Men and women: A modern story of two sexes
In the beginning...I have always wondered what happened to the society, before, love was pure. When you read about the tales of Romeo and Juliet, the love between Jack and Rose and so many other stories, people simply couldn't wait to fall in love and get married.
Now, we see young ladies who simply start wishing not to marry or they'll simply say "I might not marry" simply because they are scared about the inconvenience of marriage. "For better or worse " is now being thrown to the wind as people prefer to recite their own vows which they'll gladly break instead of the normal traditional vows.
I once interracted with a young man who said he was unwilling to get married early because he was not ready to cope with the madness of another man's daughter. Has it now come to that level? He is not the first, he won't be the last.
In the Catholic church, marriage is considered a sacred institution which they hope an individual will only enter once and with good reason. I just look at people who laugh at the doctrine which discourages divorce. The sad part, some now see divorce as a normal thing.
Young men and women are being conditioned to hate each other subconsciously from when they were little. The don't know this, but the media has not been of any help either. You see quotes, articles and even whole websites which play on your psyche and mess with your heads on "why it's time to let go". Those ones overshadow the real articles, journals, websites which go in depth on what relationships really are and why you must see the good in the bad.
Men now prefer to marry late under the guise of wanting to gather it all before marriage when in actuality, all they want is extra time to sleep with women. They hustle and bed a lot of ladies and call it bachelorhood. When they are ready to settle down, they will now realize they have taste. Some years ago, that practice was abysmal and not something to flaunt, now it's common.
You see young people already anticipating divorce even marriage, you see young people dating multiple people because they live in fear of abandonment, you see people who now have the ability to switch on and switch off their love at will because a situation is convenient or not.
Before, we see people being bethroted to others before the even attained age of reasoning and yet they enjoyed their marriage.
Dating was not try your luck then it was seeing a future with someone and resolving to stick with the person through thick or thin.
We had longer relationships before marriage and people passed through tough, nerve racking situations and they still stayed together. Heck! My dad and mum dated for close to ten years before married. Try it now and see. Date a lady for five years and dont propose or propose and don't marry in two years and she'll jilt you and say she "does not want to be a lord of the rings."
Now we have short relationships, short tempers, short love, short marriages and short lives.
Nowadays, when a guy sees a lady with curves and edges or is beautiful, there is a high chance he is asking her out simply because of sex.
For better or worse had meaning then, can we saybthe same thing now?
When a relationship faces crisis, people prefer to run away under the guise of it being the best option and this is largely due to hypnosis from peer and social media which has become a false truth to some.
Instead of sticking through thick and thin, most will prefer to abandon you because the love can turn off and on by itself.
Only children run away instead of fixing things. I know some might come and say some things can't be fixed, but wait, ask yourself: have you truly tried everything?
What was the problem? Was it temper, pride, anger, rudeness, lack of attention, poor choice of words, lack of intimacy...what went wrong? Have you tried to fix that or are you trying to fix that and after working on that it still didn't work out?
Remember if 1+1=2, that equation remains constant until you add or subtract something from it like this:
1+1+1=3...can you see the difference? If you truly loved someone in the first place, why must it always be about you? You are a master of your own body, it obeys you.
Remember that life and love is not all about convenience. Divorce rates are the problems we face today, very soon, it will be high rates of singles. People won't want to marry, as it is guys now run from it and often marry late because of what they are scared to encounter especially the thought of the loss of half of one's property should there be a split.
Ladies ar being taughg you are strong, you are the master of your life, you don't need a man and all that from the wrong sources who are sometimes pained victims of their own making, when they grow they become like sport cars; beautiful and high performance but they have no space for others. They won't be able to find an off button.
As for the men, they are now being made to believe that you must sleep with them and not show love before you can be cherished or valued.
This is so wrong, I want to teach my kids to love love and to be faithful, loyal and honest in relationships and most of all, to understand that tough times will come in a relationship and that they should work on it first instead of running.
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My mum told me that in her time, there was nothing like long relationships. Men just see who they want to marry and go ahead, they learnt to tolerate themselves in marriage and there was nothing like divorce.. But now even if people date for 1million years before marriage, they still divorce, there is zero tolerance now.
@nalove I think so tolerance level is due to the fact that divorce is generally becoming like an acceptable means of escape in any faulty relationship now. So people just go into it with the mindset that they can quit at anytime. I use they'll learn tolerance and commitment from our parents once again.
One particular reason for high rate of divorce is the decline in cultural values. Culture is one very fabric that kept society in check for a very long time.
We seem to have torn that fabric. Back in the day, our ancestors endured daring conditions in their marriage just to protect their family name, fear of what society will say about them and even for the sake of their children. All these were elements of culture
Fast forward to today, nobody cares about all these anymore, we have been taught how to live independently without caring about what society thinks thus leading to everyone running their lives how they deem fit.
The problem isn't a decline in love but a decline in values
Your last paragraph is laced with meaning.
I must confess I really love the fact that you went straight to the point instead of beating around the bush. But this part caught giggling "Try it now and see. Date a lady for five years and dont propose or propose and don't marry in two years and she'll jilt you and say she does not want to be a lord of the rings.". All what you just said are true. The whole article was lit dear @ehiboss
Hello, @ehiboss
I agree with you on certain things.
E. T. C.
But,
There are times when you just can't deal, and this goes for both sexes. You can't die just because you are in a relationship or marriage, especially if it's abuse. I know of a couple that have been dating for a year now, and suddenly the guy became publicly abusive.
He choked her in front of us, her friends. No one deserves that. He begged, blamed the devil and even talked about suicide, but there's no fixing some people. Sometimes you just have to... dare I say it... Let it go.
All in all, everyone needs to love and to be loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally, but let your head weigh in too.
Thank you.
Of course, I said in my article that once abuse enters, the rules change (not in those exact words)
> He choked her in front of us, her friends. No one deserves that. He begged, blamed the devil and even talked about suicide, but there's no fixing some people.
I dunno, previously marriage was for wealth. Families would trade their daughters into wealthy families to gain access to resources. It was only at the end of feudalism and the rise of capitalism and the industrial revolution that gave birth to the wealthy middle class that love has eventuated. Now that we are passed the initial boom people are freer to do what they please.
Society has changed, is it worse? Who knows.
Trust me, it's getting worse by the minute.
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In my own part of the continent, (Nigeria) I was told that before you can say I love you, it means both parents of the two are aware that you have feelings for each other and you as a man , has no gut to face lady by yourself else you tell a friend to help you out. This days love is flowing on street. I can tell an old mama that I love her and if she accept right and in other way.
Well said @ehiboss, the true fact is "there is nothing like a perfect woman/man.
The problem started from the movies we watch. Next was the magazines and he century lifestyles. Then again, there was massive adoption of the internet and all these things spread easily lime wild fire online.
There is a difference between the first time "in love" euphoria that almost everyone will feel at a point or the other. It's like a hot iron removed from the fire. It won't remain hot forever. But the problem is that we've been influenced with what we see, hear and read that we no longer know what love means. No wonder divorce rate has increased. People plan for divorce Now before even getting married. They see it as a shortcut to end any crisis that they may probably face in marriage.
Love is more that the I love yous. It's more than the gifts and romantic dinner. It I commitment. It is sacrifice. It is selflessness. It is everything.
The cause of all these is the decrease of morals in the society today. Most of our parents never dated before marriage but their marriage is still firm and stable till date but those that date these days for 10years will get married only for two months afterwards they will divorce.
I weep for the future generation with the way this current generation is going
Lovely write up @ehiboss