Well - don't mistake bitterness, which is true, for lack of appreciation. I do appreciate you, as much as my trust-gauge allows me to appreciate anyone on the WWW at this point. In many ways it is a very simple story: a) divorced male, b) goes in search for something real, c) allows himself to be used by others, d) finds himself washed-up, used-up. I know I need to find the "light" in myself to make it out of this cave, it's just a mystery or a question ... do I have what it takes to kindle that light and make it out. The bottom-bouncing thing is an appropriate analogy - like sine(f(x)), where f(x) is x divided by some n ... n gets larger, the bounces get smaller ... sorry ... just my thoughts on this.