in seattle •  7 days ago

There is more and more evidence that we are all dying. It isn't instantaneous, it won't happen overnight - but soon, perhaps someone you know, will die. "I'm really horrified, worried ...", says a local resident of Seattle (WA), "why won't the government or Bill Gates do SOMETHING!"

Here is a scanning-electron view of this new and monstrous pathogen ...

Dr. Leon Francesco, of Miskatonic University in Rhode Island, is quite concerned, "I'm not sure if people realize that they are being killed ... perhaps slowly in many cases ... but it is now well known that all humans will die within 70-130 years of their date of birth." There is no cure for this illness, no amount of shelter or prepared food or vegan dieting can prevent this - kale won't help you either ... and kale sucks. "At best, you might live to be in your 80's or 90's ... but eventually ... probably ... you'll be dead too ... fuck ... fuck this hellish bullshit!" Think tanks and various advanced research laboratories are working on emergency cures and other crap, but no solution seems feasible to this inevitable death that is now predicted to strike every person.

Politicians and the wealthy are scrambling for solutions, but as of now there is no known cure for this disease. The World Health Organization is calling this "Disease Y", because "Disease X" is taken ... and ... you know ... this is terrible.

"The best you can do is hideout ... in your home ... drink plenty of beer or wine ... go to work ... you can eat whatever you want and just spend the day shit-posting on TWITTER or FACEBOOK ... but yeah ... you're screwed!", says Dr. Francesco, expert in the science of things to fear.

Time is ticking away, before you or a neighbor ... maybe your cat ... but yeah ... shit ... someone is going to die every day ... thousands ... everyone only has about 70-130 years to live ... and that's optimistic.

More on this ...

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