The covert narcissism - void and desire to control

in psychology •  last year

Nicolas Poussin - Echo and Narcissus

The covert narcissist is the worst of all kinds of narcissism. The reason why it is such an object of interest is that certain narcissistic tendencies can cause extremely serious damage to the psyche of others without even realizing what is happening to them. Their manipulation traps are so perfectly sophisticated that it can be too late to figure out what's going on. It's one thing to see clearly that someone is trying to control and manipulate you, but it's quite different things with coverings narcissist, one of the most extreme and dangerous forms of narcissism. What is characteristic of them is their extremely protective nature, strong emotionality, and apparently no external trace of planning the plot they are actually preparing. Unlike the other forms, this kind of narcissists are like a stealth bomber come without warning, just to leave the destruction behind. People suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, besides targeting your emotions and self-esteem, can also have a serious impact on your common sense. Here are some of the specific features you can guess:

They are too critical

Because they carry the enormous burden of insecurity within themselves, they tend to be too critical to the people around them. They design their own weaknesses on anyone who walks in their way, the purpose being to make the other person feel stupid, unwanted or insignificant.

John William Waterhouse painting

They are fascinating, but only when they want something. They seem to have a key that they can incorporate their charm and turn it off in their own discretion. Extremely charismatic are whenever they want, but behind this charm lies only their hidden desire to get something from you or the people around you. No matter what happens, they always make you feel guilty. No matter how angry you are, if you challenge them or challenge their behavior, they will manipulate the situation with such craftsmanship that in the end you will feel guilty and apologize to them. Covered narcissist knows exactly how to turn things around to make you believe that everything you think is wrong, even if you follow the most sound logic and reason. They leave you with a sense of emptiness in your relationship. No matter how long you spend with them, you will feel extremely lonely. Regardless of the experiences you can share, despite the proximity, you will always feel as if something is missing or not quite right. They don't care if they have to lie, steal or cheat to get what they want. For the narcissist, there is only one person in the universe, and that is himself. He only sees people what they can do for him. Without worrying about anyone but himself, he uses others as tools to get what he wants in life. He does not bother to use lies, deception or theft to make himself feel better, bigger, more delightful, richer. Stubborn and dogmatic, you will get an excuse only if you give him what he wants. An excuse for this type of person can only happen if he wants something from you and that's part of the game. You can argue with them until bluish, but even if you get an excuse, it is absolutely empty. It does not mean that he regrets, it just means he will win something from the deal, not that he has realized he is wrong.There is some emptiness in them, which is almost impossible to understand. Even in a love affair there is no way to get closer to them emotionally. They seem to have a protective layer around you, through which you can not penetrate, and things never look very good or real when you're with them. They are incapable of creating relationships with people, and it is generally impossible for them to make an emotional difference between their loved ones and everyone else.

Lack of empathy

It doesn't matter whether you or someone in the Third World who is starving, they have no ability to sympathize, because they are incapable of understanding the states of others and their reality.

"Metamorphosis of Narcissus" by Salvador Dali

Their emotional intelligence is very low. By talking to a brick wall, they just do not seem to understand what you share with them. It's almost impossible to talk to them at a deeper level, but while they can and will bring them benefits, they will skillfully pretend and deceive you. They are the only individuals in their universe. I will care for you only if it has any relation to themselves. It is impossible for them to feel remorse. Always accuse others, it is impossible for them to regret their act, action or bad words.

They act as a victim

They will make you regret it, no matter the objective truth. Everything is to blame for others, and they become just a casual victim.
Everything they feel will design it on you. They are experts in designing any negative feelings. Making you feel bad is their way to feel better. They themselves are incapable of understanding their feelings and thoughts, and so often blame others for everything bad that is in their minds. The ability to identify the needs of others and use it. Although they are incapacitated, they clearly see what you need and will use that to control you. They will do their best to offend you. They will do their best to spoil you to make them look better. It is quite typical for these people to talk badly about their relatives behind their backs. In this way, they are portrayed as martyrs. The only way they look good is by making everyone else look bad. This makes them feel the winners.

Jealousy and envy

They want absolutely everything in life for themselves and they are very envious of what others have. They are rarely satisfied with what they own, constantly wanting what others have. They may be the richest people in the world, but they will still find what to envy others. Extremely jealous of people they admire around. We all experience jealousy from time to time, but narcissists seem to consume mainly jealousy and jealousy.

"Narcissus" by Caravaggio

The passive aggression is their most commonly used weapon. If you feel you are near madness, you are probably with a covered narcissist. They will sow the seeds and let them grow. Quite cleverly make slight hints about your personality, about what kind of person you are, then leave the doubts to develop until you begin to believe that this is true. They need constant attention. These people are happy only when all eyes are directed at them. Such a relationship will only feel like an accessory. They will try to charm everyone who faces them and will often ignore their closest ones, knowing that they have already secured their attention. If any of their loved ones drew attention to themselves in a situation, the envy rises and will do everything in their power to never happen again. Like the Trojan horse, you can not notice the invasion of the covered Narcissus. Such a man will take whatever he can from you until he leaves you with an empty shell. Strongly destructive to your self-esteem, you need to instantly find a way out while still keeping your mind, heart and feelings intact.

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great post .... thanks for sharing


You are welcome :)

Well done, insightful...


Thank you :)

Calling @originalworks :)
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Yup, this has been my experience of friendships with narcissists. Good article.

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Hey @godflesh
It's way too deep to understand.
Btw, would you mind checking my recent post about Love.



So wonderfull that someone is writing articles like This! Respect!


Thank you very much :)

Spot on! Being raised by a father like this. I am still suffering as a grown adult.

Just had to look at myself in my current existence, and honestly. It was painful. Thank you. I am selfish. I am wrong. I have sinned, it's true.