Getting rid of food addiction - how to support yourself?
If you feel your dependence on food, then this is the reality of your life today. And I am sure that in many areas of your life - at work, in the family, in the circle of friends - you are adult, balanced, successful, you are respected by colleagues, loved by friends and even listened to by children. More than less. But in dealing with food, you are often the loser. It feels like inside you there is some kind of evil, sometimes unhappy, then frightened Munch that makes you pounce on food, requires a ton of chocolate, shakes from the sight and smell of freshly baked muffins, roughly tramples your need to remain slender and youthful. Attempts to limit his appetites - pills "for weight loss", diets, bans - once or twice fail .... Or give a temporary result. Why? Yes, because Zhevun grew and developed within you all your life. And he was formed in your early childhood as your protector and savior. Mom ignores you? Mom, it's better ... Mom constantly screams and gets angry? Someone rejected you or frightened you? Pozhuj, it will be better ...
As you grow up, Munchback helped in difficult situations. His authority was strengthened and grew. But at some point he began to strain you and irritate you. Because for his protection and support you have to pay with your excessive weight, shame on the beach, losing in search of love, loss of pleasure from your body ... Since you started to form your Adult part, her needs have serious disagreements with the requirements of Munchback. You want to become slim and attractive - Zhevun whispers: "How terrible!" And packs your beauty in a fat shell ... You want to gain attention and recognition - Zhevun here like here - "Eat more! Than you will be more, the more noticeable".
Today I want to return to reality. All of us - adults, and even with maloblagostnymnym childhood by now have learned more than less to cope with life, and - I'm sure - she should rejoice ... I propose to deal with our resources. What is helping us today?
To begin with, I will give a model of our psyche from transactional analysis. Eric Berne postulated that the psyche - by analogy with the house - is divided into three base floors - child, adult and parental.
The children's floor is the experience of our childhood, with all our desires demanding immediate satisfaction, with our need to play, have fun, with curiosity to life. In the children's part, our creativity is rooted, and our fears, resentments and sorrows mostly live. There is a boasting room here, the room of our adult toys, here we go, when consolation is required, hence our love for sweets grows.
The parental floor is the covenants, habits of our parents' family, these are learned from the parents "must", "can not," "be ashamed," "you are guilty," "what is good and what is bad." With this baggage we live all my life, but in a conscious part we can argue, defend our opinion, feel free from the little - adequate to date restrictions and prohibitions of our parents. Our OUR life experience helps us, OUR values and attitudes, which form our adult floor. In any life situation, we can react with a loss of independence and an attempt to defend ourselves by someone else's instructions, refusal to assume responsibility - in this case we react from the children's part. Or an attempt to become a dominant figure, to teach everyone how to - in this case we act from the parent piece. Or try to objectively, taking into account all the features of the current situation, develop their own line of conduct, without rigid confrontations, without self-deflections. And then we are adults.
The adult part is in each of us. She reconciles the child's "I want" with the parental "it is necessary" taking into account the realities of our life. This part will be the main support in our fight against food addiction. Your adult has ways of comforting his inner child. But he also has the habits of his parents, who, quite possibly, are already hampering you in the problem of relationships with weight. You are habitually consoling your inner child with delicious, sweet, sacrificing appearance and health. But there are ways better.
Freud gave a good definition of the psyche. Psychic is a tool for reconciling multidirectional aspirations and desires and developing compromise solutions. But if you still feel your dependence on Zhevuna, it means that it is difficult for your inner Child to agree with your Adult part. He feels your rejection, his defenselessness ... And from the habit he relies on Munchback. And in order to learn how to maintain and reassure your child's part, you have to reach the root causes, realize the needs of your little girl and give her a sense of security.
Author - Irina Lopatuhina
Psychologist, Gestalt therapist