5 Motives for Flirting - and why it's good for you
I was originally going to title this post: Did the "F" word kill my imaginary future grandbabies?
FLIRTING
While he's nursing a broken heart with "righteous" indignation, anger, and sadness I can't help think that being caught committing this particular "F" word is an inadequate reason for a break-up... unless they actually wanted to break up.
Having been once married to a cheater one might think I have a no tolerance policy on flirting but you'd be wrong.
Why Flirting is Good For You
According to Psychology Today
Image created in Photoshop.
Scientists have proven that flirting releases adrenaline, dopamine, seratonin, and endorphins. These are the natural chemicals your body creates for happiness and euphoria.
MOTIVE
Some people argue that flirting is the gateway to cheating especially if you're in a committed relationship. Perhaps. I suppose it's good or bad dependent on one's motive and how solid the relationship is to begin with.
Motive 1: Flirting to have fun and boost self-esteem
There is no other motive beyond tapping into those feel good chemicals to boost one's self-esteem and have a little fun. Whether you're the flirter or the flirtee, the back and forth banter affirms our ability to be playful and witty; it allows us to relax, feel sexy and appreciated while basking in someone's attention.
If you're in a committed relationship, bringing positive energy from back home after a little flirty fun can make us feel a little more amorous toward our loved one. For single people it's a great way to gauge their chances in the dating scene. Flirt first. Better your chances for a yes when you ask them on a date.
Motive 2: Flirting as a tool
We all use flirting as a tool as a means of getting our way.
The retail world is full of serial flirters. Bartenders, waitresses, car salesman...
They flirt to get the sale, a better tip, or developing a repeat customer.
An older lady walked into my store. She was obviously having a bad morning. You could see by the look on her face that she was not happy. As we put together her order I said, "Come here a second."
She gave me a sidelong scowl but stepped a little closer to the counter.
"A little bit closer," I said.
And just as she was saying, "What are you..." I pulled a price sticker off of her blazer.
With a wink I said, "Ooh, you're only 99 cents? What a bargain!"
She blushed, then laughed. Maybe it turned her day around. I don't know. But I felt good about making her smile.
OUTCOME: Repeat customer and word of mouth advertising.
The pretty pout is another form of flirtation. It emotes vulnerability, sadness or displeasure while still being cute and approachable. And who could resist saying no to this?
Motive 3: Flirting to get to the next level
Flirting can be a gateway to the next level in any relationship: strangers to acquaintances, acquaintances to friends, friends to BFFs, friends to lovers...
If one is in a committed relationship and flirting with someone else with the intent to build a nest elsewhere then yes, flirting is the beginning of the end. In such cases flirting did not kill the relationship, it's just one tool in the heartbreak arsenal.
Motive 4: Flirting to keep things fresh
Flirting can be a powerful tool in keeping a long-term relationship fresh too.
I give my husband a wolf whistle when he's getting ready for work, or try to grab his towel after he gets out of the shower. After knowing him for over 30 years and being married for over a decade, I can still make him blush.
And he uses this line on me all the time:
It's silly and ridiculous especially when I creep out of bed looking like I put my finger in a light socket but it still puts love in my heart.
Motive 5: Flirting to make life a little easier
There was a point in time when I was working 7 days a week. I saw my co-workers a lot more than I saw my family and developed a great relationship with a man I worked with. We laughed. We commiserated. We flirted all the time. He made me coffee. I brought donuts or snacks. We talked candidly about our lives outside of work: the frustrations and the joys.
To this day I still refer to him as my work husband and I love that man - but our relationship was never about sex. It was more like two survivors in a life boat looking out for one another. It made a stressful job and the hours we put in bearable.
Coincidentally, my husband has a couple of work wives (and a few work ex-wives) to keep things spicy.
The pitfall of flirting
Yes, there are pitfalls to flirting too.
As mentioned above, if you do not trust your partner implicitly then flirting might be on the NO-NO list. Communication is key.
Other hazards might include being tazed for being a creepy stalker or flat-out rejection.
Some final thoughts...
Going back to the death of my imaginary future grandbabies...
What's a mama to do? I know I can't get involved because it's not my job or responsibility to salvage his relationship. All I can say is I like her. I personally don't think she did anything wrong but that's not my call. If it's over between them then I need to lay to rest the imaginary brown hair, brown-eyed grandchildren bouncing on my knee.
That's too bad... She makes a really awesome Pasticho Venezolano.
What are your thoughts?
Is flirting good or bad? Leave a comment below.
*All gifs and images from giphy.com or Pixabay unless otherwise noted.
UPDATE
My imaginary future grandbabies LIVE!
Happy day
Yey! Glad to have found ur post a few days later with an update! 😍 I personally think that flirting is fine too, and yeah sharing the same argument- as long as there is trust. Trust is based on somehing deep. As long as you trust each other a petty act of flirting should not bring doom to the relationship.
I had a feeling that they were going to work through it. They've really been through so much to let something stupid get in the way. So I've been away @arrliinn - how have you been?
I think it's good for flirting to make life a little easier.
I would like to ask you Maser this absence about the steemit we missed you @merej99 ♡♡
Awww, thank you @venox I have truly missed Steemit too.
Oh my darling, haha, I am definitely with you on this. We are two peas in an awesome pod :) Our relationships with our hubbies are so similar, we need to get together some time because we would have a fucking blast. And guess what? You can flirt with Howie, he's super fun to flirt with LOL.
I'm hoping to be up in New York in the Spring or Summer to visit with family. A few things have to happen first but I wouldn't mind coming up to see you in wine country!
Aww...it'll be okay. Hopefully those future grandbabies will exist. It's better he waits until he's with the right person who he is absolutely dedicated to instead of someone he was willing to let go so easily. I think a little flirting is okay. My husband and I flirt all the time. Sometimes its silly flirting to make one another laugh. Flirts are important parts of social bonding.
I flirt with everyone too. Young, old, same sex, opposite sex - it doesn't matter. LOL
Their circumstances have been quite challenging. If it was a movie, this is the part where I'd be yelling at the screen and throwing popcorn.
Hi, Mere!
Sorry I've been away so long... I "bumped into you" somewhere else, and, Voila!, here I am. ;)
Love makes the world go 'round. God made us male and female in his own good image. We have this natural attraction, and mutual appreciation each for the other. So, yeah, flirting is definitely a "go" and has all the benefits you've enumerated...
In the present life, it also has some risks, but I think they're minimal as long as we're honest, open with our spouses, and avoid dangerous situations.
Outstanding article, Thanks!
😄😇😄
Hi @creatr - So glad to see you! {{{ HUGS }}}
I'm creeping out of the abyss and finding my way back. Still on that journey of finding balance between work and fun but March just started and I'm kind of in manic mode so here we are. LOL
Pat and I trust each other implicitly. The idea of being in a dangerous situation is so remote for us but we also know that if we go there it means something's terribly wrong in our relationship. It's probably the beginning of the end if that happened.
As for these kids... They are already going through so much adversity by the physical separation. Thank goodness for tools like Skype, FB and SnapChat because while they cannot touch, they can still connect through voice and video. I think it's much easier to maintain a long-distance relationship now than it ever was in our youth.
{{{ BIG HUGS }}} right back at you, my dear. I reviewed your blog and was glad to discover that I haven't missed much... :D
Glad you're manic enough to start Steeming again, and hope to see you around! Lots of interesting things have been happening, including of course a sharp rise in the value of Steem. If it goes up by another factor of ten, perhaps I'll be able to survive on Steem? :D Wouldn't that be lovely!
Really great to "hear" your voice, and take care!
I'm motivated by getting my dolphin status back. I did a lot of power downs in order to get my family out of the crappy living situation and into this house. Plus some well-deserved furniture. It's time to build it up again and get immersed with the tribe once more.
I was freaking out when STEEM & SBD were over $8! It's down around $3-$4 again but that's a heck of a lot better than 8 cents, right? Long live STEEMIT. :P
Best wishes as you swim in that direction! Please stay in touch and I'll do my part when I can... :D
what a nice and wonderful post, thanks for sharing.
follow me @thunderland
Thank you for stopping by @thunderland Have an awesome day.
I am very sorry to hear about the breakup.
Especially when you'd already made plans to nurture their grandchildren.
I personally lean toward the open side when it comes to relationships. I won't two-time another out of respect for that person but I wouldn't be jealous of a significant other giving in to her humanity and exploring (and frankly wouldn't mind similar - if pre-agreed and done in a healthy fashion).
Of course flirting is a few notches below that in openness. Both flirting and 'looking' can serve as safety valves where the unfamiliar may be whiffed and possibilities fathomed.
Of course, looking at others (within reason) is no indication of a desire to leave a partner. There is more to a person than looks alone. As for flirting - well that was a missed opportunity for her then-partner to have a sincere heart-to-heart about what she finds desirable in that other person.
It might be that there is nothing special at all about the person flirted with - and that she just yearns for 'the hunt'. This realization could have opened new options between her and her partner - many of us are not fully open about our inclinations.
Even if there 'is' something about the person flirted with - and perhaps something that the partner cannot offer (examples: a full head of hair or intelligent conversation) - that could still benefit from some honest no-consequences conversation - and solutions could be found (such as determining that she lacks intellectual friends and that maybe embrace her having such friends as a means of diffusing any pent up desire for such - with the agreement that she would be happy with such an arrangement and could see herself remain happy with her partner.
Of course relationships are complex things. One cannot say for certain how their dynamic broke down. If things were toxic between them then they are fortunate to have broke up earlier rather than later - but I hope that lessons are carried forward.
As for you - your aspirations for grandchildren may have suffered a setback but no grandkids were harmed in the breaking of that relationship. They may yet be - The mother has yet to be determined. :c)
Take care (and if you want to stay in touch with her - its OK - but I do agree that there is only so much that a mother can reasonably intervene). @merej99.
I blame the kids for putting the idea of grandbabies in my head. LOL They've been talking marriage and kids for over a year that I was kind of primed and excited. And then I have to remember that this isn't about me. I adore them both and only wish health and happiness to them no matter what. Hence the question: Do I have to break up with her too?