairly confident as a young woman in my early 20's.
For some strange reason as I grew older I started becoming really unsure of myself, I couldn't see much beauty in myself and as a result I started obsessing over my looks and often would take 3 hours picking and outfit wondering what people would think, wondering how people viewed me etc...
I wanted to completely strip myself of conventional beauty, and thought that if people would see my shaved hair that they wouldn't expect anything from me. (Remember, these were the irrational ramblings of a mad woman at the time )
I thought if I could make myself ugly- by default- then I'd get over obsessing about my looks and just 'be' ?

Was I wrong ?

I don't think so, I felt light and free.... and ugly.
It kind of put things into perspective for me again, like I trained myself into a new way of thinking about myself and others expectations of me (atleast the expectations I thought everyone had)

(This cool photo of me was taken by a friend & photographer AV_strydom)

Do I regret shaving it?

I'll be lying if I said that it hasn't been the absolute worst time trying to grow it back, there are more awkward stages than there are minutes in a day.
But if I had to go back to that day I would shave it all over again, I don't regret it at all and it has opened my eyes to a few little things that I noticed about people and life and myself...

1. People can be really shallow.
2. People strongly advise that women have long hair. (its just the way we've been doing things around here)
3. Men and women will voice their disapproval even if you don't ask.
4. People don't enjoy looking at women with short hair.
5. Hair is what makes a woman beautiful and feminine.
6. Overly feminine is also the only kind of women we enjoy and hair is of utmost importance here.
7. People will literally be "disappointing" if you shave your hair..(it impacts their lives greatly.)
8. Its really amazing to not have hair.
9. Life goes on even without hair.
10. You should try not having hair.

It reminds me of a poem by warsan Shire

"it is not my responsibility to be beautiful
I'm not alive for that purpose
My existence is not about how desirable you find me"

This is a photo of me bathing in a waterfall deep in a rain-forest in Indonesia, I think literally the free-est I've ever felt in my entire life!

Let me know in the comments if you've ever wanted to shave your hair as a woman, or maybe you've actually done it before?