Have you ever wondered how some people seem to be able to overcome every bad situation life throws at them? In my humble opinion, the key is resilience.
One of the skills that help us live in the present in a much happier way is called "Resilience", which in a very simple way, we could define as the ability that human beings have to recover after a bad experience or trauma.
Unfortunately some of us almost never exercise the muscle of resilience, we take a long time lost in our thoughts, perhaps reliving past traumas over and over again until finally we manage ourselve to live again in the present. But many of us remain living in the past for months, even years.
You need to have in mind resilience can be strengthen no matter what age we have. So even if you have a lot of years on your back, it’s always possible to start training yourself in order to be more resilient. This will help you a lot in the future when you encounter a new difficult situation.
What can you do?
To start our inner strengthen, the easiest first step is to develop a positive self-esteem and to never forget our intrinsic value as a person. We need to cherish our good qualities and accept our imperfections, this way we have a real and honest picture of ourselves and of what we actually are. No one knows us better than our own mind and our own thoughts.
There are people who complain about the same mistakes or life circumstances even after decades, adults who are still upset with friends from elementary school and relatives who never talk to each other after a small problem.
I'm not saying you should go out and be happy with everyone around you. I am a realist and I understand that some relationships are better to just let them go.
However, in our minds, many of us continue to recreate our traumas from the past, reliving those moments when we were mistreated or felt that someone took advantage of us. They are memories so real that they unleash a series of sensations in our body. We feel like a lump in the throat or a knot in the stomach when we remember those moments.
This is because the brain does not distinguish between fiction and reality. For this reason, every time you relive that bad memory, your brain suffers in a similar way it did in the beginning. People involved in the trauma might have already left, maybe even some of those involved are not even in your life anymore, but nevertheless you keep your memory alive in your mind and that causes you sadness and affect the overall mood in day to day activities.
What should you do?
Therefore, every time you get surprised reliving this type of situation, put a positive feeling in your mind, something that you are thankful for, some happy moment of your current existence and you will see how you will educate your mind to get out of that vicious and unhealthy tendency of getting stuck having negative thoughts.
The memories should be used only as learning. It is important to keep them as lessons that we do not want to repeat, however we should not have them always present in our lives tormenting our every thought.
Family wise and thinking about our future, if we want our little ones to be resilient in life we can start by being an example to them, and proving them how things like love, values, integrity and bonding with other people is important in order to have a balanced life.
Providing a model for them to use as a guideline on how a person should be, is priceless for their development and their inner strength. This way, they will be able to develop a proper self confidence, and when faced with a complicated situation, they will have the tools to overcome them and therefore, grow as a person.