"You look fine to me" PTSD

Invisible disabilities are all around you.  Looks can be deceiving.  Its kind of obvious when you see someone in a wheelchair or a blind person.  Not all of the disabled community are "visibly disabled".  What is an invisible disability?  It's impairment or deficiency that cannot be readily or easily noticed.  There are over 309 million americans with disabilities/ That's close to 50% of americans that have disabilities and 149 million of those have a chronic illness.  Roughly 96% of people living with a chronic illness, their impairment is invisible.  There is such a large list of diseases and illnesses that even if I didn't space them it would make this a very long blog.  There are 10's of thousands of them.  

There are discouraging remarks that are commonly said to people living with invisible disabilities.  We know that most of you don't know what to say and don't mean it in a demeaning or derogatory way.  Just DO NOT do these;  

- Do not claim it does not exist because you cannot see it.  You have no idea what living in this persons shoes is like.  I hear this a lot with my Traumatic Brain Injury and my PTSD.  "you look fine to me"  which says to me.... you must be faking it.  I've had family accuse me of just doing this for attention.  Even though they know I was in a coma and was in the car where 3 other close family members were killed.  

- Do not minimize their situation.  example "It could be worse"... you have no idea what it takes that person to get out of bed every day and you have no idea the pain or suffering they endure every day.  or "You're soo lucky you don't have to work"  Let me tell you that I would do anything to be able to hold and do well at a full time job.  I want to work.  I like and miss working.  Living on a check that barely pays my bills every month is not fun.  I don't have the money to go out and have fun even just once every couple of weeks.  It's not a vacation.  It's kind of like hell.  I miss having a purpose.

-Don't disregard their limitations-  I tried a Krav Maga work out class.  It didn't go well because I have chronic knee pain from my accident and cannot bend far or even put pressure on my knees.  I would inform the instructor that I was unable to do certain things and people trying to be supportive and positive would say.  Don't say that.  You can do it.  And I would get so frustrated because they wouldn't listen that I was physically incapable of doing that.  Sure I look fine.  I walk fine.  But there is severe pain from old injuries that do not allow me to do it.  It's been 20 years and it hasn't healed yet... 

-Don't act like you can relate-  I have quite a few examples of this but I'll just give you a couple of examples.  Because of my brain injury I have periods where I'm extremely forgetful.  I call those days (like the movie) '50 first dates' bad.  I explain to people I have problems with my memory.  They say oh yeah me too.  I just think ok.  Multiply that voluntary forgetfullness x 10 and you might be where I get sometimes.  The difference is that most people can remember something if they set their mind to it.  With my brain injury, sometimes it doesn't matter how much I want to remember it I cant!  I don't have this but as my second example let's use chronic fatigue.  People that have chronic fatigue might frequently hear, "oh I know what you mean I am tired all of the time"  Not the SAME....

These are just a few things and there are tons of different kinds of invisible disabilities.  Feel free to comment, reshare and add your story.  To the people that don't have them.  We know that most of you care and don't mean it in a derogatory way.  We know that you may not know what to say.  Saying nothing is not a good option.  For me, I say ask me questions.  Let's start a dialogue.  I know you won't understand it completely but maybe you'll have a better understanding.  If you care enough to do that or try,  I will fight for your friendship.    Thank you for reading.