When Self Worth Is Based Off Of Other People's Opinions
I have been thinking a lot lately about self worth. The very words give the impression that self worth is based off how valuable one believes that they are. Yet, often times than not I find myself looking to others to tell me how special I am and how much I’m worth as a person. I constantly seek validation from others in every aspect of my life. Whether it’s teachers, family, or friends I always feel like I need others approval so that I can be like “oh good it wasn’t me just being full of myself I do actually look hella cute today.” I can never be fully confident in who I am because of some underlying fear that I’m not good enough or that I’m not worthy. I’m not entirely sure where this comes from; I’m sure some serious therapy is needed here but that’s another article.
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As young girls and boys were are given this list of things that define us. Girls are supposed to be pretty, tall, skinny, smart (but not too smart), funny (but not obnoxious), and most importantly she is taught to rely on others. This combination is nearly impossible to achieve and even if you do you can never be “perfect” because there is always something else to be fixed. Young boys are taught to be a man. They’re not supposed to cry, like pink, or play with dolls. Boys are supposed to be athletic, intelligent, and protective. If you break any of these “rules” then you are no longer a man. With impossible and impractical list’s like these how can anyone ever have a good sense of self worth? We live in a society that breaks us down and begins to label us from the womb. Oh it’s a boy? Better buy him blue clothing so that people know he’s a boy. God forbid he wear pink...people might think he’s gay, or worse that he’s a girl. I don’t think we fully realise how these subtle social constructs affect how one feels about themselves when they get older. What if you don’t fit into these preconceived boxes? Are you automatically less of a person?
I’m living proof that these lists of criteria that makes someone valuable are detrimental to our society. I was a young girl who looked around and felt like I wasn’t beautiful because I wasn’t skinny, I wore glasses (yes, they were purple and they were hideous. Maybe if you're lucky I’ll show you pictures.), and I dressed in sweatpants almost daily. I felt like an outsider my whole life and I still do. So, in response to all of the rejection and alienation I felt as a young girl, I now have to ask if I look okay before I go outside. I need others to validate myself. And truth be told I‘m tired of it. I want to feel beautiful without my friends needing to tell me I am. I want to feel smart. I want to feel like I am worth it. I don’t want to have to ever rely on a man to tell me that I deserve to be loved. Because I do deserve to be loved. Not because of the way that I look. Not even because I’m an amazing person, which you know what I am. None of these things make someone worth more or cause them to be worthier of love. The pure fact that we are human means that we should have self worth. We should know that we have a place in this world simply because we are alive. I wish that I could tell every young person that it’s okay to be different and it’s not wrong to love those little imperfections within yourself. You can never achieve these unattainable goals society has, so you might as well love yourself and realize that your imperfections don’t define you they simply enhance who you are. No one else can define your value because again it’s self worth, not what everyone else thinks you’re worth. Sure it’s going to be hard and you’re always going to doubt yourself, because I still do, but it’s liberating to just say f**k everyone else. So try to love yourself a little more each day until you no longer need others to make you feel good about yourself. Be strong and live independent.
F**k everyone else and love yourself.
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