Codependency, narcissism, and Victim Mentality ...Part 5

Before I write about codependency – (a term originally coined in alcoholic anonymous meetings), I’m gonna talk about victim mentality.
VM crosses over the narcissist - codependent divide.
VM can be present in both personality types.

Codependent traits can seem to easily overlap into narcissistic ones, and the primal root causes of the different personality types may be the same - but the expressions of dealing with the trauma are different .

Codependency is a ‘fixable condition’, whereas the extreme narcissistic personality , isn’t, in my opinion.

(I'll explain why in my codependency post).

Understanding victim mentality is a useful tool for those with codependency issues.

Ok, what is victim mentality?

Victim mentality is characterized as:
A state of “victim-hood” that follows the perspective that you have no control over your life.

No control over your behaviors, or feelings (ego boundary setting,issues).
It's a constant feeling that the external world is “out to get you.”
The outside world controls your inner world.

There is profound sense of ‘any lack of agency’ with a distorted view - and sense - of who you are - the self.

Those with a victim mentality feel like they’re being victimized or attacked - regardless of reality.
This then allows them to feel like they have no control to change their lives – apathy.
It's a constant feeling that someone , or something, “out there” has put them in the situation they are in.
(poor me).
They reinforce this mental state through apathy.

To do something positive, would be to show them personal agency - which is totally counter intuitive to their state of being.
Cognitive dissonances an extremely uncomfortable psychological state to be in, and will be (unconsciously) avoided at all times.

Cognitive dissonance :
when a person holds contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values, and is typically experienced as psychological stress when unable to reconcile the conflicting information.

...Apathy (procrastination) from those suffering from victim mentality can be quite pronounced and away to avoid cognitive dissonance threats.

Don’t confuse legitimate victim-hood with victim mentality.

There are times in our lives when we’re subject to actual harm and abuse- those are times when we are real victims.

A ‘victim mentality’ is different.

This is a person that sees everything through a victimhood lens - and assumes the role of victim - even when they aren’t a real victim of anything.
A victim mentality is extremely disempowering.
You assume a submissive role in the world, as you allow outside influences to dictate how you feel, and to tell you who you are.
This means that you are giving all of your power away.

Playing ‘the victim’ creates a hopelessness, a helplessness, a powerlessness, and also a self imposed psychological prison.

Many people today live with a victim mentality.

(I see it far more pronounced – endemic even -in the those with a social justice, or ‘left leaning’ perspective on life).

Why?

A society that is materially affluent, breeds victims. This is a luxury not afforded to those who are not materially privileged.
'To get on with it' is not an option - to ‘get on with it’ is not a victim mentality.

Embracing the victim mentality is a desire to regress to childhood- or even earlier.

We're programmed from an early age to depend on outside sources to take care of us. This is the role that the parents or caregiver provides to the newborn , and later on, to the developing child.

This relationship makes us happy, it tells us what to do, tells us how to behave.
It tells us who we are.

If we grow up without ever developing internal boundaries (ego), the government then stands in to take over the role of the parent.
The government teaches us that they are the power.(parent).
Our school system teaches us that the government is the power.(parent).

No one teaches us that the power is within us – and without healthy boundary setting earlier on in your life, it can be difficult to escape the brainwashing. (establishment gas lighting).

Therefore, your entire perspective comes from one of the flawed mindset.
Not one of ' I am', but one of ' something out there is going to save me. (I’ll put ‘parent’ in, once again again).

People might embrace a victim mentality because it may seem easier to blame the outer world than to take any responsibility.
It’s accepting the ‘apathetic’ role.

It might seem easier to adopt the role of “poor me” in the hopes that someone else will take care of us - instead of doing the work to take care of ourselves like an adult, and not a helpless child.

Playing the victim and living from the “life is out to get me” and “please save me” mentality, is very stressful.
(you don't see many happy 'victim mentality' sufferers)
It drains your energy (and your sense of humor) as you’re constantly waiting for the world to rescue you.

You’re constantly getting triggered, and feeling powerless to change how you feel…Why? - Because that’s the job of of the external world to provide for you.(parent)
You feel entitled to being looked after.

See if you can relate to any behaviors or characteristics below.
If you feel shame in self-identifying with these patterns, get over it! - that’s the ego struggling with reconciling the information with a world view that’s been built up over years and decades, and will push back against any potential threat of having to feel cognitive dissonance.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, just a few basic indicators...

Blaming others

...(or yourself, paradoxically) is one of the BIGGEST signs that you have victim mentality.
Blaming yourself is not taking responsibility. It’s an attack on yourself that’s full of criticism. (getting past the victim mentality starts with accepting yourself as a sovereign being, and being _responsible for your own mindset. The inner critic is NOT WHO YOU ARE).

Unable to forgive.

Forgiveness is a key part of self-empowerment, and when you hold a grudge and blame others, you're stuck in victim mode. A narcissist will never accept an apology because, to the narcissist, it's will always be about how you hurt them.
(the inner child never gets past - grows up - from this feeling).
Forgiveness is about YOU and your response to the pain inflicted on you. Real power lies in your ability to forgive and let go of resentment, and hatred - to find peace within yourself.

Projecting fears and insecurities.

Holding the victim mentality means that you dislike certain things about yourself,(guilt, shame?), and so you assume other people will dislike them.
You also assume that people see things the same way as you do
and thus, you interpret any of their actions as if they are judging, or trying to hurt you, dislike you, etc.
It is projecting your own inner insecurities outwards, onto others.
If you feel vulnerable, (for example), and you get triggered over something - you may well lash out at them to try and make them feel vulnerable in some way.
Hurting others because we are hurting is highly unconscious. (the 'Id' attempting to avoid pain, in Freudian terms).

Feeling like you need to be helped, or saved, or rescued.

(I see this prevalent in the SJW, ideological left, individuals, all the time)

Constantly relying on others to help you, (parent and socialism)
Looking to others to save you from your misery, give you money, give you food, give you shelter, give you free stuff…..(the parent role and socialist ideology, are scarily similar).
...waiting for the world to meet your needs are all ways that you’re playing victim.
STOP GIVING YOUR POWER AWAY- to the government, or some authority figure, ONLY YOU can save you.

Self-pity

Self-pity is constantly feeling bad for yourself.
“Poor me: I’m so helpless, I’m not strong enough, nothing good ever happens to me, life always ends up like this, I always get picked on, people always make fun of me, no one likes me, I can’t do anything right, etc.”
You can only feel self pity when you're looking at yourself, selfishly .(A common expression seen in the overt narcissist when challenged)

Being attached to things and possessions.

Depending on 'stuff' to make you feel happy by indulging in non healthy foods and consuming (retail therapy) when you feel down.
(these express themselves a lot in both the overt and covert narcissist. Image, designer clothes, labels, cars.....'stuff', to bolster the inner fragility)

Constantly relying on “experts” for advice.

(instead of trusting your own intuition and thinking outside the box).
When we constantly rely on 'experts' to tell us the truth, we unconsciously adopt the child/ parent dynamic.
To tell us what to eat, how to be healthy etc.
Business 'professionals' tell us how to be successful. Scientists to tell us what is real and what is true.

By accepting authoritative sources (the omnipotent parent), we limit ourselves.
We distrust our own inherent wisdom to give us the answers.
Professionals and experts don’t know everything, especially what’s best for YOU.
'They' don’t have your best interest in mind and often provide false guidance. (those with victim mentality cannot accept this reality).

Life can throw lots of negative things our way, and adopting the victim mentality can be an easy thing to fall into.

The longer you are in this state of self pity, the more difficult it is to extricate yourself from it.

Clean your head.

No one else is going to do it for you.
...or, alternatively.... stay, and feel, like a victim all your life...