When Life Serves You Worse Than Lemons

in psychology •  19 days ago 

I have a habit of running away from pens when I am going through the darkest of these valleys that life has been known to unpredictably throw us into. This stems from my understanding of how negative I have been my entire life and my undying will to free myself of such. I hate posting sad truths on my timeline and I should also probably add that I'd rather harbour pain than share it.

Which begs the question how do i then heal?

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A small dam used for irrigating smallscale tea at my rural home.

He has been missing since Mid-April and due to his mental health history, the entire family was worried. But oddly, not worried enough to really do something about it. People were tired of his solving everything with a drink. Things had started missing around the house and he was the main suspect. His emotions were too unpredictable to be allowed to live in the homestead as he had become too violent.

So days turned into weeks and soon it was months. At a recent funeral, the family cornered his brother and sister and asked them to look into looking for their brother but the sister being a functional alcoholic said something about getting a Guinness first as her missing brother would eventually show up. High most probably... she added laughing.

Last Friday, his body was found at City Mortuary. He had been lying three since the night of 3rd May. A lorry ferrying fresh cabbages to the Capital flung him into the air as he crossed a highway. It then dragged his body on the cold tarmac before speeding off.

A drunk man who knew him was the one who led the family to where his body was even without an idea that he was helping. He was 'apologizing' to a family member how sorry he was for not attending the 'burial' of the missing persons yet he 'watched' him die.

I am talking about my own cousin. He had been missing for months only to be found frozen with an unknown person tag on his foot at a mortuary. The bill that accumulated for months (almost 1000$) was enough to get him through psychiatric care but here we are paying it to a morgue. I feel ashamed.

We are in the process of laying him to rest this Friday.

And as if that's not enough, yesterday my nephew Seth was admitted to a District Hospital (which is where I am heading after a late breakfast). He has pneumonia plus heavy coughing but luckily his fever is down now. I don't even have the words to express my sister's confusion and worry right now or mine either.

It's just been a few rough days. I feel numb. And a huge argument between me and a close friend yesterday is not helping the matters either. Damn. We live to see a better day and I can't wait to see that better now... #FeelingDrained

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It's also my favourite chillspot when I am home... though its drying up! Climate change is a bitch.

Photos taken by a Samsung Tablet in my care.

How have you been now that you indulged on my pain?

                          **Cross Posted**

BQ.

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Life is full of all sorts of ups and down. One has to find strength somehow . It is the only way there is to keep from breaking into pieces and just giving up on everything. There is so much that we can do and there can be so little effect in our efforts to make a change and bring some light but we can still try. We can still wake up and hope for a better day.
May your cousin find rest and peace. I wish your nephew a speedy recovery as well. How do i feel now that i have indulged in your pain? Do i still have space to grieve for those i care about? I don't know. I feel as if i have used up all my grief tokens and now i have just sad smiles and knowing nods. SO that is how i feel; sad but understanding where you are and where you seek to be. I hope you find the rainbow and the promised pot of gold at the end. You deserve that at least. We all do.

I am savaging for the drips of your kindness... I need to survive this or so I keep telling myself. I understand the knowing nods and the sad smiles... It's all I dish out too nowadays.

Thank you for listening 💞

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Life is full of all sorts of ups and down. One has to find strength somehow . It is the only way there is to keep from breaking into pieces and just giving up on everything. There is so much that we can do and there can be so little effect in our efforts to make a change and bring some light but we can still try. We can still wake up and hope for a better day.
May your cousin find rest and peace. I wish your nephew a speedy recovery as well. How do i feel now that i have indulged in your pain? Do i still have space to grieve for those i care about? I don't know. I feel as if i have used up all my grief tokens and now i have just sad smiles and knowing nods. SO that is how i feel; sad but understanding where you are and where you seek to be. I hope you find the rainbow and the promised pot of gold at the end. You deserve that at least. We all do.