Our feelings, thoughts and experiences – it is only our decision.

Our knowledge of our personality is, in fact, a reflection of what others see in us. Our reflections of the other are the sum of our expectations, experiences, assessments, concepts and emotional responses to it.

Ideally, as they grow older person, assessment of yourself should progressively proceed from himself. On some sides, it happens, but there is one significant nuance. The one who sits inside us and evaluates, not always ourselves. This is a set of memory of the voices of important people, which sets the tone and rules of life. All that is left to a person-only to respond to what he has recorded on the hard drive.

This voice-related memory is processed in the temporal lobe — at a sufficient distance from the parts of the brain responsible for critical thinking. Therefore, voices just often speak from the past, and people listen to them without thinking why they do it.

At the same time, a person is very powerful in relation to himself. In particular, in matters of self-assessment. And that's when the man said that you say, my friend, ridicule yourself, pull yourself together, look at ourselves and think good thoughts... it is sometimes quite actively begins to try, but he can't do that.

It seems that it is impossible to change something in yourself. Then, if you feel like a total jerk and practice your own pettiness philosophy for hours a day every day, it's really not that easy.

Imagine a heavyweight wrestler who came to the ballet class. Ballet is also a very serious physical activity, but it is different, of a different kind. Moreover, despite the fact that the wrestler keeps himself in a sports tone, it is necessary to it hard at the machine.

Just here, if you are used to a certain style of life, a simple transition from the gym to the ballroom problems can not be solved.

The fact is that different styles of mental activity and self-evaluation require the work of different groups of "mental muscles", different parts of the brain and different mediators. However, it is possible.

Victor Frankl, being in the dungeons of the concentration camp and lost there most of the family, in the most desperate moment of its existence there brought the concept of "last human freedom." In a nutshell — no matter how bad you are, and no matter how much you have experienced-you and only you decide what you and how to respond. It's up to you how you see what's going on and decide what to do next.

I think that almost everyone can give examples of different people's reactions to events. Some people who survived the tragedy, begin to help others and to share their experiences, others experienced a slight disappointment, procrastinate it for the rest of my life. Moreover, it first depends on what group of mental muscles the person decided for himself to swing.

In General, believe me, to know that you have a lot of mental muscles, with which you can do different tricks, as well as actively and effectively learn how to manage it — is available to almost everyone. The main thing is to have the desire and courage to start doing it.

The process of taking yourself and initiative in your life in hand, as well as the style of behavior based on this, is called proactivity.

It is an understanding that our behavior, our feelings, our thoughts and our experiences are our decision. Even if we start to listen to the discordant choir of important persons in our childhood and listen to their opinion – this is also our decision. It is also up to the individual to reach out to ask or help others, to blame or to take responsibility. Moreover, it's never too late to realize that.

As usual, no magic and even sleight of hand. If you don't think about what's going on in your head, who is there telling you what, and what you think about yourself, most of the processes go to the automatic level of circulating in the brain processes. You are accustomed to using the same schemes, ways of reasoning and samples that give you similar results.

If you go on the same road from point A to point B on any transport, even on a scooter, even on a rocket, you still arrive at point b, but only at different speeds. Moreover, the brain is designed so that over time, it will choose a shorter and faster way to reach point B. "on the brain" option "to cut the way through the gardens" means to short out the nervous chain somewhere outside the frontal cortex. The spark will slip through all the necessary parts of the brain, but can not be identified.

We are upset neighbors, colleagues, weather, and cats under the window. There are always those who spoil life. People with this way of responding to surrounding events are always dependent on the environment, which often comes into resonance with personal children's Luggage, giving the most bizarre combinations of mood, thoughts and decisions.

So, in order to get a grip, to take responsibility comes down to including the frontal cortex in an automatic process. It will help to answer why you need it all, including all the experiences of yourself bad, about the bad world, etc. Moreover, it will help you to see the causes and consequences, and therefore take responsibility for what is happening in your life.

Yes, problems are different. Some depend only on us, others depend on others and are difficult to our influence, and others are not subject to anyone. In any case, in any problem, connecting the frontal power will help you get out of the situation if not with a plus, then without loss.

People, who just go with the flow, on his brain autopilot, using the minimum of their capabilities, often fall into different unforeseen situations. Because it happened. It does not matter how, who is to blame – the people themselves, the environment or Space. They often make impulsive and rash decisions, which are based again on unconscious automatic processes occurring in the brain, and most subsequently blames only the surrounding failures, weather, and politics.

Although on another planet, it will be the same parsley, if nothing is done with the head.

How do you turn on, activate the frontal lobe? This is quite simple. You need to ask yourself questions:
what's happening to me
what I'm doing
what I think
what it will give me
what experience I had in such cases

No messing around. After asking a question, the frontal cortex will alert and send a request to other parts of the brain. So here you also strain and answer your own, question with complete frankness. It's just for you, not for the neighbors, so don't be shy.

This is a simple question that will not use your experience, which is a bad self-esteem, if after answering this question you just stop and do not develop the idea of a well-trodden path of self-abasement.

Practice requires patience and some perseverance, but very soon, you will notice that the frontal lobe more and more begins to be involved in the process of your life. Automatic chewing and listening to voices from the past recede, the questions" what to do in life" — are quite simple and most importantly quite feasible answers. Your personality will begin to gain its own strength. For you will have to assess the reality, the current moment, and not your childhood memory. The frontal lobe, which will be able to control temporal activity with its voices from the past, will be more active. You will become more and more whole and integrated personality.

If it seems that not all life to turn into a complete control-it is. Proactivity is the identification of oneself and the taking of responsibility. If you smoke and drink vodka, you decided that. The voice of my mother from childhood you have is not a decree. You can fully enjoy the process. However, for the results of his life is responsible only you yourself and no one else. If you want to think about the bad-please, think on health. However, the quality of your life is only your responsibility. Don't like your position? Change it. If you don't want to change, don't change. Your will and your decision.

This is the beginning of the very "last freedom" of man. Moreover, for Frankl in terrible conditions this freedom could prove indeed of last.

Probably, a freedom which was always with us and about which we forgot, was the first and most basic. Moreover, this freedom is still with us.